Archive for the ‘Photos’ Category

Amanda Bynes Has A Microchip In Her Head, According To Amanda Bynes

October 8th, 2014 // 22 Comments
Engaged To What Now?
Amanda Bynes Covering Face NYC
Amanda Bynes Has A 19-Year-Old Fiance Read More »

In a new interview with In Touch who I’m pretty sure are just following her around with a tape recorder while she’s talking to herself, Amanda Bynes claims she has a microchip in her head, so if you happen to have a particularly flammable dog, now would be a good time to bring it inside:

The most disconcerting of her erratic behavior was when Amanda told In Touch’s reporter she believes she has a microchip in her head. “I want a dollar a day from every person who [is] reading my mind,” she told the reporter.

Granted, while all of that sounds concerning as hell, at least Amanda Bynes didn’t say she wouldn’t be able to resist putting a baby’s penis in her mouth which is my new bar for judging how awful something is. That’s where I’m at now. “Nobody said they wanted to suck a baby’s dick? We’re good here.” – Me, going forward

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Photos: Abaca USA/AKM-GSI, Splash News

Taylor Swift’s Trying To Bang Selena Gomez!

October 8th, 2014 // 35 Comments
Selena Gomez Braless Nipples Cleavage CR Fashion Book Issue No5 Launch Party
Justin Ditches Selena For The Kardashians Read More »

Okay, that headline might seem like sensationalistic click-bait, but I honestly don’t know how else you read this Selena Gomez quote without getting the impression that Taylor Swift wants to passionately tongue her vagina in a Brooklyn brownstone while Karlie Kloss watches from a window, her jealously steaming in the nighttime rain. E! News reports:

Taylor has been begging me to live there,” Gomez said. “She’s like, ‘It’s the best decision I’ve ever made.’ Everyone always says I’m more New York when they meet me so maybe it would be good for me. I don’t spend enough time there.”

See? She might as well have said Taylor Swift keeps sending her photos of her fist. I can’t be the only one getting that impression and doodling it onto any flat surface I can find. Why can’t I get her eyebrows right?

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, ROLO/AKM-GSI, / Splash News

Gwyneth Paltrow: ‘Martha Stewart Sees Me As Competition’

October 8th, 2014 // 23 Comments
Bitch, I'll Cut You
Martha Stewart Gwyneth Paltrow
And It Won't Be A Good Thing Read More »

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Wait, she’s actually serious, isn’t she? Us Weekly reports:

“No one has ever said anything bad about me before, so I’m shocked and devastated,” Paltrow said sarcastically. “I’ll try to recover,” she added.
“If I’m really honest, I’m so psyched that she sees us as competition. I’m so psyched. I really am.”

I don’t think Gwyneth Paltrow fully appreciates who she’s messing with here. When Martha Stewart says something like, “She just needs to be quiet,” that’s not coming from a place of fear. That’s coming from a place of you specifically need to shut the fuck up before your shrill, gluten-free words piss her ears off. It’s like swatting at a mosquito if mosquitoes drove Vespas and think they have British accents. Which, again, proves my point that Gwyneth Paltrow would be more tolerable if she simply walked around spreading malaria. How many times are you going to make me keep saying it?

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Photo: Getty

Help Me, Hilary Duff’s Butt In Tight Jeans, You’re My Only Hope

October 8th, 2014 // 15 Comments

Here’s Hilary Duff‘s butt in tight jeans on the set of Good Morning America yesterday where nobody talked about putting their child’s penis in their mouth, so I’m just going to sit here for a while hugging my monitor and quietly weeping until her ass consumes my every thought and I’m back to normal again. Shouldn’t be long.

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Photos: INFphoto, Splash News

Good Morning, Caitlin O’Connor, And Other News

October 8th, 2014 // 5 Comments

- Jennifer Garner was destined to be the one to put up with Ben Affleck‘s shit. [Lainey Gossip]

- Morrissey has Morrissey things to say about having cancer. [Dlisted]

- Softball players make great bikini models. Who knew? [theCHIVE]

- Gretchen Carlson went full Benghazi on Ebola. Of course. [The Daily Banter]

- Blake Lively gave Aziz Ansari her number then wouldn’t return his texts. [Fishwrapper]

- True Story: My Gynecologist Found A Used Condom In My Vagina [The Frisky]

- Shia LaBeouf is totes method, bro. [WWTDD]

- “Ma’am, do you know why I pulled you over? To tell you the good news!” [Death and Taxes]

- Lea Michele‘s in yoga pants. [Popoholic]

- Josh Duhamel‘s son flips off the paparazzi. [tooFab]

- Goddamn, Helen Flanagan. [Hollywood Tuna]

- And you, too, Jessica Chastain in lingerie. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: PRPH/AKM-GSI, / Splash News

The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 10.7.14

October 7th, 2014 // 287 Comments

Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed, the post that hasn’t been secretly molesting children for years. I mean sure, it’s been creepily leering at butts, praying for Justin Bieber‘s untimely death, and letting out the slightest bit of terrified urine at the sight of this Mike Tyson photobomb, but little kids?

Jesus man, we’re not anima– OOOH LOOK A NIPPLE! No wait, shit, false alarm,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Jessica Lange Snubbing Lea Michele Wants To Help

October 7th, 2014 // 20 Comments

It’s been a depressing day full of unmentionable evil (Those links are right.), so here’s Jessica Lange snubbing Lea Michele at the American Horror Story: Freak Show premiere because sometimes this world can open itself up to you and not be a complete shitpot. Although very rarely, and it’s still best to assume there’s a bomb full of goddammit waiting to explode in your face at any second. Via Gawker: More »

Jennifer Garner Has To Be Loving Life

October 7th, 2014 // 16 Comments

Ben Affleck is the star of the critically-acclaimed, #1 movie at the box office that let him work closely with Emily Ratajkowski‘s naked breasts. He’s also Batman. Jennifer Garner, on the other hand, is the star of Alexander and The Fuck You I’m Not Typing All That, a Disney movie she premiered last night while accidentally lifting up her dress and flashing her Spanx to the 87,000 cameras on the red carpet, so naturally it’s everywhere you look. Then again, she could be married to a child molester, or living a life like ours. I’m sure she’s fine.

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Splash News