Archive for the ‘Photos’ Category

Good Morning, Lisa Opie & Ana Braga Bikini Photos, And Other News

August 12th, 2014 // 6 Comments

- James Franco is a blonde douchebag now. [Lainey Gossip]

- Which apparently is how Kanye prefers Kim. Penis, too, probably. [Dlisted]

- The Minx In The Red Wet Dress is Valeria Orsini [theCHIVE]

- Selena Gomez‘s Teen Choice Awards speech was a little weird. [Fishwrapper]

- Ariana Grande‘s brother is a shitbag. [The Frisky]

- Goddamn, Genevieve Morton. [Popoholic]

- Why do Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick keep briefcases full of cash in their house? [Starpulse]

- Is Christina Aguilera looking at the baby, or her breasts that will slowly degorge? [tooFab]

- Luci Ford is still crazy hot. [Hollywood Tuna]

- A drunk, naked Michelle Rodriguez running through the mud, anyone? [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photos: Splash News

The Crap We Missed – Monday 8.11.14

August 11th, 2014 // 436 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, coming at you from a three-day that didn’t start with me watching my childhood get CGI’d in the nuts, so it’s from a good place. That’s probably why I decided to fill it with uplifting images like Joe Jonas and Antonio Banderas both handling their failed relationships remarkably well albeit via completely different methods. There’s also Jennifer Nicole Lee using the “just tear the band-aid off fast approach” instead of what’s usually a shocking foreplay revelation as well as the collectible David Hasselhoff spoon, which yes, of course, is specifically designed to scoop burger off the floor.

*opens window, inhales fresh air, notices majestic, soaring hawk, looks over at Fish sitting in the corner rocking himself, muttering* “Her fucking pets…they made them her goddamn pets..”

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Paris Hilton Makes $347,000/Hour To Press Play

August 11th, 2014 // 35 Comments
$85 Fucking Million
Stephen Colbert Kim Kardashian App
Stephen Colbert Destroys Kim Kardashian's App Read More »

In a world where Kim Kardashian‘s app makes $85 million and Michael Bay movies dominate the box office, it really shouldn’t come as a surprise that Paris Hilton makes over six times the median yearly salary in the US in just one hour for pressing play. Page Six reports:

The 33-year-old hotel heiress has been living it up in in the Mediterranean where she’s taken up residency at Ibiza’s club Amnesia. Paris has reportedly made $2.7 million in the short span of four days on her two-month DJ tour.
“She’s making $2.7 million from the four nights – $347,000 an hour,” a source told The Sun (via AZ Central). “The crowds do seem to enjoy it but most are too off their faces to care that she’s simply pressed play on a Beyoncé megamix.”

When reached for comment, God responded: “What? I get bored giving little kids cancer. Sue me.”

Photos: INFphoto

Michael Bay Should Only Do This, Nothing But This

August 11th, 2014 // 15 Comments

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles might be a childhood-raping CGI abortion that already made enough money to greenlight a sequel because you people are the fucking devil except here’s Michael Bay proving he still serves a purpose in this world and that purpose is Victoria’s Secret commercials. Sure, any idiot can point a camera at hot models, but it takes a visionary like Michael Bay to dump them in the desert to see if their bodies will explode from the heat. And if not, there’s C4 in the trunk. And under the seats. — Alright, you got him, the whole car’s made of it. “Let’s light matches and bang!”

Photos: Pacific Coast News

Miley Cyrus Stole Nicki Minaj’s Butt And Made It White (Yup)

August 11th, 2014 // 35 Comments
Miley Cyrus Nicki Minaj Butt Anaconda

A while back there was a quietly brushed under the rug shitstorm about Miley Cyrus appropriating black culture, so here she is stealing a black woman’s body and Photoshopping it white which should put all of that to bed. Because if there’s one way to truly a respect a race, it’s essentially saying it’d look better with your white face and skin. This is better than reparations.

Miley Cyrus Photoshopped Nicki Minaj’s Butt After The Jump

The 2014 Teen Choice Awards

August 11th, 2014 // 163 Comments
'Shut Up About Fat Brother'
Kim Kardashian Nipples Legs High Slit Dress Almost Panty Flash
Your Children's Role Model Read More »

Someone just spotted Kim Kardashian.

I’ve grown old enough where I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be a teenager and now hate them for their youthful vigor and freedom to make stupid choices with abandon. Case in point: I once drove an hour to the nearest Best Buy to buy Limp Bizkit’s Significant Other. A dystopian society where our emotions are administered by robots would’ve detected this weakness and laser beamed me in the dick, so keep that in mind. Anyway, to drive that stupid part home, here’s The 2014 Teen Choice Awards where Cancer Girlfriend (That’s the title. Shut up.) won everything and the Kardashians were invited as role models and not gag urinals. Which is why it’s time to stop hoping for moon bases and AIDS cures and set our sights on more realistic goals like advanced boob jiggling in video games. Which actually sounds awesome, and now I feel bad about those kids I shot on my yard. One of them might perfect CGI nipples.

Photos: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Amy Willerton Is Topless And Other News

August 11th, 2014 // 15 Comments

- Kristen Stewart is still bitching about being famous. [Lainey Gossip]

- Sinead O’Connor thinks Justin Bieber is sexually exploited. Run, Usher! She knows! [Dlisted]

- There Are Sexy Chivers Among Us [theCHIVE]

- Julia Roberts is talking shit about Halle Berry. [Fishwrapper]

- If Ryan Gosling didn’t know Jane Fonda wants him to eat her vagina, he does now. [The Frisky]

- January Jones in lingerie, anyone? [WWTDD]

- I will fucking kill you, Hayden Christensen. Fucking kill you dead. [Popoholic]

- Beyonce‘s still trying to shut down divorce rumors. [Starpulse]

- Jennifer Aniston won’t “inject shit” into her face. [tooFab]

- Remember Victoria Jackson? Apparently she ran for office. And lost. [IDLYITW]

- I don’t pay near enough attention to Nina Dobrev. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Chris Brown is beating the shit out of nature now. [Celebslam]

- Anastasia Ashley‘s butt sells things now. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photos: FameFlynet

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 4.21

August 8th, 2014 // 29 Comments

So good news: I survived Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles without vital organs sloughing out of my butt. However, the loss of my time along with subsequent brain damage will affect every man, woman, and child on the planet. Or just the ones following me on Twitter. Anyway, to make up for a light day while I get to work writing about everything wrong with Hollywood ninja kicking a robot samurai, here’s this week’s The Most Important People on The Internet which may include a selection from my “private collection.” I’m still a bit disoriented from seeing a movie that entirely hinges on Megan Fox‘s acting. There aren’t enough filthy Ferraris in the world to justify that. Unless Michael Bay‘s moved onto economy sedans… Jesus Christ, we’re all dead.

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter