Archive for the ‘Photos’ Category

Mariah Carey Shut Nick Cannon The Hell Up

August 22nd, 2014 // 17 Comments

Yesterday, Nick Cannon confirmed to The Insider that he and Mariah Carey have been living in separate houses for months because this guy will tell anybody fucking anything. Which is why Mariah slapped him with a gag order, so this is all going well. TMZ reports:

Sources close to the couple tell TMZ … Nick and Mariah’s lawyers hashed out a confidentiality agreement as part of their divorce … and it’s completely one-sided.
Nick is barred from saying anything about the split. If he does, there are severe financial penalties. But Mariah has the right under the agreement to announce the split on her terms.

And those terms are a Craigslist ad for a new butler who hasn’t had sex with Kim Kardashian which will probably violate a few equal opportunity laws. You can’t just come right out and say, “Oh, hey, by the way, no black guys.” It’s a different world now.

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Good Morning, Ola Jordan, And Other News

August 22nd, 2014 // 3 Comments

- Chris Pratt has reached Christian Bale-ian levels of awesome. [Lainey Gossip]

- Brooke Mueller made her assistant be a drug mule? That sounds exactly right. [Dlisted]

- Let’s Put Some Asian In The Equation [theCHIVE]

- LeAnn Rimes could be pregnant any second now. [Fishwrapper]

- Christian country music wants you to clean up after your man who’s basically a toddler. [The Frisky]

- Chelsea Handler‘s not bringing Chuy to Netflix. Has he tried sleeping with a powerful executive? [WWTDD]

- Jessica Hart does GQ. [Popoholic]

- Miley Cyrus is attending the VMAs, not performing, so you’ll still see her vagina. [Starpulse]

- Justin Bieber shaved his little pube mustache. [tooFab]

- Kristen Stewart did the Ice Bucket Challenge wrong. [IDLYITW]

- What’s up, Erin Heatherton? [Hollywood Tuna]

- Cara Santana wears the hell out of a sports bra. [Celebslam]

- Mother of fucking God, Genevieve Morton basically topless. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Fame/Flynet

The Crap We Missed – Thursday 8.21.14

August 21st, 2014 // 365 Comments

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed that starts with butt and ends with classic butt and has nothing to do with Nicki Minaj which, after yesterday, is astonishing because I could have sworn she absorbed them all. Even today, when I close my eyes, I only see those weird sun spot lights, but in the shape of two hippos sharing dental floss. Anyway, none of that has anything to do with Sean Connery and I bring that up because I inadvertently found the greatest anecdote about his life while googling his wife’s name. It’s from 2013, you can read it here, then come back and we’ll discuss how this somehow didn’t make national headlines complete with a hero’s parade and Medal of Honor ceremony.

Get Sarah Palin on the phone, I’m ready to support Obama’s impeachment now,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Michelle Rodriguez & Zac Efron Broke Up

August 21st, 2014 // 15 Comments

And just as soon as it began, Michelle Rodriguez and Zac Efron‘s relationship is already over, so assume the whole thing went exactly like this: “Oh. Sniff. Hey. Sniff. Oh. You like coke? Sniff. Yeah. Cool. Sniff. Oh, shit, we’re fucking? Uh uh uh. Sniff. Yeah! Sniff. Backflips, yeah, backflips! Let’s do ‘em! WHOO! Sniff. Fuck. I gotta get back – sniff – and movie. Sniff. Hey, weren’t you that chick in Lost? Sniff. Hey. Alright. Sniff. Shit. Bye.”

(That literally works with either one of them saying it. I know. That’s the beauty of it.)

Photo: CIAO/AKM-GSI, Pacific Coast News

Gwyneth Paltrow Did The Ice Bucket Challenge In A Bikini, Nominates Chris Martin

August 21st, 2014 // 25 Comments
Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Ice Challenge

With the exception of Katy Perry, and probably a few others I’m too lazy to Google, most celebrities recognize this is for charity and have been keeping their Ice Bucket Challenges relatively tame which is probably why I hate them so much. Except here’s Gwyneth Paltrow doing hers in a bikini because she has the ass of a 22-year-old stripper, you guys. What is she supposed to do? Wear pants? On top of that, she nominated Chris Martin because their conscious uncoupling is such a super friendly and chill separation unlike, eww, divorce, that she’s totally at peace with him nailing Jennifer Lawrence in a vineyard as we speak. And she’ll be even more at peace as soon he dumps a bucket of ice water on his dick. Chop chop. People are dying.

