Celine Dion breaks own ears

May 4th, 2006 // 77 Comments

celine-breaks-ears.jpgCeline Dion was forced to cancel almost a week’s worth of gigs last month after suffering a rare ear disease called labyrinthitis which lead to a severe case of vertigo. A posting on her official Website last month stated:

“Celine continues to recover from the virus she contracted last week which spread to her inner ear. Medically known as viral labyrinthitis, the condition causes nausea, dizziness and general weakness. Her doctor has prescribed medication to treat the associated irritations and instructed her to rest for the next five days, so that the virus can run its course.”

I’m not a doctor, but labyrinthitis sounds like something Michael Kelso would make up. Why doesn’t Celine just admit she shattered her ear drums while trying to outsing herself on a rendition of “My Heart Will Go On.” If she’s suffering from labyrinthitis then I’m suffering from super-humongous-wangitis. The symptoms are pretty straightforward and consist of having a super humongous wang. And damn if my case isn’t severe.

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  1. TaiTai

    Hey 48, does 47 sound suspiciously like Megan Harris or sherry-co? “I love that song from Titanic, it’s so great, all you guys are just haters. Oh and that song by Paris Hilton is sooo good. Next you’ll be picking on Tom Cruise or something.” I mean really, if Celine Dion doesn’t deserve a thrashing, nobody does. She makes my ears hurt. In fact, when I hear her voice I do that spasm Kramer used to do when he heard Mary Hart.

  2. TaiTai

    Just wondering if maybe that means I have celinedionitis, a truly terrible and serious medical condition.

  3. I hate celine dion.

  4. Iambananas

    That picture makes her look… weird.

  5. Iambananas

    pinky_nip seams to be only immature person who dosen’t like me… and ask me if I care… Um, NO! Especially from someone who uses the “f” word, proving that they are the dumbest thing ever.. It shows ignorance and immaturity. Come on, join the human race.

  6. sweetcheeks

    No, I don’t like you either, bananas.

  7. sweetcheeks

    Wait, I meant “I don’t FUCKING like you.” There, that’s better.

  8. TaiTai

    Yes bananas please refer to #51. Being compared to Megan Harris and sherry-co are not compliments.

  9. Italian Stallion

    #53 a DYKE hating a DYKE, thats a good one….

    P.S. MEGANHARRIS Thats a great picture that CruisingForCock put up of you getting an award for biggest loser on the Britney thread, PapaHotNuts was right about you looking like a pile of pigshit in a bucket, minus the bucket of course………..

  10. Bic

    I always wondered what she would look like after I punched her in the face. Thanks America for taking her off our hands and our deepest sympathies for you all.

  11. Trotter

    I relish the thought of Celine vomiting profusely. And for days on end. Hopefully she’ll need a feeding tube.

    Her “music” and her “face” have poisoned millions for years. Its about time she gets her karmic payback.

  12. Fa Cube Itches

    Jeez, she looks remarkably like Betty Thomas from “Hill Street Blues”, and that isn’t exactly a good thing.

    More specifically – in that picture, she looks like Betty Thomas getting gut-shot. Celine getting a buckwheats hit would be a pretty good thing.

  13. WishDoll

    I wish I looked as hot as she does on this picture.She looks like someone with a rare brain disease.Like an ultimate, mutant down syndromed midget.Hot.

  14. TrannyGranny

    Lambanas;
    I gotta join the band wagon here, your comments make me want to send you to college. Medical college. As a cadaver.

    I bet Celine Dions ears were trying to escape, thats what’s really going on here.

  15. glensbabyblu

    BEST PICTURE OF CELINE…… EVER

  16. ieatthepoo

    That’s her orgasm face. You know you wanna hit that stanky French-Canadian fishhole.

    p.s. Iambananas is a fucking retarded fuckwad cunnyfuck.

  17. She and Pamela Anderson are embarrassments to Canada. I wanna knock their heads together and hope they pass out for a very long time.

  18. gogoboots

    She looks really constipated in that picture. She probably sang so loudly her ears started to bleed, hence the condition she now suffers. I find her quite scary, she looks like a scarecrow! A scarecrow with bleeding ears!

  19. TryTheVeal

    As someone who suffered from labrinthitis two years ago, I can tell you what it feels like: (It’s a bitch to spell, too.)

    Your vision is like your eyeballs are being spun inside of a tin can. You cannot focus on anything at all. Not near. Not far. It is extremely debilitating.

    Every time your head moves just.a.little ( and I mean a little bit) YOU PUKE. ALOT.

    If someone touches you the vibrations (which you are highly highly sensitive too in this state) make your eyeballs feel like they are a raft on a suddenly wavy lake. ( Don’t touch the bed either ) and you puke some more.

    Eventually, because your stomach is puking out everything, the bowels want to be in on the action and you will start to have diarreaha on the exam table. In your new outfit you just bought.

    Oh, and I was 4.5 hours away from home and I never wanted to leave the clinic we raced into when suddenly I couldn’t stand up at all. The fact that I didn’t puke or shit myself the entire drive home ( with our two kids in the truck is something to be said.)

    It had all started at 6am when I woke up at our hotel with my ear being blocked. Like wax just suddenly slid into a bad spot. I’ve never had ear problems or infections ever. So I just figured it was wax. By 12 noon, I was puking everywhere, couldn’t focus and staggering.

    I also couldn’t hear well out of my right ear.

    What it ended up being ( after being treated for infections – though I was in perfect health) was a big fat conundrum. The UBER specialist (and CAT scans and a few other tests, its a blur now really.) I went to said it was Sudden Hearing Loss Syndrome. Which is something about 3000 -5000 people get hit upside the head with a year.

    YAY Me!

    I have never recovered my hearing in that ear ( and that is ok, it is like listening with your finger stuck in your ear.) but the tennitis ( ringing) is 24/7. That is a buzzkill. White noise machines are wunderbar.

    It took me a good 10 weeks to not weave like a drunk when I walk and I no longer to “Whoa….that wasn’t a good idea…” when I make the mistake of looking up fast at something ( bird flying over head…wooooo..not good.)

    I don’t like celine at all, but I feel her pain.

  20. TrannyGranny

    remember that movie “I come in peace” where a space alien drug dealer kills people with his cool cd gun? That’s what Dion’s music makes me feel like.

  21. Bring Celine back to Quebec!

  22. tundrababe

    I had labyrinthitis once. It’s the disease you can’t find your way out of. I’m a little miserable now that I share something in common with Celine Dion.

  23. shankyouverymuch

    She has the UGLIEST WITCHIE-POO face on this planet, bar-none!!! Her constant freak-out hand & body & face gestures have always totally turned me off, and well

  24. Fa Cube Itches

    Not mine, but damn funny – Proposed Award for Celine Dion:

    “Best Non-Appearance by a Popwhore
    Celine Dion

    I think you should send out special thanks to Celine Dion for NOT making an album in 2005, giving our ears and central nervous systems a much needed break after conspiring with Anne Geddes in 2004 to make listeners worldwide projectile vomit from C-sharp saccharine overdoses. The longer she stays away from a recording studio, the more her slide into eventual obscurity is assured, and the greater the likelihood that a happy day will come when I can again turn on my radio, silent lo these many years, without fear of being tasered into submission by the strident peals of “My Heart Will Go On”.

    Fuck…the only real tragedy at the end of “Titanic” is that as Jack, to my glee, sank into the icy depths of the North Atlantic, he did not grab Dion by her giraffe-like throat and pull that Innsmouth-reject down to the dark demise she so deserved. The only way I want to hear her voice again is to hear her cries for help from the bottom of a well muffled as I slide the capstone into place. As a Canadian, I apologize to the world for unleashing this shrieking horror upon them.

    -Dominic”

  25. RDIGGITY

    Is she having an orgasm or taking a dump???

  26. alex

    celine dion rules you ignorant fools with absolutely no sence of taste

  27. rivera

    If you loathe her, please don’t buy her albums. It’s the best thing you can do instead of crticizing her all the time.
    I’m not one of her fan but I think she’s a real nice person and a good singer no matter what she sings compared to other “stars” such self-suficient women as Madonna…
    And I’d like to remind you she’s the best selling female singer of all times, so we can show some respect. Anyway I don’t like people who don’t. We live on a tiny planet and if we are to survive it will be together or not at all. That’s too easy to make fun of people.

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