Archive for the ‘Most Important People’ Category

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 40

August 13th, 2011 // 167 Comments

Welcome to the 40th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet that’s quality over quantity this week, and just a reminder, I always save the best one for last. I’m pointing that out because this is the first time a ton of you called out a comment for being hilarious, and it actually was to the point that I whipped myself with a cat o’ nine tails for not thinking of it first. Also, it feels sassy!

I’ve over-shared again,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 39

August 6th, 2011 // 96 Comments

Welcome to the 39th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, populated by your comments because, surprisingly, not all of them are a strange, disturbing outlet for gratuitous racism and homophobia to hide one’s inadequacies, just 99.9% of them. (I say that with love.) On that note, here’s one that I hope is real because it’s proof that reality is always way more hilarious than manufactured comedy. From LuLu on the Samuel L. Jackson golfing post:

I was actually at a charity golf tourney in Portland, OR years ago and he was playing. After every shot, we heard him say ’solid gold!’…its was fucking hilarious!!!

Somebody find out what deity I need to offer a sacrifice to to make that true. I’ll be out back hosing off the altar from when I made those Blake Lively nude pics happen which I probably should’ve got around to sooner, but my neighbors threatened to call the Homeowners Association and I’m a spiteful motherfucker.

Rectus dominus,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 38

July 30th, 2011 // 142 Comments

Welcome to the 38th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet loaded to maximum capacity with your comments because, and I mean this, you people are the real stars, except when it’s paycheck time and then you’re all mopeds. “McFeely who? I have no idea what that person looks like pantsless behind a Chinese buffet…” On that note, if I haven’t mentioned this before, we’re in the process of putting together a brand new photo gallery experience along with a much better commenting system, so soon, Internet Jesus willing, all of our penis jokes can fly into this site like Tila Tequi- Wow! I’m gonna stop right there. I already said her name twice this morning, and you don’t want to know what happens when you say it a third time. (Chlamydia. You get chlamydia.)

Tally ho,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Pacific Coast News

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 37

July 23rd, 2011 // 156 Comments

Welcome to the 37th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which is running a little late today on account of a drug addict overdosing on drugs (Who knew they did that?) and me writing an 800-page review about a man in blue tights winning World War II with practically nothing but super-steroids, an entire platoon armed with supernatural weaponry and a motorcycle that shoots rockets. Just like our boys did it.

Down with Hitler! All the way down, sir,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 36

July 16th, 2011 // 201 Comments

Welcome to the 36th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet – God, these features grow up so fast, don’t they? – featuring a smattering of your comments hand-picked by Photo Boy and myself, so you can click a roof over our heads, and maybe a Ukrainian hooker or five. No pressure. On that note, a special salute to Dreg who really went to town on the Weston Cage karate post and came up with a move for practically every single photo. It’s the kind of dedication we should probably have, but in our defense, we’re exposed to hazardous work conditions, and count ourselves lucky to survive each day with our souls intact. I can still hear her ass flubbering…

See you Monday with tales of yet another Skeletor clone getting divorced (I blame Stinkor.),

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 35

July 9th, 2011 // 195 Comments

“And then I’ll tweet it, tumble it, Reddit it, StumbleUpon it, MySpace it, Flickr it, mail copies to Us Weekly…”

Welcome to the 35th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet that’s so full of Casey Anthony jokes, I’ve never been more proud of anything before in my life. It’s almost as if you let the concept of “too soon” play alone by the pool while you practiced making duck lips in the mirror, that’s how little you cared about it.

I love you,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Flynet

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 34

July 2nd, 2011 // 127 Comments

Welcome to the 34th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet that five of you will read because this is a special time in America where we honor Jesus defeating the English with nothing but an AK-47 and privatized health care by shooting fireworks into each others faces. So, enjoy this week’s smattering of comments, and also a tip of the hat to the commenters who brought true hilarity to my blackened heart. Namely every single dude who flipped the fuck out on the ‘Quentin Tarantino Sucked My Toes’ post. Apparently there’s a shocking amount of you who don’t realize women really do care about the size of our peni and tell all their friends how terrible we are in bed. Chances are if you’ve found yourself wondering if it’s too small, she’s told at least five people that it is, and also that time you farted when she took her pants off. Nothing is sacred which is why you should always go into sex like I do: With total disbelief that it’s happening and fully prepared that it won’t ever again because they hold all the vaginas. For now…

Yeesh, that came off rapey,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News