Charlie and The Hooker: The Texts

November 23rd, 2010 // 40 Comments

For those of you living full and productive lives, let me bring you up to speed on the “Charlie Sheen and The Hooker” shenanigans: Capri Anderson, the porn star/prostitute, has all of sudden decided that Charlie assaulted her in New York City despite the police seeing absolutely no evidence and her being remarkably cooperative with them at the time of the drunken hotel meltdown. She’s also saying she didn’t do any drugs which is hilarious because she was with Charlie Sheen. Without a knife and her throat nearby to settle this, Charlie has fired back with a lawsuit claiming he’s the victim of extortion, and now his lawyer is going around saying he never solicited Capri for sex which is hilarious because his client is Charlie Sheen. Cut to today where TMZ has acquired text messages Charlie sent Capri shortly after an unforgettable night of intrigue and WTF:

In one text, Charlie says, “All I need is an Acct number etc and I will wire u 20k if u think that will cover everything … I really feel bad, u are as cool and sexy and as sweet and fun and friendly as they get!”
Just before sending that text, Capri fired off her own, saying “u trashed my brand new prada purse dude not cool – how u managed to rip the strap off and put 2 holes in it is beyond me.”
After offering the $20,000, Charlie says, “Don’t worry about our mutual friends, deal with me directly and I promise u kind lady, all will be restored and set straight.”
The night after the incident, at 6:28 PM, Charlie is still trying to connect, texting, “Just landed, perhaps we can speak tonite….?”
Capri replies, “Yes u can call me. I don’t have a bank account believe it or not.”
Charlie responds, “Oh, well in that case, lemme put together a plan to get u square and flush. Can u tok (sic) for a sec now sweetie?”
Then Charlie texts, “Good news! My asst Rick is good friends with a cat named Mark (last name redacted) in NY, he will get the wire, cash that bitch, and deliver it to u where ever it’s convenient … I’ll get the ball Rollin in am, and have data for u asap after that…☺”
Capri writes, “Can he leave it somewhere secure for me to pick up? Like with a bank rep … I’m rlly nervous about all this.”
Charlie responds, “Of course, whatever makes u feel better…”

Apparently this transaction never went down, but look, had the NYPD arrived at the scene and Capri Anderson claimed she was assaulted, I’d absolutely 100% believe it because she was trapped in a hotel room with a drunk/high on coke Charlie Sheen who once tried to kill the mother of his children over a song. However, filing charges weeks later smacks of a shakedown, and I hate to side with Charlie Sheen, but this is exactly why the Good Lord gave us shower curtains you want to read reviews online before hiring an escort service. I’m pretty sure under Capri’s name is 2.5 stars and a comment about being the only hooker without a bank account. “It’s called free checking, lady,” it most likely reads.

Photos: Splash News

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  1. Capri Anderson
    jojo
    Commented on this photo:

    Gag, 20,000 doll hairs to suck Charlie’s thin bump riddled penis? That IS assault.

  2. mememe

    FIRST!

    • Drew

      Obligatory “OMG FIRST POSTS ARE SO LAME BECAUSE I’M JEALOUS I DIDN’T DO IT FIRST” post.

    • RandaI

      Capri you need to stay strong through this tough period. The storm will blow over and the sun will come out once again. Do not listen to the naysayers. You are your own person and are on the right path. And by on the right path I mean a waste of skin with no discernable talent other than sucking goo-bombs on an hourly basis. Don’t worry that your behavior disgusts and denigrates women all over the world, you’re making good money doing nothing but slutting around so good on you, that’s why you’re known as a whore.

      Randal

      • s'up bitches

        Poor Randal impression. How about this:

        Capri, as fresh as those slacks Mary Tyler Moore used to wear on the Dick Van Dyke Show, and as beautiful as the isle for which you are named, doesn’t need the naysayers to dictate your life. You keep rocking with that modeleing career girlfriend, and just remember, you might want to think twice before having dinner with the wrong crowd. You are too high class for that. Keep on with your sexy self.

        Randal

  3. Is it just me or does charlie sheen sound like he’d be a fuckin piss to hang out with. Him and mel and an 8 ball.

  4. Cock Dr

    This skinny wan looking little hustler should have taken the 20k & free publicity for her porn career & just be very thankful that Sheen didn’t kill her.

  5. meg

    Can’t blame her for trying to get her 15 minutes, probably been planning this ever since she heard “Hey I’m Charlie. You like coke?” Mama didn’t raise no hooker fool.

  6. when i saw the pic i thought it was Victoria Beckham.

  7. wonder if Charlie is gonna approch Lindsay now.

  8. LJ

    So Charlie was willing to let her have a walk on the $165,000 watch she stole, and pay her $20 K to fix her (most likely counterfeit Prada bag) , but she wanted the million dollar payoff.

