Archive for the ‘Photos’ Category

Kim Kardashian Is Already Prepared For Her Daughter To Pose Naked

November 21st, 2014 // 15 Comments
'I'mma Stay In Thailand'
Kim Kardashian Naked Ass
Even Orphans Don't Want Kim To Raise Them Read More »

Constantly doing porn has made Kim Kardashian‘s lots of money along with unprecedented fame for her and her family who literally did nothing but be related to a woman Ray J peed on. But enough about why America needs to burn, here’s Kim response to the prospect of her one-year-old daughter doing a similar photo shoot to Kim’s in Paper. Via Fishwrapper:

I would support anything she wants to do. I don’t do anything with the intention to promote anyone else doing it—that’s not even what I’m trying to do. I do it because I’m proud of it. And it empowered me to feel good about myself after I had gained 500 pounds and looked like a huge slob for so long.”

In Kim’s defense, there truly is nothing more empowering than watching a man sit in front of a computer and digitally shrink your waist to a fictional size that basic physics dictate would snap in half if it tried to take one step with that ass. Sure, anyone can get an education and break the glass ceiling at their work, but letting someone Photoshop you to unrealistic proportions so you can feel superior to other pregnant bitches on the Internet? That’s some Susan B. Anthony shit. How is she not speaking in schools? Motherfuckin’ patriarchy, I see you.

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Photos: FameFlynet, Splash News

Gwyneth Paltrow Took A Run At Martha Stewart, She Missed

November 21st, 2014 // 18 Comments
Previously In Goop
Gwyneth Paltrow
The 2014 Gift Guide Seems Reasonable Read More »

Back in October, Martha Stewart dropped a nuclear pie bomb on Gwyneth Paltrow with a recipe titled “Conscious Coupling” complete with a description that took the piss right out of Gwyneth’s divorce. It was a laser-guided strike expected of someone who owns a goddamn drone. But now, a month and a half later, Gwyneth Paltrow has finally fired back by putting a recipe for Jailbird Cake in her latest GOOP newsletter full of deserts for the holiday. Which I guess is kind of a sick burn, except she buried it below a bunch of bullshit sections where PEOPLE eventually found it. Unlike Martha Stewart who made her shit an entire fucking page in her magazine complete with a witty introduction so you knew exactly who it was about. “Don’t be steppin’ no game if y’all ain’t ready to scorch some earf.” Those were her exact words which I’ve now repeated. You can release my family now.

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Photos Getty:

Good Morning, Miranda Kerr, And Other News

November 21st, 2014 // 6 Comments

- Chris Pratt will be Cowboy Ninja Viking. Whatever that means. [Lainey Gossip]

- Refinery 29‘s shit-ass puff-piece on Scientology has some problems. [The Frisky]

- Nick Jonas really needs you to know he’s not a virgin anymore. [Fishwrapper]

- Jamie Oliver: Spanking: bad, secretly rubbing hot peppers on my children’s food: good. [Dlisted]

- Spring Break In The 90s Was A Simpler Time [theCHIVE]

- Rose McGowan is naked. [WWTDD]

- Poland would like Winnie The Pooh to put some fucking pants on. [Death and Taxes]

- Bella Thorne‘s butt is back. [Popoholic]

- What is up, Tiffany Fallon? [Hollywood Tuna]

- That’s Marion Cottilard‘s naked butt. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: INFphoto, MPNC / Vantagenews / Xposure / AKM-GSI, Splash News

The Crap We Missed – Thursday 11.20.14

November 20th, 2014 // 368 Comments

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed, your daily dose of random celebrities you thought were dead mixed with women’s butts in yoga pants and excited gay dudes. I honestly have no clue how these things combine so harmoniously that you guys happily devour them daily, but I choose not to question what I consider to be magic. So by all means, enjoy this random collection of photos that equates to a pulled pork sandwich with hot fudge sauce, and shit, I said yesterday I wasn’t going to make fun of Kelly Clarkson.

*walks to podium* I’d like to dedicate this award for ‘Longest Way Around For A Fat Joke’ to my parents. Your choice to raise me Catholic effectively beat the self-esteem out of me like it was an alter boy who couldn’t keep his mouth shu–*music swells*

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Splash News

Kim Kardashian Tries To Adopt Orphan In Thailand, Orphan’s Like ‘Nah’

November 20th, 2014 // 15 Comments
'I Was Clenching!'
Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tight PVC Dress Fleur Fatale Fragrance Launch
Just Stop Talking, Stop Saying Words Read More »

“I’m here now, child, your Fairy Buttmothe- why are you running?!”

