Charlie Sheen Responds to Ashton Kutcher Casting

“In coke-filled day, in hooker-less night, nothing shall escape my Warlock sight.”

Clearly, Charlie Sheen has only just now lodged his head out of a goddess’s catcher’s mitt of a vagina because it’s taken him over 18 hours to issue a crazy reaction to Ashton Kutcher replacing him on Two and a Half Men. I remember a time when he would’ve immediately crashed an F18 into news like this before proclaiming himself Lord MonsterBalls of Mars. Those were simpler times. Nobler times. TMZ reports:

“Kutcher is a sweetheart and a brilliant comedic performer … Oh wait, so am I!! … Enjoy the show America. Enjoy seeing a 2.0 in the demo every Monday, WB. … Enjoy planet Chuck, Ashton. There is no air, laughter, loyalty, or love there.”

For those of you just tuning in, Charlie Sheen and Ashton Kutcher are fighting over a show nobody younger than your dad watches and painting it as an epic battle over the fate of comedy as we know it. Although, in one episode, the little kid mistakes Charlie’s Viagra for vitamins, so to their credit, I can’t see how the future of canned laughter doesn’t hang in the balance here.

Photo: Splash News