Charles Barkley on DUI: ‘I just wanted a BJ’

January 2nd, 2009 // 39 Comments

Good news, everybody, Charles Barkley’s DUI arrest was for a worthy cause. He wanted to get some head. Finally, a drunk driving story with a happy ending. Well, almost a happy ending. The Smoking Gun reports:

Charles Barkley told Arizona cops that he ran a stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up a girl who had “given him a ‘blow job’ one week earlier,” which the former NBA star described as “the best one he had ever had in his life.” According to a Gilbert Police Department report, a copy of which you’ll find here, police asked Barkley where he was going at the time of the 1:26 AM traffic stop in Scottsdale. “You want the truth? I was gonna drive around the corner and get a blow job,” answered Barkley.

A cooperative Barkley also joked with a civilian police employee that, “I’ll tattoo your name on my ass” if it would get him out of the DUI charge.

Oh, thank God. For a minute there I thought Charles Barkley was risking people’s lives for something retarded like KFC or SportsCenter on TiVo. But a BJ? Who’s gonna fault him for that? “You see, son, Charles Barkley was with a woman whose mouth could take the paint off a golf ball. I’m telling you this so you know your father didn’t die in vain, and also, because I’m a terrible police officer. Which is why I shot your cat on the way in. Now, what kind of perfume does your mom like?”

superficial

  1. mimi

    FIRST- Fish SUCKS in 2009!

  2. Oral Roberts

    I’m willing to withold judgement on Sir Charles until I see pictures and video evidence of of this woman and her unique talents. After all, if the astronauts went all the way to the moon for some ugly rocks, Charles should certainly be cut some slack for crossing a street to get his knob polished. Compared to that monumental waste of money, Barkley should be given a medal.

  3. ChairmanoftheBored

    So, did he get offf?

  4. JimmyBachaFungool

    You have to love his blunt honesty. The Round Mound of Rebound should be our next President.

  5. the Commish

    FAIL! This post fails on so many levels. Barkley still has a job as a TNT analyst.

    It’s like that time the Patriots played the Giants for the Super Bowl and put up massive fail. Oh, that’s Strahan’s old team. How’d he go from win to fail, while getting drunk off his ass with Barkley?

  6. Deuce Bigalow

    A viable response Mr. Barkley. You sir, are the man.

  7. scabbeus

    His wife is hot, GAPING but hot!

  8. Sheva

    Damn Charles looks like a mess here. Did a little girl spit on him repeatedly or something? Or yeah that goes the other way.

    Seen him many times in MSG and he was a real oddity. Even with his extra weight and his smaller size, he’s really 6’4″ or so, he’d always get off the floor first before others even bigger than him. He’d snare many a rebound just because he was already up when other players were only thinking about it.

    And he was a good scorer too but in the end he never made it to a ring, coming closest with the place of his latest arrest in Arizona for the Suns.

    Don’t want to joke about DUI as that is not funny if someone gets hurt or killed. Good that did not happen here.

    Barkley is funny and a funny on TNT but really he has to grow up and not get into this kinda trouble.

    Happy New Year! All of us are gonna need it. The media’s anointed Messiah isn’t going to be able to spend the nation into prosperity.

    Having a “D” next to your name doesn’t undo history sorry.

  9. obannion

    Maybe now would be a good time to announce he’s running for Governor of Alabama

  10. lol@Sheva

    Sad attempt at a joke there chickenhead. Your entire post was pathetic.

  11. Johnny Ca$h

    I had a booty call who had similar talents, damn I miss her.

  12. grammerpolice

    Chuckie Rules

  13. my comment

    That is one ugly motherfucker.

  14. Since when did the sucking power become something to brag about? Who wants welts on their dick?? No thank you. That’s like getting a BJ from a squids suction cup.

  15. It’s good to laugh…. :-)

  16. Youd think a man his age can keep his composure before a sloppy head,,,No jaw breaking action is worth all this…the fool probably lost his tv gig now…

  17. ToTellTheTruth

    Damn he looks all fat and fucking sweatty. I can’t stand this loud mouthed arrogent fat toad son of a bitch. Hope he gets the book thrown at him fat fuck..

  18. Gack

    He’s disgusting.

  19. bootlips

    Like everyone else, he isn’t attracted to simian negro women.

  20. Lets face it we all make mistakes and calling someone a fat fuck” is
    very inmature. What did he ever do to you? he wouldn’t spend five
    minutes talking to someone like you.”mean people” Sir Charles
    is a strong intelligent man who made a mistake like we all do in life.

  21. Lets face it we all make mistakes and calling someone a fat fuck” is
    very inmature. What did he ever do to you? he wouldn’t spend five
    minutes talking to someone like you.”mean people” Sir Charles
    is a strong intelligent man who made a mistake like we all do in life.

  22. Every guy has run a stop sign to get to that chick who gives great head.

  23. Adam

    Charles Barkley is THE MAN. I don’t care what anyone says. He’s hilarious on “Inside the NBA” on TNT. He definitely should not be driving drunk and endangering other people’s lives, but I bet he’s an overall cool guy.

  24. Oral Roberts

    “15. scared – January 2, 2009 11:16 AM

    …That’s like getting a BJ from a squids suction cup.”

    Be honest, who here hasn’t done THAT before?

    “Once you go squid, you never go back”.

  25. we r doomed

    lol… he gets away so easily with the tattoo on ass comment. damn. this dude reminds me of a fish, and ugly goldfish.

  26. This Poster

    Anyone who posts after This Poster was the one who was going to give Charles Barkley the blowjob and swallow his creamy Kwanzaa sauce

  27. Botswani Attorney

    Quid Pro Quo — I tattoo your name on my ass if you let me off. I’m guessing that no charges will be filed on this. Typical American justice, bribery means nothing if you have the fish-types on your side. I was gonna do the deed but This Poster went in my stead! Hooray, as my mouth is wired shut.

  28. HoodFellaz

    It’s the greatest story ever.

  29. Brian

    What the HELL is up with his face?? It’s like the Ark of the Covenant was opened just moments before this picture was taken…

  30. bootlips schmootlips

    Just the thought of ol’ Charley B out there looking for a mouth to stick his dick in sends shivers down my spine and makes me want to sew up all my lips but I’m pretty sure #20 could take him.

  31. Something Spicy

    I’ve been told many times by many men that my head is fire. My men will go above and beyond at times to get a bj from me. Sometimes I double-book, you know, and therefore need to determine who wants it the most. But I would be horrified to find they risked their life or the life of others for a bj.

    And no, I don’t necessarily suck hard. Unless the guy likes it. I do other things that drive them wild…

  32. They went and found the greasiest and sweatiest pic they could find of this guy.

  33. harry balz

    You give love——a bad name!!!!

  34. harry balz

    You give love——a bad name!!!!

  35. Arena

    Seriously, what’s with the KFC remark…sometimes, Superficial dude, I think you really are on the more racist side. I mean, I know Britney always gets Taco Bell, and Amy Winehouse always gets cracked, but the ONE black celebrity you rag on monthly and you have to throw in a fried chicken reference.

  36. Rylo

    Looks like he’s coming down from snorting the shit all night…. All sweaty and shit.

  37. Rylo

    “Um Yeth offither, I was trying to get to Popeye Chicken fo a Po’Boy before they Close for I love Po’Boy Thandwitches and I’s drunk from Thum tainted ripple at the tittie bar.

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