Catherine Zeta-Jones is out of her mind

July 9th, 2007 // 68 Comments

Just in case you had any doubts that Catherine Zeta-Jones is 100% ridiculous, the Daily Mail reports she regularly ships in $400 caviar and then washes her hair with it.

The Beluga caviar is apparently flown in from Iran five days ahead of her treatments at a beauty salon in South Kensington. “Catherine discovered the caviar treatment last summer and was astounded by the difference it made to her hair,” said a source. “She has an incredibly rich and vibrant natural hair colour but the creamy, almost oily nature of caviar really brings this out, making the colour even richer and making it so much more glossy.”
Miss Zeta-Jones’s hair is washed with a truffle-based shampoo, then smeared with the caviar, which is combed through and left to set.

$400 caviar for your hair is just a really really wise investment. Because before the caviar her hair looks like regular old hair, but then after the caviar it looks like, uh, regular old hair that smells like caviar. I wonder how Michael Douglas feels when Catherine Zeta-Jones puts on her solid gold pajamas and climbs into bed. I guess he’s already asleep since, you know, dead pandas are so comfortable.


  1. Jimbo

    muthafuckin FRIST!

  2. Jillblondie

    Go JIMBO!!!

  3. paeton


  4. Zach Braff

    Mandy Moore would definitely eat it instead.

  5. Sadlly, given that she pulls down tens of millions for making a movie, it probably is a pretty good investment.

  6. Mandy Moore

    A truffle-based shampoo AND caviar??? Now I know why I tried to bite Catherine’s head when we first met.

  7. amber

    fucking disgusted

  8. ApacheRose

    Michael Douglas probably thanks god every damn day she doesn’t leave his old, decrepit ass.

  9. norton

    This bitch is the epitome of “douche-bag”. I believe after she and Mikie Dougl-ASS won their photography case she uttered to the surrounding media “I know a million dollars sounds like a lot to you people, but really it’s not that much at all… (to cunts like me because I’m a gold digging whore).” Ever wonder why this douche and her husband moved to the Bahamas? Income tax evasion, that’s why.

  10. Reminder

    Mandy Moore is fat.

  11. Chauncey Gardner

    Can you imagine what this bitch smells like after she does that crazy shit? Just thinking about her with a bunch of dead baby fish in her hair is making me nauseous. Crazy bitch.

  12. aprilmax

    Well to be fair to CZJ, she does donate the leftover caviar to a homeless shelter.

    p.s. Effing ridiculous! How could you sleep at night knowing people in the world are starving to death, and you mop the greasies out of your hair with hundreds of dollars worth of imported fish eggs. Stupid woman!

  13. kdm773

    I wonder if she knows about this terrific new treatment available in China. All she has to do is eat some special dumplings (they can be a tad crunchy). Someone should really let her know.

  14. It might be ok if there was any use for her to begin with.

    “Hi, I’m Micheal Douglas, I’m married to Catherine Zeta-Jones! Wanna have sex with me?”

  15. Xanthia

    Finally! Her hair and her acting BOTH stink!

  16. lambman

    She’s over-the-top glamorous, sophisticated and insanely beautiful. I love celebs like this, I’d much rather a famous Oscar winning actress spend rediculous ammounts of money on hair products than say take drugs, become annorexic, addopt a bunch of random kids and constantly talk about how much more she does for the world than everybody else.

  17. CoquetteBean

    I fully agree with 17- she’s gorgeous, glamourous, and had to overcome a lot in the beginning of her career to get where she is. I’m not saying the story isn’t true, and it DOES sound a touch extravagent, but when you’ve got a gorgeous appearance like hers, it requires a lot of upkeep. It sure beats the hell out of all the lipo/facelifts/whatever she could be doing- she’s finding a way to maintain her natural beauty.

  18. jrzmommy

    Yes, I’ll take People with Just Too Goddammed Much Money for $100, Alex.

