Channing Tatum Named His Penis Gilbert

“Damn right like Gilbert Gottfried. Whaaaaaa?

Naming your penis is a sacred, solemn task that sets you on the path of the rest of your life. It not only has to strike fear into the heart of your enemies, but also drop dem panties, girl. Which is why I went with Man-At-Arms Tenderheart Bear because clearly that achieves both. Also, I was six. Channing Tatum, on the other hand, went a different route. Via Just Jared:

Does your penis have a nickname?
Gilbert.

Presumably his testicles are the grapes which means Channing Tatum’s penis is a retarded 19-year-old Leonardo DiCaprio, yet still has had way more sex with hotter women than any of us ever can or will combined. I’ll leave you alone with that thought now. *pours another glass of whiskey, looks down at penis* When are you gonna grow up, you sonofabitch, razza frazza rumble…

Photo: AKM-GSI