    Future generations will look on-line for the definition of “Money Grubbing Whore” and a porn video of Capri Anderson will pop up.

    • miked

      Don’t forget about that russian broad Oksana.

      The American public should never have been made aware of these two gems…

  9. frcrkr

    Whores, man, nothing but trouble.

    • dumbass

      yeah, you’re right – he should have married her, that would have worked out sooo much better for him.

      • Richard McBeef

        He should have stuffed her dismembered body in a suitcase and called it a day.

      • Oh Dear

        Damn. If I’d known it was so easy to get $20,000 free and clear of taxes etc., I would not have wasted my time in college. Sigh.

  10. Facebook me

    I saw her on GMA the other morning…If your life was in so much danger why would you call 1) your BFF while securing yourself in the bathroom from “being killed, harmed, whatever” from this dude AND 2) Text “the monster” the next day?!

    If this was all true, you know Charlie’s lawyers “would quietly settle the matter out of court for an undisclosed settlement.” They smell bullshit and good for them going after this cunt.

    Hey Capri, is it Charlie’s fault you sold yourself short by making porn?! Perhaps if you upped your prices, you might’ve been on the Jenna Jameson money trail.

  11. Never pay for it. Find enthusiastic volunteers. Less chance of losing your watch & your wallet.

  12. Lady Blah Blah

    I was on Charlie’s side until I saw the text messages he supposedly sent to the skank. If he did indeed write all that and offer her 20k, he’s as stupid as she is, especially given that according to CNN, etc., his lawyer claimed he never offered her money: “‘There was definitely never an offer for money to silence her or anything else, as a matter of fact, when her lawyers approached us, we told them to go pound salt because we knew that Mr. Sheen had done absolutely nothing wrong,’ Galanter [attorney representing Sheen] said during ‘The Joy Behar Show.’”

    Galanter represented OJ since 2000, including in Nevada vs. Simpson, when OJ ended up in prison.

    • LJ

      The $20K was to replace the “New Prada Purse” that she claimed he destroyed.

      Prada purses can run a few thousand dollars.

  13. chris

    what a stupid whore. Its really sad what girls like this do to good womens reps.

  14. Rough'ing with the stars

    Great! now you got to treat every hooker like Richard Gere…

  15. Am I really supposed to believe this douche operates on a cash-only basis for everything in her life? No credit cards, debit cards, etc.? Bullcookies. She cooked up this line as a way of a) not being tied to an “I accepted money in exchange for sex” prostitution charge or b) not paying taxes – both of which I believe are illegal.

    Now, I may not be a book-learned lawyer type, but I suspect she may very well be as stupid as she looks. Maybe she’s living proof that the smartest part of her ran down her mother’s leg.

  16. Rough'ing with the stars

    Re: Howdle

    Looks like you got quote of the week…

  17. Justin

    At this rate Charlie can eliminate ever white women on the face of the planet. He has the money to lour their greedy asses in then he beat the hell out of them. The law will not do anything about it.

  18. Yikes

    oh good, another cum dumpster shoving her face in the media looking for money and publicity. i’m sure gloria allred is foaming at the mouth over this one. just another opportunity for her to act as if she’s standing up for women everywhere by defending the sluts who make men think it’s okay to do things like this. don’t sell yourself to the highest bidder and then act shocked when they treat you like the merchandise YOU turned yourself into. don’t willingly put yourself in dangerous, illegal situations over and over again because you’re too lazy and incompetent to get a real education and job and then expect sympathy when it ends badly.

  19. angela

    of COURSE she doesn’t have a bank account. you people are retarded. you think this bitch files tax returns?

  20. Capri Anderson
    Commented on this photo:

    Great, now we have to watch this whore walk around in dark sunglasses like she is trying to hide from her 15 minutes.

    You are a hooker and a porn actress. Get over yourself.

  21. H6E6X6

    $20K for that?! Really? I bought my LS1 powered car for half of that and it gives me way more orgasms. Love that gas-hole!

  22. Capri Anderson
    Anon
    Commented on this photo:

    Juicy? I wonder if she is….

    /Skank is a girls gone wild product.

  23. Brooke

    So that’s where my pink vibrator went!

  24. BaJeezus

    What a slut! and thank god there’s plenty of them. Just a job trying to weed out the crazies, but if you find a good one they’re fun for a few weeks.

  25. s'up bitches

    Personally, I think it would be fucking awesome to party with Charlie Sheen. That drunken drug addict probably isn’t shy about picking up the check either. Screw that whore. Hey bitch, sometimes you just lose your commission. Deal with it.

  26. Capri Anderson
    user
    Commented on this photo:

    Am I the only one who thinks this looks like / is Alexis Capri.

    Is he really tagging a porn star (not surprising) ??
    Jesus lord.

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