Archive for the ‘Photos’ Category

Miley Cyrus Is So Sad Her Dog Died She Immediately Bought A New One

April 7th, 2014 // 19 Comments
This Seems Redundant
Miley Cyrus Porn Parody Miley May
Miley Cyrus: The Porn Parody Read More »

While performing in Boston last week, Miley Cyrus broke down crying after her dog Floyd died and could barely make it through the show. Except here she is not even two days later with her new puppy Moonie because you know why pets will never be like children? You can’t just go out and buy a new kid at the baby store. Believe me, I tried to open one, and holy shit the red tape. Apparently in Obama’s America you can’t let people pick their own newborn out of a giant lobster tank. It’s fucking communism.

Photos: Splash News / Getty

Chris Martin Cheated On Gwyneth Paltrow With A Lowly Commoner

April 7th, 2014 // 8 Comments
This Makes More Sense
Gwyneth Paltrow Nipples
Conscious Uncoupling Is A Clever Ruse Read More »

While Gwyneth Paltrow had the quiet poise and sophistication to conduct her affairs with captains of industry, Chris Martin has reportedly debased himself by sleeping with a common peasant. Page Six reports:

NBC staff have been buzzing about an affair Martin had after appearing as the musical guest on “Saturday Night Live“ in 2011 with Coldplay. Martin also made an appearance on “Weekend Update” with Fred Armisen and Kristin Wiig as Garth & Kat.
One source tells us the girl in question was an assistant on the show, while another NBC source explained, “He had an affair with a woman who was backstage and was part of an entourage. Everyone was talking about it because he was openly flirting with her at one of the show after-parties.”

An assistant? Ewwww. I bet she has scurvy. Which probably explains why Gwyneth Paltrow’s rep threw Chris Martin right under the mass transit contraption where he belongs: More »

Good Morning, Julia Pereira, And Other News

April 7th, 2014 // 13 Comments

- Johnny Depp is getting really fucking annoying. [Lainey Gossip]

- Naomi Campbell is throwing phones at Michael Fassbender‘s penis now. [Dlisted]

- Please, nobody tell these girls how their clothes are supposed to work. [theCHIVE]

- A Cameron Diaz and her pubes shall not be separated. [Fishwrapper]

- Demi Lovato Made Naked Pictures [The Superficial]

- Jennifer Lopez‘s ass has still got it. [Popoholic]

- Funny Girl Sex Guide: Bad Sex Etiquette [The Frisky]

- Richard Donner is talking about a Goonies sequel again. [tooFab]

- Hey, bigots, guess what? You’re losing. [IDLYITW]

- What’s up, Bryana Holly? [Hollywood Tuna]

- Goddamn, I Need A Nerd-Cigarette: A Review of ‘Captain America: The Winter Soldier’ [The Superficial]

- Kaley Cuoco really loves her implants, so just assume she tried to marry them. [Celebslam]

- Heaven Is For Real advertises group tickets in its TV spots. That’s all you need to know. [FilmDrunk]

- Keri Russell‘s sex scenes in The Americans look like this. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet

Demi Lovato Made Naked Pictures

April 6th, 2014 // 45 Comments

Like my contemporaries God and his hippie bastard of a son, I don’t work on Sundays. Except today’s a special Sunday because Demi Lovato‘s naked pictures just leaked and I’ll be horse-damned if I’m going to renege on my sacred journalistic oath to put boobies on the Internet. Also, if I’m being frank, this is how I show love. This is how I show my love. Let’s get an apartment.

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The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 4.12

April 5th, 2014 // 23 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which you’re surprisingly still getting after I wrote a giant nerd novel about Captain America: The Winter Soldier for I am a kind and benevolent blogger of celebrity boobs with a splash of Commie pinko talking points. And we’ve even got a special comment below thanks to USDA Prime McBeef’s epic table of contents for Farrah Abraham‘s “In The Making”, part one of her Celebrity Sex Tape trilogy because Hitler and Christians were right. We need to burn books. Books have gone bad. I’ll get the lighter fluid.

Farrah Abraham ‘In The Making’ Table of Contents After The Jump

We Went To The Movies And All You Got Are These Jennifer Metcalfe Bikini Photos

April 4th, 2014 // 46 Comments

Alright, folks, apparently the summer blockbuster season starts the first weekend of April now, so by the time you’re reading this Photo Boy and I are on our way to see Captain America: The Winter Soldier where there will be no hand holding or butterfly kisses. I don’t care what that hobo we paid to film us says. He’s a drunk. So while we do that, and you wait with bated breath for my review later today, here’s whoever the hell Jennifer Metcalfe is. (The bikini pickins were slim. Sue me.) And if that does nothing for you, below is Conan O’Brien giving Jordan Schlansky a cowboy makeover which should immediately send you plummeting down a YouTube hole to find more of him because my God:

Conan Gives Jordan Schlansky A Cowboy Makeover After The Jump

Lindsay Lohan’s Telling People She Was Supposed To Be In ‘The Avengers’ Now

April 4th, 2014 // 43 Comments
Guess Who's Broke Again
Lindsay Lohan Jimmy Fallon
$2 Million Barely Buys You Any Coke, You Guys Read More »

In a new episode of her reality show, serial liar Lindsay Lohan claims she was supposed to be in The Avengers, but her manager screwed the whole thing up by “not pushing hard enough.” Oh, and also they wanted an “unknown,” so it would’ve never worked because she’s Lindsay Lohan: Movie Star. Except Uproxx expertly deduced that the only possible role she could’ve been, but absolutely was not, up for is Maria Hill which went to Cobie Smulders, the star of a long-running, popular sitcom and not in any way an “unknown” beneath Lindsay Lohan. So just to put all of this in perspective, here’s what Lindsay Lohan was doing in late 2010/early 2011 while Cobie was consistently and professionally showing up for work and Marvel was looking at actresses: More »