In the most disturbing merchandising move ever, Pipedream Products (Link is totally NSFW!) released these celebrity blow-up dolls which feature plastic versions of Eva Longoria, Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson, Jessica Alba and, oddly, Sarah Jessica Parker. Since I’m a sad little clown, I did get a laugh out of the text for Sarah Jessica. Though I was disappointed to see it didn’t include a horse face. You know, for authenticity.
NOTE: These pics are kind of NSFW since they give brief descriptions of, well, certain orifices (a.k.a. the butt).
Photos: Splash News
Jimbo | March 17, 2008 at 2:54 pm
omg FIRST again!
edamame | March 17, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Gag!
Max | March 17, 2008 at 2:57 pm
I’d hit it.
Sex Nuts & Retard Strong | March 17, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Does the Paris Hilton doll come with live Herpes cultures?
FRIST!!! | March 17, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Bastards! I should sue them. “All Three Holes Available For Your Please” is MY trademark.
kelly | March 17, 2008 at 2:57 pm
are you fucking kidding me? lol
kelly | March 17, 2008 at 2:58 pm
that’s actually really really really funny
The Laughing God | March 17, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Sweet Bearded Moses.
However, I could get some and have my own Desperate House Wives Youtube episodes!! Featuring Eva doll, edited clips from the real show, and my BullDog Duke, playing the stud Duke.
edamame | March 17, 2008 at 2:59 pm
In reality, just about anyone can bang the REAL Lindsay Lohan. But by humping the doll, you won’t get the side dish of STD.
I always wondered why there aren’t any dolls of men…kind of like Jude Law’s character in A.I. (artificial intelligence) for women who can’t get laid by a real man.
Jumpin_J | March 17, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Why should this be offensive? I mean they’ve all been around so much, who need an imitation blow up doll? I had ‘em and… Excuse me… what Paris? They left you out? Don’t cry, my little Tinkerbelle. I’m almost done.
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | March 17, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Do they take requests? If so, I’d like one of Kristen, er, um, I mean “Ashley”…
edamame | March 17, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Great, #10….now you’ve gone and made me think of Sesame Street, with your Jumpin_J screen name! Way to ruin my sordid experience here! ha ha!
“Jump, jump, jumpin’ J! Jaguar, Jaybird, Jackrabbit….”
Sam | March 17, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Great idea, but why did they include Sarah Jessica Parker? Now they’ll be targeted by PETA.
David Kleinfeld | March 17, 2008 at 3:09 pm
This is mildly non-kosher. Is this even legal?
These ladies have not licensed their image. In my humble legal opinion, these fine actresses should sue the smartypants off Pipedream.
Dr. Otto VanDerWahl | March 17, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Fist
Meaghan | March 17, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Am I the only person that noticed that some of the models posing on the covers of the packaging look nothing like the real celebrities?
celebrity doll fukker | March 17, 2008 at 3:10 pm
MMmmmmm…….smells like a nice big lawsuit.
edamame | March 17, 2008 at 3:11 pm
C’mon…there’s gotta be SOMEBODY who would enjoy a Mrs. Dog Chapman doll…hell, I’d bet a dollar that Dog would prefer a doll than the real thing!
Dude | March 17, 2008 at 3:12 pm
funny and creepy…
clones of Jessica Alba for every man on earth = genius…
fergernauster | March 17, 2008 at 3:12 pm
I just LOVE the “3 love holes” claim.
(… as if it’s “love” the degenerates will be spilling into these plastic receptacles).
Tho’ I certainly would not refuse a 2-holed Jake Gyllenhaal model.
Drunkman | March 17, 2008 at 3:13 pm
They need one of Jessica Biel from Chuck & Larry.
twzzlrgirl | March 17, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Meaghan…I noticed that, too…They also messed with the names (obviously) to make them sexual.
Is that how they could get around a lawsuit? Not using the actual picture or name? Of course, there’s no doubt who they are talking about, so I can’t imagine it working in a court of law, but these companies are full of scumbags, so who knows?
deacon jones | March 17, 2008 at 3:15 pm
If you took the hair off Eva, you think it would look like Harry Potter? Or is that just my pipe dream?
Barack | March 17, 2008 at 3:17 pm
They need to do one for Oprah. Maybe include a miner’s cap with an attached searchlight, if everything is built to scale.
edamame | March 17, 2008 at 3:17 pm
I smell a “Lars and the real girl” part 2,
I’d have a Brad Pitt through the years doll collection.
