Charlie Sheen Doesn’t Write His Tweets

Apparently RadarOnline and Charlie Sheen aren’t putting wins in the record book together anymore, because Radar Editor-in-Chief Dylan Howard just went on TV Guide Network’s Hollywood 411 and revealed that Charlie doesn’t even write his own Twitter account:

“I’ll let you know a secret. He doesn’t actually do the tweets himself. He has a “tweet-master” as he calls it. He calls this person on the traditional cell phone, or the house phone when I was there, and says the message that he wants out.”
According to Howard, his name is Bob Maron.

Of course, this makes all kind of sense because, honestly, whether you’re pro-tiger blood or not, I don’t think any of us could realistically see Charlie Sheen sitting in front of a computer trying to contain himself to 140 characters without a hooker getting shot. That said, while it sounds like Charlie is determining the content, it now opens up the possibility that this is just a legal strategy for botching his custody deal with Brooke Mueller, or even worse, we’re missing out on three a.m. tweets declaring himself Lord Cathlar: Supreme Vatican Assassin.

CHARLIE: Bobby. Bobby boy. Got another tweet for you.
BOB: It’s four a.m., Mr. Sheen.
CHARLIE: Winning time, Bobby. Now get on the pussy machine and type this out for me: “Denise Richards’ cunt is the forest moon Endor and I’m motherfucking Darth Vader just up here on my Ass Star bombing Ewoks in half.” Then put that little number sign and “Jedi cock,” all one word.
BOB: Wow, that actually fits.
CHARLIE: Four-dimensional Parcheesi, bitch.
BOB: I think you mean three-dimensional chess.
CHARLIE: Whatever. Alright, now ask me the question.
BOB: *sigh* Are you on high cocaine, Mr. Sheen?
CHARLIE: Fuck yeah I am. Seven gram rocks and I’m just banging them.
BOB: And I’ll just go ahead and delete this.
CHARLIE: Worth your weight in gold, Bobby. Good talk. *hangs up*

(Nightmare scenario. I know.)

Photo: J. Scott Campbell