On a recent episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, supreme ass-clencher Kim Kardashian pretended to possess a soul capable of empathy and compassion by expressing interest in adopting a young girl from an orphanage in Thailand because every episode can’t be about shopping and a mouse in Kourtney‘s new mansion. Just most of them. Anyway, the 13-year-old girl was apparently savvy enough to realize she’d just be fed to the Wookiee which is what I’m going with. The Daily Mail reports:

Pink, an outstanding scholar whose mother sent her to the home because she was too poor to care for her and fund her education, immediately bonded with Kim and gave her a bracelet in a visit in April filmed for her hit show Keeping Up with The Kardashians.
But after being told the reality TV star wanted to adopt her, Pink said: ‘Everyone wants to have a different or a better life, I suppose. But when I thought about it I realised it wouldn’t be good for me, because I would have to leave so much behind. I wasn’t ready for that.’

Except if you watched the episode, you were led to believe it was the sage-like wisdom of Kris Jenner who stopped the deal by telling Kim you can’t just buy children from Thailand. You have to go to Malawi. That’s how Madonna does it: More »

Lady Gaga Has An Armpit Tattoo, Also Side Boob

November 20th, 2014 // 16 Comments

Remember Lady Gaga? Used to be Paul from The Wonder Years? Eh, it doesn’t matter. Here she is showing off her new armpit tattoo in England which I’m posting because you can see her side boob, and side boob isn’t Bill Cosby raping people. “Allegedly.” A topic I’ll eventually have to write about later today before staring into the phalanx of rape apologists this site attracts, so let’s table my depression for a minute and look for stray nipples. Whadda ya say, champ? (I’m doing it right now, aren’t I? Goddammit.)

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Photos: Fame/Flynet

Stop Asking Serious Artist Baby Goose To Be ‘Sexiest Man Alive,’ Girl

November 20th, 2014 // 12 Comments
'2014 Sexiest Man Alive'
Chris Hemsworth Shirtless Bathing Suit
It's Official. Thor Soaks All The Panties. (Enjoy Your Legacy, 'People') Read More »

Posted by Photo Boy

Yesterday, we spent some time considering whether or not Thor could get us off harder than any other chiseled actor, and today, we’ll spend even more time thinking about one of the guys who didn’t get that honor. I want to make it perfectly clear that when we’re casually discussing who is “the sexiest” by way of People magazine’s top-selling feature, we’re saying that when we sexually climax in the height of our passion, we’d like it to be all over Chris Hemsworth in the bed of a rusty farm truck. Perhaps this is why Ryan Gosling has decided “multiple” times not to be the superimposed face on your fat, sweaty lover’s body. Via The Wrap:

“They tried a few times, especially during his huge year in 2011,” an individual close to the cover negotiations said. Multiple efforts were consistently squashed by the actor’s team. “The consensus was he’s too serious for it, too artsy,” the individual added.

Or maybe this whole thing is a complete farce to sell magazines and/or get people to click on websi- *gets knuckles rapped with ruler by Fish* Fine, I just want to pull one more quote from this in-depth investigation into why Ryan Gosling doesn’t want me thinking about him when I masturbate with shampoo in the shower. Why, Ryan?! Why don’t you want us jerking off to your face??!!

But it’s the “Drive” star who speeds away from the glory.

Wow. That awful pun is hands-down the grossest thing written in this post. We can all agree on that as well as how much we want to blow Loki, because he’s totally the hottest Asgardian. (Now I’m mixing your nerd jargon with gay sex fantasies. Make me write another one of these. Go ahead.)

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Photo: MPNC/AKM-GSI

Good Morning, Alexandra Eriksson, And Other News

November 20th, 2014 // 10 Comments

- Benedict Cumberbatch wants to be Ryan Gosling. [Lainey Gossip]

- This is what Kylie Jenner looks like without 800 pounds of war paint. [Fishwrapper]

- Donald Sutherland thinks Jennifer Lawrence is Jesus, so guess who saw the nudes. [Dlisted]

- Rip-Roaring Redheads Coming In Hot [theCHIVE]

- Anna Wintour‘s backhanded reason for putting Kim Kardashian on the cover of Vogue. [The Frisky]

- Molly Shannon got breast implants. These are words I actually just wrote. [WWTDD]

- Julien Blanc, the pick-up artist jackass who chokes women, got shut down by the UK now. [Death and Taxes]

- Scarlet Johansson has a new mom hairdo. [Popoholic]

- Victoria’s Secret Casting Is The Best Thing Ever [Hollywood Tuna]

- What’s up, Brooke Perry? [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet