Catherine Zeta-Jones needs to leave Michael Douglas TODAY

Here are shots of Catherine Zeta-Jones at the 4th Annual “A Fine Romance” benefit Saturday night, and she has to be the hottest old lady on the planet. Okay, so she’s only 39; I think my statement speaks for itself. (Read: I want to play nude Bingo with her.) Anyway, she really needs to ditch Michael Douglas before she hits “the change,” and he strokes out watching Matlock. The guy can’t be that rich for her to be holding out. Even Hugh Hefner’s women are leaving him, and he’s roughly the same age as Mike Douglas. In fact, didn’t they fight in that war together? Which one was it… Oh, right: The Crusades.

NOTE: Wolverine knows what’s up.