Celebrity blow-up dolls: Creepy or pure genius?

March 17th, 2008 // 105 Comments

In the most disturbing merchandising move ever, Pipedream Products (Link is totally NSFW!) released these celebrity blow-up dolls which feature plastic versions of Eva Longoria, Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson, Jessica Alba and, oddly, Sarah Jessica Parker. Since I’m a sad little clown, I did get a laugh out of the text for Sarah Jessica. Though I was disappointed to see it didn’t include a horse face. You know, for authenticity.

NOTE: These pics are kind of NSFW since they give brief descriptions of, well, certain orifices (a.k.a. the butt).

Photos: Splash News

  1. omg FIRST again!

  2. edamame


  3. Max

    I’d hit it.

  4. Sex Nuts & Retard Strong

    Does the Paris Hilton doll come with live Herpes cultures?

  5. Bastards! I should sue them. “All Three Holes Available For Your Please” is MY trademark.

  6. kelly

    are you fucking kidding me? lol

  7. kelly

    that’s actually really really really funny

  8. The Laughing God

    Sweet Bearded Moses.

    However, I could get some and have my own Desperate House Wives Youtube episodes!! Featuring Eva doll, edited clips from the real show, and my BullDog Duke, playing the stud Duke.

  9. edamame

    In reality, just about anyone can bang the REAL Lindsay Lohan. But by humping the doll, you won’t get the side dish of STD.

    I always wondered why there aren’t any dolls of men…kind of like Jude Law’s character in A.I. (artificial intelligence) for women who can’t get laid by a real man.

  10. Jumpin_J

    Why should this be offensive? I mean they’ve all been around so much, who need an imitation blow up doll? I had ‘em and… Excuse me… what Paris? They left you out? Don’t cry, my little Tinkerbelle. I’m almost done.

  11. Do they take requests? If so, I’d like one of Kristen, er, um, I mean “Ashley”…

  12. edamame

    Great, #10….now you’ve gone and made me think of Sesame Street, with your Jumpin_J screen name! Way to ruin my sordid experience here! ha ha!

    “Jump, jump, jumpin’ J! Jaguar, Jaybird, Jackrabbit….”

  13. Sam

    Great idea, but why did they include Sarah Jessica Parker? Now they’ll be targeted by PETA.

  14. David Kleinfeld

    This is mildly non-kosher. Is this even legal?

    These ladies have not licensed their image. In my humble legal opinion, these fine actresses should sue the smartypants off Pipedream.

  15. Meaghan

    Am I the only person that noticed that some of the models posing on the covers of the packaging look nothing like the real celebrities?

  16. celebrity doll fukker

    MMmmmmm…….smells like a nice big lawsuit.

  17. edamame

    C’mon…there’s gotta be SOMEBODY who would enjoy a Mrs. Dog Chapman doll…hell, I’d bet a dollar that Dog would prefer a doll than the real thing!

  18. Dude

    funny and creepy…
    clones of Jessica Alba for every man on earth = genius…

  19. fergernauster

    I just LOVE the “3 love holes” claim.

    (… as if it’s “love” the degenerates will be spilling into these plastic receptacles).

    Tho’ I certainly would not refuse a 2-holed Jake Gyllenhaal model.

  20. Drunkman

    They need one of Jessica Biel from Chuck & Larry.

  21. twzzlrgirl

    Meaghan…I noticed that, too…They also messed with the names (obviously) to make them sexual.

    Is that how they could get around a lawsuit? Not using the actual picture or name? Of course, there’s no doubt who they are talking about, so I can’t imagine it working in a court of law, but these companies are full of scumbags, so who knows?

  22. deacon jones

    If you took the hair off Eva, you think it would look like Harry Potter? Or is that just my pipe dream?

  23. Barack

    They need to do one for Oprah. Maybe include a miner’s cap with an attached searchlight, if everything is built to scale.

  24. edamame

    I smell a “Lars and the real girl” part 2,

    I’d have a Brad Pitt through the years doll collection.
    I wonder if they have that awful “new pool toy” smell…like a vinyl factory exploded?EEEEWWW! If my hubby starts smelling like a blow-up raft….I’m going to kick his ass.

  25. The Lohan doll also doubles as a cleaning device. You hook it up to the other “used” dolls and it sucks out mess!

  26. La Frascatana

    #16, yeah, the Lindsay Lohan doll is more like Elizabeth Hurley in the guise of some random UFC ring card girl.

    The Jessica Simpson doll is accurate, but how could they miss on that one?

  27. LL

    Guess I’m totally thinking of the wrong part of this, but sorta wondering how these people won’t get the shit sued out of them for copyright infringement. Unless we’re to believe that both Eva Longoria and “Desperate Housewives” producers signed off on the sex doll and are getting a percentage of whatever profits.

    Love the “6969″ house number. Subtle.

  28. edamame

    What? No Pam Anderson? I guess she’s already too much like a blow up doll.
    And you know that Jessica’s doll is way smarter than she is, right?

  29. fergernauster

    @24… They already have one for Orca. It’s black-and-white bulk is bobbing gently on the surface of my backyard pool as I type this. Oh, how the kids love to ride it!

  30. Jesse Jackson

    They were going to make a Melanie Brown doll but they figured everybody already has a black plastic trash bag.

  31. sure

    lawl. seriously??? haha… this is weird.

  32. Thank you Superficial. Because of you I have ordered the Jessica Simpson model and she shall be mine before Easter. I plan to have a little surprise companion to show to the gang this Easter din-din, right after I give her a proper introduction in private.

  33. they make sheep, but no goat? come on!! daddy needs to be baaaad!

  34. mike

    I wonder if they can make one that looks like my goat? You know sometimes she is not in the mood.

  35. mike

    Meh. Frist still has them beat. Sure, these dolls also offer 3-hole-love, but they don’t whip around eagerly for surprise-ATM (“wow…I didn’t even have to ask…”). Although I bet Jimbo is figuring out a way to deflate one to accomplish just that.

  36. Sambo the Ass Pirate

    i see a lot of lonely nights in Lindsay Lohan’s future. Dina will buy one of these dolls and take it around party-hopping.

  37. mike

    All mike, all the time. I love it.

  38. mikes goat

    mikes penis smells like my butt. He tries to lick it when he’s done with me.

  39. mike

    @34 Shut up you stupid troll.

  40. mike

    #40 is a troll.

  41. stizz

    ahahahah “Sarah Jessica Porkher”.

    Do people seriously fuck these things? I always kinda thought they were just stag party props…but no? They’re for real?

  42. mike

    @40 Shut up you stupid troll.

    I like poop!

  43. mike

    #36, 38, and 39 are trolls.

  44. Bud

    I actually want them but i don’t have the guts to buy them

  45. I bought a doll like these ones, threw a red wig on it and acted out an email she sent me called “Dinner with Frist” – fuck her in the ass until I come, then have her squat over a dinner plate and squeeze the semen back out, then lick it up. I admit I was a little shocked at first when I read the email, but then I went to her myspace page and YIKES!!! Now I’m hooked on that little red hooker.

  46. #45 – Take it from a guy who knows… read the fine print that says “Picture is for display purposes only. Actual whore may vary…”

  47. aha

    is it that hard for some people to get real live girls? hell, they could probably find a cheaper live version downtown on the corner (crabs included).

  48. EuroNeckPain

    I cannot figure out how an inflatable doll can look like a real person.
    A life-size silicon doll, yes, but an inflatable doll ?

  49. I worked at a porn store all last year, and sold soooooo many of the celebrity dolls, it was creepy. once you take them out of the boxes, they look…. so scary. giant gaping hole mouths, and made of plastic.

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