  19. Kamihi

    I so hope this is not true.

  20. Al Gore

    Doesn’t she know that each time she has caviar shipped to her as hair treatment, precious energy resources are wasted and Mandy Moore gains another 3 lbs?

  21. Rug Muncher

    Finally! The drapes match the carpet…


  22. Rosie's Mustach

    She is definitely a witch no question about it, boy I wish we could send her back in time, she’d get just what she deserves in a little town called Salem. Oh these greedy fucking whore celebrities, what a psycho. I bet she’d smear ground up dead virgins on her body if it made her skin look fresher.

    Do you know how many starving orphans you could feed with all that wasted caviar? Well not many cause kids don’t really like caviar but you could force feed a lot of them. “Starving orphans can’t be choosers now eat your caviar quickly or the giant dark haired beast woman will come and take it away and mash it into her vile whore hair.”

    “Oh my pretty little dead fish eggs you’re gonna make Momma’s hair so beautiful”

    Cause she’s such a pretentious bitch she probably sells the hair filled used up caviar on eBay. “People love me. The extra hair is a little bit of moi for the peasants”. You wouldn’t have to floss after that meal.

  23. Rosie's Mustach

    Boy when they say women smell like fish they aren’t kidding.

    They sell caviar tubes (looks like toothpaste at Ikea) all someone has to do is buy a bunch and sell it for 20 times as much to riche stupid women.

    Cavihair “Ladies you’ll love it’s farmiliar smell”

    If she smells like fish it might be her hair so to a wif and then lick her down there.

    If crazy Zeta is okay with her hair smelling like caviar her gaping poon stink must smell like whale guts.

  24. Rosie's Mustach

    *stupid rich women

    *If she smells like fish it might be her hair so take a wif and then lick her down there

  25. rebecca

    dude the ‘dead pandas’ comment was just mean and totally bad taste.

  26. rebecca

    speaking of totally bad taste – i don’t know if my brother ate asparagus, or mackeral, or something, but dude, last night his cum tasted awful!

  27. no reservations

    Taking all of that caviar is bad for the environment. Where’s Al Gore?

  28. kix

    I really hope this story isn’t true, but if it is there is a special place in hell for CZJ.

  29. I do like Catherin’s natural look and feminine shirt, but I do NOT think Jesis wants us to be flying into Iran during wartime!!!!

    Roberta Shugs

  30. LL

    K, I’m officially appalled by this blatant and ridiculous show of conspicuous consumption. On the other hand, her hair is effing gorgeous, so it’s kinda hard to argue with success. And caviar sucks anyway, so other than the use of fossil fuels in shipment, she’s not using up a precious natural resource. She could bathe in the shit every day for all I care. Plus, she has to sleep with Michael Douglas, so it’s all even. If caviar for her hair is what she requires, then so be it.

  31. Play Doctor

    My wife’s hair looks exactly like hers,(nice and long) except fuller and shinier (plus my lady has a way better body and much more beautiful face than this old lady). My wife She can wear it straight or wavy with very little effort. She has NEVER used any expensive bullshit for it either. If this smelly skank needs caviar to make her hair look good than I pity her. Also don’t be all surprised by this, celebs are greedy, selfish morons who can’t look good without personal trainers, plastic surgery, designer atttire and expensive potions and treatments. FREAKS.

  32. Play Doctor

    Bah forgot to spell check.
    I Don’t have a publicist to write shit for me.

  33. Sauron

    Why do younger and beautiful girls always like older men? I’ve experience with this phenomenon
    because i’m tens of thousands of years old.I can prove this because i did put this on paper before and even signed it myself.

  34. MeatSack

    Overexposed, I swear she’s a vampire.

  35. DantheMan

    If people don’t like Catherine the Great using $400 worth of caviar to make her hair shiny, then I say:


    Y’know, she would be one of the very first to lose her head during a Second French Revolution. Not that I’m advocating her decapitation, I’m just sayin’…..

