Archive for the ‘Most Important People’ Category

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 37

July 23rd, 2011 // 156 Comments

Welcome to the 37th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which is running a little late today on account of a drug addict overdosing on drugs (Who knew they did that?) and me writing an 800-page review about a man in blue tights winning World War II with practically nothing but super-steroids, an entire platoon armed with supernatural weaponry and a motorcycle that shoots rockets. Just like our boys did it.

Down with Hitler! All the way down, sir,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 36

July 16th, 2011 // 201 Comments

Welcome to the 36th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet – God, these features grow up so fast, don’t they? – featuring a smattering of your comments hand-picked by Photo Boy and myself, so you can click a roof over our heads, and maybe a Ukrainian hooker or five. No pressure. On that note, a special salute to Dreg who really went to town on the Weston Cage karate post and came up with a move for practically every single photo. It’s the kind of dedication we should probably have, but in our defense, we’re exposed to hazardous work conditions, and count ourselves lucky to survive each day with our souls intact. I can still hear her ass flubbering…

See you Monday with tales of yet another Skeletor clone getting divorced (I blame Stinkor.),

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 35

July 9th, 2011 // 195 Comments

“And then I’ll tweet it, tumble it, Reddit it, StumbleUpon it, MySpace it, Flickr it, mail copies to Us Weekly…”

Welcome to the 35th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet that’s so full of Casey Anthony jokes, I’ve never been more proud of anything before in my life. It’s almost as if you let the concept of “too soon” play alone by the pool while you practiced making duck lips in the mirror, that’s how little you cared about it.

I love you,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Flynet

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 34

July 2nd, 2011 // 127 Comments

Welcome to the 34th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet that five of you will read because this is a special time in America where we honor Jesus defeating the English with nothing but an AK-47 and privatized health care by shooting fireworks into each others faces. So, enjoy this week’s smattering of comments, and also a tip of the hat to the commenters who brought true hilarity to my blackened heart. Namely every single dude who flipped the fuck out on the ‘Quentin Tarantino Sucked My Toes’ post. Apparently there’s a shocking amount of you who don’t realize women really do care about the size of our peni and tell all their friends how terrible we are in bed. Chances are if you’ve found yourself wondering if it’s too small, she’s told at least five people that it is, and also that time you farted when she took her pants off. Nothing is sacred which is why you should always go into sex like I do: With total disbelief that it’s happening and fully prepared that it won’t ever again because they hold all the vaginas. For now…

Yeesh, that came off rapey,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 33

June 25th, 2011 // 149 Comments

Welcome to the 33rd installment of The Most Important People on The Internet and I’d just like to say a special thanks to the comments that really made me laugh this week, but got lost in the mix on account of the Ryan Dunn flame wars. I’m talking about you, Steven Spielberg conspiracy theorists on the Megan Fox post with your wacky talks of eugenics and claims of colluding with George Lucas and James Cameron to propagandize America into accepting our new Chinese overlords. I saw what you did there.

Tip of the hat to New York for stepping out of the Dark Ages,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 32

June 18th, 2011 // 93 Comments

Welcome to the thirty two-th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet where almost anyone who makes a Star Wars, and now Watchmen, quote automatically makes the cut because I wore glasses until the ninth grade and spent my Friday nights begging my mom to order me Star Wars shit off of QVC. But enough about the taut, sexual thriller full of intrigue and ballet from director Darren Aronofsky that is my origin.

And now the funny words I wish I thought of first,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 31

June 11th, 2011 // 222 Comments

Welcome to the 31st installment of The Most Important People on The Internet bringing you only the best in Internet comments, handpicked from the threads with all the hate, vitriol and warning signs of deviant sexual behavior you’ve come to expect. Think of us like the guy selling vegetables on the side of the road except the vegetables are penis jokes and now you know for certain these stands are nothing but a front to stab hitchhikers. Especially the Amish ones.

Blowing cases wide open,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 30

June 4th, 2011 // 88 Comments

He needed this.

Welcome to the 30th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet where it should be slowly realizing it’s half-dead as random strands of gray hair hammer that point home. *pops a fistful of Xanax* Where was I and is there even a point to anything anymore? Oh, right, comments. Short gallery today thanks to a short week, but you’ll still find it loaded with hilarity and Aubrey O’Day’s terrifying hooch which you people somehow can’t get enough of. On that note, I’m now in the early stages of launching a cold cuts fetish site and will begin accepting savvy investors, but only if they have the balls to make 800 billion Internet dollars. (Current value = ~2 funny cat photos.)

Printing money,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Pacific Coast News