Michael Douglas is a Gas

July 20th, 2011 // 54 Comments

MICHAEL: And let’s see how much it’ll cost me to have sex with Catherine.
CATHERINE: Haha! It’s true! It’s so true.

Like most people, I often lie awake at night wondering what it’d be like to dine with the Douglas-Zeta-Joneses, so imagine my surprise when these photos of Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones entertaining in France popped up, and it’s everything I’d hope it’d be and more. I’m talking him waving money in front of her face then uncomfortably sniffing it for a really long time before clearly shitting himself and everyone gets the fuck out. It’s like having one of those hilarious grandpas who’s super rich yet loves constantly reminding his new wife she’s a whore. I’d beg to move in.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin

superficial

  1. Chico

    She is so insanely HOT!

  2. Dan

    Michael Douglas must be a lot of fun… cause I still don’t see why Zeta-Jones is with him.

  3. Lunch is for wimps.

  4. MarkM

    One of these things is not like the other…
    One of these things doesn’t belong….
    Can you tell me which thing is not like the other…
    Now before I finish this song!

  5. between nailin her and making cancer take a flying one, he’s one lucky motherfucker. but that pink sweater.. makes him look like scott dipstick

    • cc

      Wearing that pink sweater clearly has an underlaying meaning ‘I beat cancer, I am fucking this chick right here, and I’ve got more money than I can count so..ya, think whatever the fuck you want because I really, REALLY am going getting the last laugh.’

  6. Catherine Zeta Jones Michael Douglas Faces Dinner
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh God! The stench! Why did you wipe your ass on my handkerchief?”

  7. Catherine Zeta Jones Michael Douglas Faces Dinner
    Commented on this photo:

    “Well you take it, right in the ass you scumbag cocksucker. “

  8. Catherine Zeta Jones Michael Douglas Faces Dinner
    Siloporcen7
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that an electric cig? Why no hands?

  9. Ha ha ha, looks more like Michael Douglas has gas. Okay, now that one’s out of the way.

  10. Catherine Zeta Jones Michael Douglas Faces Dinner
    Commented on this photo:

    Carnac the Magnificent : “The answer is…when hell freezes over and my dick can stay hard for longer than 30 seconds.”

    “The question is….can I ass-bang the whore in the purple?”

  11. Catherine Zeta Jones Michael Douglas Faces Dinner
    Commented on this photo:

    Catherine Zeta-Jones : “When will he die? Please tell me when?!”

  12. Richard McBeef

    I wish I had to two dicks so i could bipolar

    *crickets*

  13. Vivian

    He loves her above all things
    he makes her feel like royalty
    he’s got a heart of gold
    he understands her
    In the face of adversity she’s sill his number one
    he gives her out of this world orgasms
    he is the best husband in the world

  14. Catherine Zeta Jones Michael Douglas Faces Dinner
    AW
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey he had/has cancer let me smoke a ciggy to see if i can speed things up. Bitch.

  15. cc

    Ah mon dieu! I better use these euros up before the eurozone collapses under the weight of indolent Greeks and impecunious Irish.

  16. Catherine Zeta Jones Michael Douglas Faces Dinner
    Commented on this photo:

    “You remember that time you were like “Duhr-Duh-Duhr-Duh…I can’t walk…my colostomy bag is full…where am I at….Duuuhhrrr”

  17. Catherine Zeta Jones Michael Douglas Faces Dinner
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh God I just shit my last pair of clean pants!”

  18. Inga Parks

    They’re In Totu.

  19. Catherine Zeta Jones Michael Douglas Faces Dinner
    Jill_Ess
    Commented on this photo:

    I blow my nose in Euros, ya’ll!

  20. Karnak? I thought that was Carson’s bit. Old bastard is stealing jokes now.

  21. Catherine Zeta Jones Michael Douglas Faces Dinner
    your mom
    Commented on this photo:

    Ugh, you smell that? No way am I changing him this time… Where’s the goddamn nurse?

  22. Catherine Zeta Jones Michael Douglas Faces Dinner
    your mom
    Commented on this photo:

    Your husband narrowly escapes death via throat cancer, and you’re a smoker???

  23. Catherine Zeta Jones Michael Douglas Faces Dinner
    x
    Commented on this photo:

    Dude, that’s Jon Bon Jovi.

  24. Did anyone else notice Jon Bon Jovi is sitting at the end of the table also?

  25. big fake white teeth and a pink sweater over the shoulders? if this is what happens after cancer,let me die.

  26. Catherine Zeta Jones Michael Douglas Faces Dinner
    Turd Ferguson
    Commented on this photo:

    Shit they both look HORRIBLY fucked up.

  27. Cpc23

    “Grandma’s got a little spending money for you.”

  28. bing

    That guy is so old it’s creepy :-(
    Also it looks like he has false teeth.

  29. Allison Wunderlan

    Bea Arthur looks damn good for a dead woman.

  30. Catherine Zeta Jones Michael Douglas Faces Dinner
    Commented on this photo:

    call 911!

  31. Catherine Zeta Jones Michael Douglas Faces Dinner
    Tim
    Commented on this photo:

    This could have been a great lead photo. “Catherine Zeta-Jones has great table manners”

  32. Soupofdefish

    The look in her eyes says “he will die soon and I will get a young man that doesn’t smell of old death” or “I can’t wait to suck smelly old man balls”…
    Yes one of these things NOT like the other….

  33. welldoneson

    That’s not Michael Douglas, that’s his grandmother.
    People make that mistake all the time.

  34. Catherine Zeta Jones Michael Douglas Faces Dinner
    Tanzarian
    Commented on this photo:

    Kirk doesn’t look too bad here for 94.

  35. Romancing the Kidney Stone.

  36. Catherine Zeta Jones Michael Douglas Faces Dinner
    quickrick
    Commented on this photo:

    “need any help counting hon?”

    maaan! the guy is a cancer survivor! looks quite allright for what he’s been through…

  37. Catherine Zeta Jones Michael Douglas Faces Dinner
    Pip pip cheery-o
    Commented on this photo:

    yeah looks like and e-cig. nice girl not trying to knock off her hubby

  38. dontlooknow

    By the look on his face, I’d say the headline should be ‘Michael Douglas HAS gas’….

  39. Catherine Zeta Jones Michael Douglas Faces Dinner
    amanda
    Commented on this photo:

    somehow he is aging for her. there is no other explanation

  40. the captain

    ……….this is what cancer can do to your appearance, folks.

  41. Burt

    When did Michael Douglas become an old man? Chemo was not kind to him.

  42. Helena Handbasket

    Look at her eyes – Catherine is barely able to contain the insanity that Michael keeps pushing her towards.

    He’s all better now, honey. You can dump his old ass.

  43. Clueless

    Am I the only one who thinks he looks like an old woman?

    I thought they were making a sequel to Mrs. Doubtfire for a second.

  44. xtwwna

    Nana! I love your pink shawl.

  45. Catherine Zeta Jones Michael Douglas Faces Dinner
    CZJ
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yeah, he has no teeth, like from here back. Just gums.”

  46. Catherine Zeta Jones Michael Douglas Faces Dinner
    pao
    Commented on this photo:

    yes is J Bon J!!!

  47. Inmate 12236969

    Lucky motherfucker!

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