  36. Kate

    What’s the big deal? My car has seats made out of California Condors. My new leather jacket? Baby manatees. Totally waterproof!!

  37. Kate

    OH- and I’ll be eating an American Bald Eagle sandwich for dinner with a side of roasted grey wolf.

    Yum. Chipotle flavored.

  38. Hayley

    I think it would be more realistic to say that she is in fact using something like Alterna Haircare Products. They have an awesome variety of full of caviar and truffles. I know Allure Beauty Supply in Vancouver,BC sells it!! The products are awesome!!!

  39. LL

    RE “Why do younger and beautiful girls always like older men?”

    Answer: Money.

    RE Posted by Kate – What’s the big deal? My car has seats made out of California Condors. My new leather jacket? Baby manatees. Totally waterproof!! OH- and I’ll be eating an American Bald Eagle sandwich for dinner with a side of roasted grey wolf. Yum. Chipotle flavored.

    You are cracking my shit up. I was gonna make up some shit about having a bedspread made out of kittens and drinking baby’s blood to stay young, but yours is better.

  40. Caminador

    Play Doctor, you’re a liar, and even if not, you’re pathetic for writing a paragraph about how hot your wife is on this board. You’re going by the handle “Play Doctor” for Christ’s sake. No one knows who you are.

    If caviar were somewhat endangered, or magnificent and beautiful like a panda, this would piss me off. But I just don’t care. People waste much more money on much dumber shit. For example, go to a strip club and watch the sad guy in the corner spend $500 on lap dances. And in my mind, paying anything for blue balls is the worst spend possible.

    “Let them Shampoo with Cake” – nice one.

  41. even if he were awake, michael douglass would be too blind to understand she was wearing gold pajamas. he’d probably think he received an oscar and then tell the butler to put her on the mantel.

  42. Shnookybush

    What’s with the censoring dammit? I SHALL NOT BE CENSORED!

  43. zhe iz old and Michael
    Douglaz iz old, they both
    would have gray hair if they
    didn’t color it…they dezerve it..

    zhe however, iz wasting money
    like that on her hair…that
    zelfouz bitch needz to donate
    to the poor inztead of acting
    like zhez zome fucking Queen
    that dezervez thoze hair treatmentz..

  44. Hollywood Agent

    I heard that if a bird poops on the top of your head, it is very lucky too. I wouldn’t be surprised if she starts to fly pigeons in from Brazil once a month to poop on her too.

    Their marriage must be really boring if she has nothing better to do than think about what type of wacky ingredients she can put on her hair. I have a wake-up call for her -all hair, except at the root, is dead and that is why when we cut it it doesn’t cry. I feel sorry for her hair. I think it must be screaming posthumously to get this treatment crap off of it.

    I almost forgot — She is also a HOMEWRECKER SLUT !!!!!!

  45. I'd still sniff it

    This is the crazy bitch that gets her bunghole bleached? She nuttier than a fruitcake

  46. Lexoka

    Well, she can probably afford it. And if it works — or even just makes her happy — then it’s a good investment.

  47. choocher

    You guys are so gullible. The caviar’s just a canard to justify the team of Iranian deliverymen who provide the real hair treatment. All the sesame oil from the cous cous and hummus makes their hate paste the true ultra-conditioner [your mom told me, that's how I know]. Plus the caviar ruse explains the smell. Mike’s savvy enough to know his tired old doggy water barely leaves a scent.

  48. d. sanchez

    my roommate asks:

    “so, does that mean she eats pantene pro v?”

  49. HeavenScent

    CZJ no matter what you slather on that head full of extensions, you are still come off as a spoiled, gold digging frizzy haired smarmy Swanzea girl who was almost killed by Mikey old man Douglass’ stalker…I once read she also uses beer too to make her hair shiny or something….

    #14 is that a reference to The Three Extremes Dumplings?! that movie was sick! lol

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