Charlie Sheen: ‘Cancel the Whores’

Like watching a majestic bird have its wings clipped, Charlie Sheen apparently spent the weekend texting every porn star he’s ever been with, and let’s assume some he hasn’t (It’s hard to keep count.), that he’s done making hooker sandwiches, five whores high. TMZ reports:

Among the messages Charlie has sent — “Please lose the number, we are closed … please drive through … thank you.”
Another text reads, “Right now we are on lockdown.”

Of course, all this is easier said than done for Charlie. You don’t just tell someone you love them in the heat of passion then toss them aside without some sort of emotional repercussion. Or am I thinking about promising them a Bentley? Whichever one makes a hooker feel slightly less dead inside. It’s that one.