Charlie Sheen Changes That Kelly Preston Story

May 4th, 2011 // 28 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

Charlie Sheen‘s public shame showcase otherwise known as “My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat Is Not An Option” Tour continued in Vancouver on Monday night where not only did he claim to have once bought Tom Cruise a hooker (which is probably true considering Tom would have to crane his neck really hard to make eye-contact with most men), but he also said this according to TMZ:

He says he was downstairs drinking coffee, when he heard a shot from upstairs. Sheen says he then saw a naked Kelly Preston at the top of the stairs, covered in blood. Charlie explained Kelly had picked up a pair of his pants in the bathroom — when a revolver that was secreted in his pocket fell to the ground and discharged. Sheen claims the bullet hit the toilet and either shrapnel or a piece of porcelain from the toilet ricocheted and struck her.

Other truth torpedoes fired by the Tiger Blooded Adonis include:

- It wasn’t a knife that I held to Brooke Mueller‘s neck, it was a Christmas Sword and we were just acting out our version of The Nativity like we do every year.
- I dumped Bree Olson right after she kicked me in the penis and left my hotel with a duffel bag full of cash.
- The term ‘winning’ originally referred to a three-day stretch without an outbreak.

Photo: Flynet

The Superficial is in Vacation Mode this week. Normal posting resumes Monday, May 9.

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  1. DKNY

    Why is this loser still speaking? And why are even bigger losers still paying money and wasting time going to his “performances”? Didn’t they learn their lesson after the audiences from the first few shows booed him and left early?

    • Rachel

      Because a lot of guys are losers from birth and even fail at identifying a “winner” … whom they then worship like the man-loving losers they are.

      Just watch – some of them will now call me fat and ugly. They can’t help it, it’s like a loser-reflex.

  2. Jimmy

    What was the original version of the story? That’s the one I always remember hearing.

  3. stopit

    stop it dude, you’re violent torpedo of truth is only digging you into a deeper hole.

    not that anybody on this planet gives a damn.

  4. koushoku

    I didn’t know about Charlie and Kelly, I thought she was with Travolta since the begining. I’m trying to find old news coverage of this story to read up on what happened but the only thing I can find is that she was accidently shot in their appartment which is super vague lol

    • oh i know

      i never heard about the whole shooting thing between these two, but i do remember that they were engaged at one time and when they split she kept the ring that was valued at $250,000. guess i know WHY now!!

  5. Nancy Pelosi

    Jesus Christ on a bicycle. Won’t the terrorists ever stop? First Jwoww comes out of hiding, then Britney gets engaged (maybe) and now this? When will Al-Qaida stop using these horrible weapons of mass destruction against us?

    If they deploy the Situation I say we go nuclear.

    One can only hope that when they double tapped bin-Laden that Snookie was used as a human shield.

    • The Critical Crassness

      Too late, the Situation has already been deployed by MTV giving him a development deal.

      • Nancy Pelosi

        This just in: SEAL team 6 conducts special operations on MTV studios. The Sitch was killed and buried in accordance with Guido Law. He was given a tape job, his body was spray tanned, juiced and his ashes scattered from the roof of the nearest Gold’s Gym. RIP Sitch.

        Luckily Snookie was used as a human shield.

      • cricket

        chirp chirp

  6. jumpin_j

    People who think they bought tickets to The Crystal Method tour wound up with this one douche on crystal meth.

  7. Keyser Ballsy

    I want to hear more about naked Kelly Preston.

    • Kodos

      Now THAT’S winning! +1…

    • Crabby Old Guy

      Yeah, I have to admit that I stopped processing anything this sack-o-shit was babbling about after the phrase, “saw a naked Kelly Preston at the top of the stairs”. I think he went on to say that she was covered in Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup or something.

  8. Not to defend Charlie Sheen, but why was Kelly Preston engaged to this douchebag in the 1st place? Even back then he was messed up. I understand going for the ‘bad boy’, but what is appealing about a drug addled, gun carrying psycopath?

  9. RoboZombie

    A revolver would not go off if you dropped it! Shit, even a semi-auto probably wouldn’t, but hey, just keep telling the “truth” Charlie, you stupid douche!

  10. Colin

    Look at that chair. Look at those pants. He looks like my grandfather right before he died of cancer.

  11. the captain

    ………….so never bet on winners.

  12. The Critical Crassness

    I am beginning to understand the title of this tour refers to the manner in which Charlie’s version of the “truth” violently torpedoes the factual evidence of past events in his life.

  13. With his story telling skills, my vote is for Charlie to take over Prairie Home Companion when Garrison Keillor retires.

  14. uncle ruckus

    “The term ‘winning’ originally referred to a three-day stretch without an outbreak.”
    Awesome!!!

  15. zomgbie

    face it charlie, its time to drop the “death is not an option” line from ur shows title.

  16. “I saw she was, like, bleeding, so I was like, EMILIOOOOOOOOO.”

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  18. dramkit

    Oddly enough, the version he told is the original version, or at least the one I remember from a few years back. She was never actually shot by a bullet, only by shrapnel from the toilet bowl, hence no police report.

    Seriously though, has nobody considered that in this particular case Kelly is the nutcase? The bigger nutcase, I mean. This is the woman who traded being engaged to Charlie Sheen and shot with porcelain bowls for being married to John Travolta who sucks off dicks in bathhouses, not to mention the odd deals with their children. Scientology is just a cherry on top here, the perfect gown for the crazy bride.

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