Archive for the ‘Most Important People’ Category

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 24

April 22nd, 2011 // 228 Comments

Welcome to the 24th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet coming at you a day early this week because America comes to a grinding halt to honor fictional characters. Although, admittedly, I’m just salty there’s no National Batman Day. I WANT MY COUNTRY BACK! Anyway, enjoy this assortment of barbs, yucks and offensive chicanery brought to you by some of the finest commenters on the Internet today. If they were a wine, I’d store them in my basement and forget they there until I moved. I don’t throw compliments around like that lightly.

See you Monday,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 23

April 16th, 2011 // 75 Comments

Welcome to the 23rd installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, meaning you, the commenters, and your comedic droppings left here in lieu of doing actual work. Because while your boss just signs your paycheck, I on the other hand, give you a forum to fight over how pretentious celebrity vegans are for an entire week. Also, bikinis. In the meantime, I’ve noticed a growing trend in people quoting Tim Burton’s Batman lately, and while none of them have made the cut to Most Important People yet [Ed. I stand corrected.], special kudos to Maximus for this gem left on yesterday’s Christie Brinkley pic:

Each product only contains one component. The poison only works when they’re mixed. Hair spray won’t do it alone. But hair spray and perfume and lipstick will be toxic and — untraceable.

I get a grin, again and again,

- The Superficial

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Photo: INFdaily

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 22

April 9th, 2011 // 119 Comments

Welcome to the double deuce volume of The Most Important People on the Internet: Now with 10% more midget jokes! That being said, I’m pretty sure everyone gets it in the dick this week from lesbians to gamma-radiated African-Americans (above) to whatever the hell Amanda Seyfried counts as. I don’t recall Spielberg ever giving E.T.’s race a name.

Will I get ants if I tape Reese’s Pieces to my sex parts? No reason,

- The Superficial

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Photo: INFdaily

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 21

April 2nd, 2011 // 111 Comments

Welcome to the 21st installment of The Most Important People on The Internet making it old enough to drink even though I’ve been pouring whiskey in it since it was but a wee sparkle in me bloggin’ fingers. On that note, I really don’t have much to say this week, but if you’re looking for an extra helping of commenty goodness, you can’t go wrong with these Boy George and Arnold Schwarzenegger threads. If they were my children and I was forced to pick a favorite, I’d mercy shoot them both in the face to spare one the pain of my rejection. Or so they’ll quit asking. Honestly, that’s the type of question that make me glad I have unprotected sex with women who are probably on the pill. (I don’t like to pry.)

Respecting ladies’ privacy since I found out you keep hygiene products in your purse,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Pacific Coast News

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 20

March 26th, 2011 // 100 Comments

Welcome to the 20th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, and this week, I just want to say a huge, sincere thanks to how well you guys have taken to The Crap We Missed. It’s gone from pulling teeth to find great comments to Photo Boy (He’s gonna love that nickname.) and I literally spending each day deliberating over which ones make the cut. We practically had a knife fight over the two Kevin Federline at Subway comments until taking the wiener way out and posting both. (It was almost naptime.)

You had me at “I’d pee in her butt,”

- The Superficial

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Photo: INFdaily

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 19

March 19th, 2011 // 78 Comments

Welcome to the 19th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, or more aptly titled, “Ke$ha and Justin Bieber Get Molested By Your Words.” But before digging into to the smooth, commenty center, a special thanks to the following people:

1. Every single person on this Kirstie Alley thread.
2. “Satan’s Bitch” for finding Boner Boy by looking in a place that wasn’t Stephanie Seymour‘s huge breasts. I don’t know why someone would ever do that, but now I can call off the search and finally take off these goggles. (In case he jumped out at me.)

Vaya con Dios,

- The Superficial

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Photos: Pacific Coast News

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 18

March 12th, 2011 // 73 Comments

Welcome to the 18th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet making this feature old enough to vote and no longer something I have to hide from Chris Hansen. (I swear I never touched it there until today.) On that sexy note, I’m going to get out of the way of this beauty because not only is it a cavalcade of shitkickery, but it marks the first time I picked a comment from the previous week’s comments of the week post so it’s practically Inception. Are we in my dream, or the Asian businessman’s I lured into my basement with promises of Hello Kitty underwear? *spins top* DON’T YOU FUCKING FALL!

If my dead wife tries to shoot you, tell her I’m still waiting on those pork chops,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 17

March 5th, 2011 // 66 Comments

Welcome to the 17th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, and we’ve got a short gallery this time around which I completely understand. You had Charlie Sheen flaming out and machine gun-firing gold in the process that even I didn’t want to follow and that’s how I earn a paycheck. So on that note, kudos to the people who still brought it and it’s no surprise it’s names you see here week-after-week which has me contemplating some sort of “Commenter Battle Royale,” if you will. But more on that at a later date.

Last week, I made a list of commenters who made me laugh but didn’t quite fit in this type of gallery. So let’s keep that tradition rolling with a new list of Unsung Heroes that’s sure to go over so, so awesome. More »