Archive for the ‘Photos’ Category

‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Has A Trailer

March 27th, 2014 // 13 Comments
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Trailer
WATCH: 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Official Trailer

Here’s the official trailer for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles which looks exactly like what you’d expect from a Ninja Turtle movie made by Michael Bay and the director of Battle Los Angeles. That said, I didn’t see any testicles or giant turtle dicks, so I hope every single person involved gets AIDS in the mouth. (Can you tell I’m getting back into serious film critic mode? I was trying to be subtle.)

Gwyneth Paltrow Is Metaphysically Unaligning Herself From Thespiatic Endeavors

March 27th, 2014 // 38 Comments
'Conscious Uncoupling'
Gwyneth Paltrow Thanks For Sharing Premiere
USE REAL WORDS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD Read More »

Now that she’s consciously uncoupled from Chris Martin because divorce is what you, the little people, do (I bet you don’t even buy each other uncoupling gifts, you unwashed beggar’s bazaar.) Gwyneth Paltrow will now transcendentally acquit herself of acting and don’t say quit or she’ll stab you with her gilded pheasant deboning knife. E! News report:

Gwyneth Paltrow Works Harder Than Every Mom After The Jump

Katy Perry’s Banging Riff Raff, Suck It, John Mayer

March 27th, 2014 // 46 Comments
Katy Perry Riff Raff
Wait, He Didn't Propose?
Katy Perry's Breasts Grammys After-Party
Shocked. I'm Shocked. Read More »

Continuing her trend of letting questionable men see her giant tits naked, Katy Perry is apparently dating Riff Raff now. And who the hell’s Riff Raff? The real life version of James Franco‘s character in Spring Breakers, so you’d assume Katy Perry would keep something like this a secret except she’s bragging about it on Instagram because this will surely teach John Mayer a lesson. I can just see him now, penis buried in his fifth groupie of the day as a solitary tear runs down his cheek. “Why was I such a fool?! A damn, damn foo- oh, wow, a sixth one! YES. Wait, what was I talking about? Eh, it’s not important. Ohmygod, is that a condom? Throw it out the window.”

The First Riff Raff Video That Showed Up When I Googled His Name After The Jump

Zac Efron Got His Ass Kicked By A Homeless Guy

March 27th, 2014 // 8 Comments
A Puddle Of Water, Right
Zac Efron
This Story
Checks Out Read More »

(Not pictured: Homeless guy. I think.)

Nope. Nothing that sounds like a drug deal here. TMZ reports:

We’re told cops were on patrol under the Harbor Freeway when they saw Zac and a man he identified as his bodyguard. Cops saw Zac and the other guy in a full-blown melee with at least 3 other people.
After breaking up the fight, cops questioned Zac. He told them they had run out of gas and were sitting in the car. Zac said while waiting for a tow truck they threw a bottle out the window — he never said what was in the bottle — and it smashed on the pavement near a group of transients.
Zac said the transients confronted him and the bodyguard because they believed the pair hurled the bottle at them. Zac says 2 of the transients attacked the bodyguard and when Zac got out of the car to help, he got cold cocked in the mouth. Zac said, “It was the hardest I’ve ever been hit in my life.”

So basically Zac Efron was just hanging out in a parked car in that conveniently ran out of gas in Skid Row where all the drugs he likes are easily purchased when some hobos got pissed because he innocently threw a fucking bottle at them. Wow, Jesus. Even Lindsay Lohan read this and went, “Haha! Stupid junkie lies,” before writing it all down because this is good. She can use this.

Photos: Getty

Good Morning, Nicole Aniston, And Other News

March 27th, 2014 // 30 Comments

- The Tom Cruise jerking off pic cracks me up every time. EVERY. TIME. [Lainey Gossip]

- We’re officially one horseman shy of the apocalypse. [Dlisted]

- This is a gallery full of hot redheads. [theCHIVE]

- Lady GaGa is recycling PR stunts now. [Fishwrapper]

- Samuel L. Jackson is a vegan now. I feel like someone just shot the last unicorn. [WorldLifestyle]

- Dear Christian schools, the Internet will find you. [The Frisky]

- Wikipedia tells holistic medicine to eat a dick. [The Daily Banter]

- Selena Gomez is getting really good at Instagram. [Popoholic]

- And now Joan Rivers on Lena Dunham. [tooFab]

- What’s up, Macri Elena Velez Sanchez in a bikini? [Hollywood Tuna]

- Glenn Beck didn’t like Noah? I don’t believe it. [FilmDrunk]

- Good goddamn, Nina Agdal… [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet

The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 3.26.14

March 26th, 2014 // 385 Comments

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed where I’m gonna cut right to the chase and tell you that weird-ass TV show El Hormiguero somehow got David Hasselhoff to shove his face in a guy’s bare ass. Does this man poop Big Macs? Is there a liquor store in his colon? I know I should probably be at least reference Skeeter McNasty‘s wet work fetish up there, or how a would-be heroic cab driver could have saved me from ever having to watch Two For The Money, but when you get The Hoff all up in some man butt without even a strategically placed (Yes, dangling from testicles, duh.) beer can on a string, you get all my attention.

Hey brain? Let’s never consciously uncouple from this beautiful image, for the childrens’ sake,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

Oh, Yeah, Anna Wintour Made The Right Call

March 26th, 2014 // 49 Comments
Get Tested, Kylie
Kim Kardashian Bikini Kylie Jenner
Get Tested Now. Trust Me. Read More »

Now that Kim Kardashian‘s on the cover of Vogue, she’s theoretically “made it,” and shouldn’t have to resort to tricks like walking around New York in a see-through dress now that she’s a member of the fashion elite. Except wearing respectable clothing won’t give her a cheap and easy shot of attention thanks to undersexed bloggers going, “Ooh, underwear!” like clockwork before pleasuring themselves into an Empire Strikes Back collector mug. Or so people tell me. So here she is walking to Late Night With Seth Meyers yesterday while making sure everyone knows Anna Wintour is senile now. A fact not lost on Naomi Campbell who somehow used words to express her disbelief instead of a flying phone to the face, so clearly this is an impostor:

Naomi Campbell Laughs At Kim Kardashian’s Vogue Cover After The Jump