With Nicki Minaj cornering the ass market, it’s important to remember that it was Jennifer Lopez, not Kim Kardashian (What’s wrong with you?), who brought giant butts into the mainstream. So here she is performing at Fashion Rocks last night while flashing her 45-year-old ass or be forever banished into the wilderness in this post-Miley Cyrus Thunderdome we now live in. — I’m joking! There’s always dictators to perform for. Tons and tons of dictators. More importantly, I want to know what this guy’s job is. What’s his specific stage instructions? “Okay, beat, beat, beat, and sniffing the butt. You’re sniffing the butt. Sniff that shit like a fucking flower annnnd… jazz hands!” How do I gear my LinkedIn towards that? How do I make that happen?