Archive for the ‘Photos’ Category

Jessica Simpson’s Breasts Commercial Has Breasts

August 18th, 2014 // 41 Comments

Jessica Simpson‘s breasts breast Breastica Breast Breastson breast breasts signature fragrance breast video commercial breasts made breasts with breasts in them and the breasts were like breasts. Big ol’ titties.

Breast breast.

Breast Video After The Breast Jump

The Crap We Missed – Monday 8.18.14

August 18th, 2014 // 591 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed where I’m going to get right into it today, because holy shit is this thing full of some fuckery. We’ve got Gerard Butler and Mel Gibson having a nice chat over lunch that Fish and I are entirely convinced is just them shouting “BLOW ME!” and “PORT-A-POTTY!” back and forth until one passes out. Then there’s Chris Brown showing off doing backflips at a charity event, because those things are about trying to inflate your already monstrous ego, right? We’ve also got Queen Latifah in a swimsuit (Fellas?), Hilaria Baldwin giving a virtual tour of her birth canal, and Dennis Rodman addressing a children’s basketball program, which as far as I can tell isn’t Scared Straight, so it shouldn’t be happening.

Matter of fact, let’s just go ahead and get some of those Ebola suits for the kids and you what? Just burn the whole thing to the ground. You really can’t be too cautious here,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Bertney Gets Back To Work

August 18th, 2014 // 23 Comments

Bertney Gets Back To Work
A Jump Into Reading! Story For Summer Super Kids

Bertney had an extra fun summer vacation this year. She got to visit The Cheesecake Factory, get Boto-tox, and try on fancy britches that looked purty as pie when the nerdy man made pictures in the ‘puter box.
“Hows comes y’all can’t see me no more?” Bertney asked Papa.
“Well, that’s part a bein’ sexy, Bertney Jean,” Papa said. “Like how I tell ya to stop makin’ everyone pull your finger before Mr. David comes over. Boys like it when you’re not yourself.”
Bertney didn’t understand what Papa just said, which is all the time, she’ll tell you with a giggle, but she did understand the pulling her finger part and made a special brain memory to do it as soon as Papa left. But before she could remember her thought, it turned into a beautiful butterfly. Bertney loved butterflies.
Soon, Bertney found herself on stage in Lost Vegas again. More »

Nina Agdal’s In A Bikini, Everybody Shut Up

August 18th, 2014 // 15 Comments

There’ve been a lot of words written on the site today, too many if I’m being frank, that have nothing to do with Nina Agdal in a bikini, so honestly it’s a miracle the Earth hasn’t spun off its axis and careened into the sun yet. You’re lucky I got here just in time.

Photos: Getty

Demi Moore Gave Rumer Willis A Gun Cake

August 18th, 2014 // 15 Comments

Apparently, everyone’s supposed to lose their shit over Demi Moore giving Rumer Willis a gun cake for her 26th birthday even though it’s supposedly a callback to her photo shoot with Tyler Shields. I’m a wiener-bitch liberal when it comes to guns, and even I don’t see the problem here. Not to mention, Demi’s one of those “fun moms” who gets high with her daughters, so for we all know this could be a cute little in-joke about she banged their father because he was in Die Hard. Or that time she accidentally shot their fourth sister everyone agreed not to talk about for Bogarting the Cool Whip. (R.I.P. Shillelagh.)

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Jenny McCarthy’s Breasts And, I Dunno, Something About Creative Arts

August 18th, 2014 // 16 Comments

The Creative Arts Emmys were yesterday and honored hard-working, dedicated individuals who diligently work behind-the-scenes to create all the shows we can’t shut up about. Except none of those people have huge, fake breasts, so here’s Jenny McCarthy. Which is a shame because she’s killed people. Kids are dead because of her, and yet her breasts are so big. I genuinely hate you for putting me in this position. Anyway, either she’s pregnant or Donnie Wahlberg is. You try telling me which. It’s almost impossible to tell, right?

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

That’s Lily Allen’s Nipple And Other News

August 17th, 2014 // 33 Comments

- Beyonce wants to collaborate with Rihanna? BITCH RUN! [Lainey Gossip]

- Fergie French kisses her son. I, wait, what? [Dlisted]

- Bikini Season Is Really Hitting Its Stride [theCHIVE]

- So who wants to watch Katy Perry get her nose pierced? [Fishwrapper]

- Andrew Keegan from 10 Things I Hate About You is your new L. Ron Hubbard. [The Frisky]

- Natalie Burn is some chick from The Expendables in a bikini. [WWTDD]

- And speaking of bikinis, here’s Alessandra Ambrosio. [Popoholic]

- Gene Simmons is sorry he told everyone with depression to kill themselves. [Starpulse]

- Christina Aguilera gave birth to a girl. Whee? [tooFab]

- Goddamn, Jessica Lowndes… [IDLYITW]

- When did Emmanuelle Chriqui‘s hotness ever leave? [Hollywood Tuna]

- Don’t think about Justin Bieber having sex with Miranda Kerr and these will be awesome. [Celebslam]

- Jesus Christ, Tara Reid, put that shit away. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Xposure/AKM-GSI

Jennifer Lawrence Is Banging Chris Martin, Gwyneth Paltrow’s Chris Martin

August 15th, 2014 // 41 Comments
'I Can Eat Meat Now!'
Chris Martin
Chris Martin: Prisoner No More Read More »

“Who’s gettin’ GOOPed now, bitch? WHA?”

Gwyneth Paltrow is a wound tight, meticulous of curator macrobiotic living filtered through a sexy, breezy pashmina that only costs $25,000, so any single, working mom can afford it. Jennifer Lawrence… well, Jennifer Lawrence doesn’t give a fuck. She’ll fart, burp, make a demon face on the red carpet to crack Taylor Swift‘s veneer, and basically do things that make Gwyneth Paltrow take 14 Xanax at night. “Are those.. paper plates? My pills. WHERE ARE MOMMY’S PILLS?!” Not to mention, Jennifer Lawrence actually has breasts and they’re like staring into Jesus’s eyes, so really it shouldn’t be a surprise that Chris Martin is dating her which I’m sure has nothing to do with Gwyneth using Us Weekly to tell the world she has a new boyfriend. Purely coincidence. E! News reports:

Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin are seeing each other, multiple sources confirm to E! News. We’re told that the pair has been spending quality together since late June after the Oscar winner split with her X-Men costar Nicholas Hoult.

And Chris Martin thought fast food was awesome.

“Alright, baby, I got an early morning. Do me from behind.”
“Whoa, wait. You mean you don’t want to spend 14 hours doing Tantric yoga before having missionary-style intercourse through the fly of our Ecuadorian slumber chinos?”
“Dude, I don’t know what the fuck you just said. Stick it in before I punch you in the mouth.”
“Yes, mum.”
“Did you just call me your mom? Hell yeah.”

Photos: Getty