Boardwalk Empire, and the highly underrated Stardust, star Charlie Cox (above) has been officially cast as Daredevil for Marvel‘s upcoming Netflix series which means there’s now a greater chance we’re getting a Doctor Strange with incredible, almost hypnotic abs. More importantly (but not really because, my God, it’s like they’re chiseled from warm, tan granite…), this news comes on the heels of Edgar Wright quitting Ant-Man on Friday which led to an inevitable bout of online hand-wringing about studio interference, and The End of the Marvel Movie Age, blah blah blah fart. So a couple of you asked me to weigh in on that, and if this site has proven anything, it’s that opinions are like assholes, and I am a man with 800 anuses.
1. Edgar Wright’s next film is… a Disney movie starring Johnny Depp. Holy shit! Here’s the part where you revisit your online screed about how Edgar Wright is a visionary auteur who deserves better than the corrupt studio system because he jumped right into it into the most vanilla of Disney vanilla projects with two feet.
2. James Gunn was apparently right on the money and not just being diplomatic in his Facebook post so he can direct Guardians of The Galaxy 2. Sometimes relationships don’t work out and you have to be cool with your buddy not impregnating Minnie Mouse with an ant-baby. I’m almost positive that’s what he was saying.
3. Joss Whedon was just trying to look cool:
— Joss Whedon (@josswhedon) May 24, 2014
Long story short, no matter who directs Ant-Man, we’re all going to fucking watch it anyway. I don’t know who any of us are kidding because we’re lemmings. Simple, simple lemmings. “So he turns into the size of an ant or something? Whatever. Here’s my money,” that’s us. And in case this post isn’t depressingly dorky enough, here’s H. Jon Benjamin as the voice of HAL 9000 which you will laugh and clap at with glee like I did before feeling the loneliness crashing in again. We have fun!