Gwyneth Paltrow Does Ice Bucket Challenge In A Bikini After The Jump

Kim Kardashian Destroyed Mariah Carey’s Marriage

August 21st, 2014 // 25 Comments
Child Support Is Coming
Mariah Carey Breasts Lingerie Twitter
Mariah Carey's Divorcing Her Butler Read More »

Scientists have long since theorized that the gravity around Kim Kardashian‘s ass is capable of destroying matter if not converting it into dark matter which is kind of redundant. (Smartest, if not slightly racist, penis joke you’ll ever read in your life.) So what that in mind, it really shouldn’t be a surprise that marriages are being instantly vaporized in its wake with Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon‘s divorce bringing its death toll to six.* Seven if you count Gwyneth Paltrow‘s which I do because they’ve met. TMZ reports:

Our sources say … Nick’s appearance on Big Boy’s radio show in March was the beginning of the end. Nick played Big Boy’s game — name the 5 celebs you’ve slept with. Nick named 5, but our sources say the one that made Mariah insane was Kim Kardashian.
We’re told Mariah tore into Nick for weeks … feeling humiliated and the relationship never recovered.
We’re told it went from bad to worse when Nick went on Howard Stern and talked about Mariah not giving it up before they got hitched. She went nuclear.

Here’s where I’m put in a difficult position: By all logic, Kim’s marriage should be rapidly dissolving if not already over by now. However, Kanye West seems to be preventing that by staying clear the fuck away from her, so maybe he really does love her? I mean, he’s doing everything right to keep their marriage together. He’s probably even looking into moon landings. “Bitch’ll never find me up here. — God, I love her so much.” *kanyeweeps*

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Photos: Getty

(*1. Her parents. 2. Her first one that everybody forgets about. 3. That week she married Kris Humphries. 4. Her mom’s again. 5. Khloe’s. 6. Nick Cannon’s.)

Lindsay Lohan Demanded To Do The Ice Bucket Challenge In The Middle of A Club

August 21st, 2014 // 21 Comments
Still Fucking Up
Lindsay Lohan Tina Fey Instagram
And Screwing Over Tina Fey Read More »

Lindsay Lohan‘s production of Speed-the-Plow opens in a month, so naturally she’s terrorizing clubs in New York by trying to pay with a maxed out credit card and demanding to do the Ice Bucket Challenge in the middle of the floor. Page Six reports:

She appeared at Up & Down on Monday, where sources tell us she insisted on doing the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge in the middle of the venue, using two Champagne buckets.
While the former OWN star did drench herself with ice water, unfortunately nobody appears to have been focused enough to catch it on video for the ensuing social media blitz.

Of course, one might argue that Lindsay was simply rehearsing for her appearance on The Tonight Show, but the only thing Lindsay rehearses is converting international currency into American dollars in case her johns ask for change. When you realize you just gave away a blowjob for $4.12, you bone up on your exchange rates. But I don’t have to tell you people that. I’ve seen what you do at night.

Lindsay Lohan ALS Ice Bucket Challenge After The Jump

Good Goddamn Morning, Tahiti Cora & Anais Zanotti, And Other News

August 21st, 2014 // 22 Comments

- Anna Wintour did the Ice Bucket Challenge? Okay… [Lainey Gossip]

- Jesus Christ, Anna Nicole Smith‘s estate has still been gold-digging all this time? [Dlisted]

- Why Would You Ever Get Out of Bed? [theCHIVE]

- Brandi Glanville is shutting LeAnn Rimes‘ shit down. [Fishwrapper]

- Isn’t being homeless already a Hunger Games theme park? [The Frisky]

- JWoww doesn’t want to have sex anymore. That shouldn’t be a problem. [WWTDD]

- Minka Kelly is still hot. Also nipply. [Popoholic]

- Robin Williams has been cremated in case you need every goddamn detail of his death. [Starpulse]

- Jimmy Fallon trimmed Jared Leto‘s beard, but what about the top of his penis helmet? [tooFab]

- Chrissy Teigen and Rita Ora make a nice pair. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Goddamn, Lana Zakocela… [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Pacific Coast News