Charlie Sheen Celebrated Court Victory at Playboy Mansion

By: The Superficial / August 9, 2010

Because getting away with threatening to murder your wife is always a joyous event, Charlie Sheen celebrated his victory over justice by partying at the Playboy Mansion Saturday night. And fortunately for absolutely no one but him, he made it just in time for new details from the police report to be leaked this morning. RadarOnline reports:

Charlie Sheen told his wife: “I’ll kill you…your mother’s money means nothing… I have ex-police I can hire who know how to get the job done and they won’t leave any trace.”
Sheen’s wife Brooke Mueller told police: “I was terrified and felt for the first time in my life I was going to die.”
Sheen received no jail time for the incident.
The new report reveals a shockingly violent encounter, with Sheen holding a knife to his wife’s neck for approximately 20 minutes, according to police. Mueller told police that Sheen spit in her face during the ordeal.

Wow. Now I really hope all the Playboy Bunnies got together to bake him a cake. Okay, that’s not fair. For all we know Charlie Sheen suffers from the same disease as Mel Gibson, and Hugh Hefner was just playing the part of The Good Samaritan.

HUGH: Fellatio’s right upstairs, Charlie.
CHARLIE: *puts down bazooka* Ohthankgod.

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