I wonder if they have that awful “new pool toy” smell…like a vinyl factory exploded?EEEEWWW! If my hubby starts smelling like a blow-up raft….I’m going to kick his ass.
sportsdvl | March 17, 2008 at 3:18 pm
The Lohan doll also doubles as a cleaning device. You hook it up to the other “used” dolls and it sucks out mess!
La Frascatana | March 17, 2008 at 3:18 pm
#16, yeah, the Lindsay Lohan doll is more like Elizabeth Hurley in the guise of some random UFC ring card girl.
The Jessica Simpson doll is accurate, but how could they miss on that one?
LL | March 17, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Guess I’m totally thinking of the wrong part of this, but sorta wondering how these people won’t get the shit sued out of them for copyright infringement. Unless we’re to believe that both Eva Longoria and “Desperate Housewives” producers signed off on the sex doll and are getting a percentage of whatever profits.
Love the “6969″ house number. Subtle.
edamame | March 17, 2008 at 3:20 pm
What? No Pam Anderson? I guess she’s already too much like a blow up doll.
And you know that Jessica’s doll is way smarter than she is, right?
fergernauster | March 17, 2008 at 3:20 pm
@24… They already have one for Orca. It’s black-and-white bulk is bobbing gently on the surface of my backyard pool as I type this. Oh, how the kids love to ride it!
Jesse Jackson | March 17, 2008 at 3:21 pm
They were going to make a Melanie Brown doll but they figured everybody already has a black plastic trash bag.
sure | March 17, 2008 at 3:21 pm
lawl. seriously??? haha… this is weird.
Jumbo | March 17, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Thank you Superficial. Because of you I have ordered the Jessica Simpson model and she shall be mine before Easter. I plan to have a little surprise companion to show to the gang this Easter din-din, right after I give her a proper introduction in private.
mike | March 17, 2008 at 3:31 pm
they make sheep, but no goat? come on!! daddy needs to be baaaad!
mike | March 17, 2008 at 3:33 pm
I wonder if they can make one that looks like my goat? You know sometimes she is not in the mood.
mike | March 17, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Meh. Frist still has them beat. Sure, these dolls also offer 3-hole-love, but they don’t whip around eagerly for surprise-ATM (“wow…I didn’t even have to ask…”). Although I bet Jimbo is figuring out a way to deflate one to accomplish just that.
Sambo the Ass Pirate | March 17, 2008 at 3:35 pm
i see a lot of lonely nights in Lindsay Lohan’s future. Dina will buy one of these dolls and take it around party-hopping.
mike | March 17, 2008 at 3:35 pm
All mike, all the time. I love it.
mikes goat | March 17, 2008 at 3:37 pm
mikes penis smells like my butt. He tries to lick it when he’s done with me.
mike | March 17, 2008 at 3:37 pm
@34 Shut up you stupid troll.
mike | March 17, 2008 at 3:39 pm
#40 is a troll.
stizz | March 17, 2008 at 3:39 pm
ahahahah “Sarah Jessica Porkher”.
Do people seriously fuck these things? I always kinda thought they were just stag party props…but no? They’re for real?
mike | March 17, 2008 at 3:40 pm
@40 Shut up you stupid troll.
I like poop!
mike | March 17, 2008 at 3:41 pm
#36, 38, and 39 are trolls.
Bud | March 17, 2008 at 3:41 pm
I actually want them but i don’t have the guts to buy them
Jimbo | March 17, 2008 at 3:46 pm
I bought a doll like these ones, threw a red wig on it and acted out an email she sent me called “Dinner with Frist” – fuck her in the ass until I come, then have her squat over a dinner plate and squeeze the semen back out, then lick it up. I admit I was a little shocked at first when I read the email, but then I went to her myspace page and YIKES!!! Now I’m hooked on that little red hooker.
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | March 17, 2008 at 3:48 pm
#45 – Take it from a guy who knows… read the fine print that says “Picture is for display purposes only. Actual whore may vary…”
aha | March 17, 2008 at 3:51 pm
is it that hard for some people to get real live girls? hell, they could probably find a cheaper live version downtown on the corner (crabs included).
EuroNeckPain | March 17, 2008 at 3:51 pm
I cannot figure out how an inflatable doll can look like a real person.
A life-size silicon doll, yes, but an inflatable doll ?
Katie | March 17, 2008 at 3:53 pm
I worked at a porn store all last year, and sold soooooo many of the celebrity dolls, it was creepy. once you take them out of the boxes, they look…. so scary. giant gaping hole mouths, and made of plastic.