Archive for the ‘Most Important People’ Category

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 3.28

August 31st, 2013 // 61 Comments

I always know it’s going to be a goddamn awesome week for The Most Important People on The Internet when it’s only Monday, and I’ve already set aside 10 comments. (Also, I heard a rooster crow three times, and when I texted Simon Peter he wrote back, “Wasnt me bitch LOL.”) So huge thanks to everyone who brought their A game, and stay tuned for a big announcement next week where someone will be chosen to join me at my side until I pit you against Photo Boy in The Ring of Jealous Feelings and grow turgid from the heat of conflict.

Mmmm, that’s good decadence,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 3.27

August 24th, 2013 // 46 Comments

Welcome to another installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, our weekly wrap-up of all the horrible shit you people write in the comments. Which is coming at you a little late today, but let’s not pretend any of us have exciting weekend plans so it’s not like we were doing anything anyway. Case in point: You’re either reading (or in my case, writing) this site which automatically makes you a giant penis to be around. Embrace it.

Vaya con dickos,

- The Superficial

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Photos: FameFlynet

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 3.26

August 17th, 2013 // 54 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet brought to you by way more of Tanning Mom‘s gooch than any man, woman or child should ever encounter. If there’s a way to deliver a baby via a woman’s chest, I hope that’s how her daughter entered this world or may God have mercy on her soul. Anyway, that’s all I really wanted to talk about. Tan Mom’s hooch.

Don’t feed it after midnight,

- The Superficial

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The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 3.25

August 10th, 2013 // 46 Comments

Welcome to the return of The Most Important People on The Internet because Photo Boy and I didn’t go to New York this week and drunkenly meander into a Bread & Butter where I’m pretty sure I ate a black and white cookie, a mammoth slice of Hawaiian pizza and swallowed two pieces of gum then died out the anus the next day. Ah, the big city. Anyway, I’ll get out of the way, but first special props to Deacon Jones whose pitch-perfect Anthony Weiner comment almost was the coveted final spot until a last minute challenger wheeled in and gave Russell Brand an erection. For such are the days of our lives…

- The Superficial

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Photo: INFdaily

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 3.24

July 27th, 2013 // 98 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet that’s so goddamn full of nerd jokes from Comic-Con this Mylar bag holding my issue of Superman #75 is no longer NM if you know what I mean. (Read: Not because of the detailed drawing of his bare-chested nips while fighting Doomsday. Entirely.) On that note, I can’t remember the last time we broke 30 comments, so I’m getting right the hell out of the way and contemplating whether or not to bite the bullet on The Wolverine. Which says a lot about The Lone Ranger considering I didn’t even think twice about not seeing it because my time is precious. Precious like gold. *goes back to watching Ted on HBO for the fifth time in a week*

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 3.23

July 20th, 2013 // 53 Comments

Welcome to another installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, our weekly wrap-up of all the horrible shit you say in the comments. This week we’ve got Breaking Bad jokes, political jokes, Frankie Muniz jokes and topical plane crash humor. It’s mmm – *kisses fingertips* – delicioso. On that note, if I haven’t said this before, wherever the hell caley came from he/she has easily joined the ranks of Bionic_Crouton, Gilberator, ThisWillHurt, Little Richard, dontkillthemessenger and McFeely Smackup. Feel free to put that on your resume and/or use it to lure the gender of your choice into intercourse with an alarming success rate.

As Uncle Ben once said to Peter Parker, “Great power comes a lot,” (Nailed it.),

- The Superficial

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Photo: Instagram

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 3.22

July 13th, 2013 // 61 Comments

Welcome to the return of The Most Important People on The Internet after another two week hiatus because God forbid America goes one year without a birthday party. You’re 237 years old, act your age. Anyway, I wrote 2,787 words about punching robots yesterday, so I’m immediately ducking out of the way and letting your dick jokes do the lifting. But first, a special thanks to this week final comment for somehow achieving both horribleness and an unbridled sense of hope. For the first time in my life, I no longer fear death.

*assumes Lotus position*

- The Superficial

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Photo: Bauer-Griffin

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 3.21

June 29th, 2013 // 66 Comments

Welcome to the return of The Most Important People on The Internet which took a little hiatus last week because there honestly wasn’t enough comments to justify a whole gallery (Although, the ones that would’ve made it are in here.), but holy shit, did you guys make up for it this week. I’m pretty sure half of these are from Monday alone, so whatever the hell you drank/smoke/paid to have sex with last weekend, do that again. I don’t care if that means Chris Hansen might finally catch you this time, the Internet needs more Bane jokes about Nicolas Cage. That said, nobody even try to top the Timothy Olyphant one. It’s not safe to fly that close to the sun unless you want to become a classic Nintendo game which I’m pretty sure is how that story ends. Or am I thinking of Rygar?

*disappears down a pipe*

- The Superficial

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Photo: INFdaily