Archive for the ‘Most Important People’ Category

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.16

April 14th, 2012 // 97 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, a collection of your comments that simultaneously makes me laugh and makes first time visitors wonder if they’ve stumbled upon a retard site for retards. (Maybe.) On that note, you might want to mentally prepare yourself for reading the worst thing anything could possibly say about Charlize Theron. I literally balked only to turn around and include it because pageviews are my pimp and I am but its lowly whore.

I’m back on the curb, I’m back on the curb! Jesus…

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.15

April 6th, 2012 // 74 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, coming at you a day early thanks to the holiday weekend. On that note, I’d like to offer my sincere apologies to Easter. Not so much, or even at all, for all those jokes about the holiday basically being another zombie story but for a far, far greater offense. Namely Kim Kardashian having sex with Kanye West the way he likes it enough times that he agreed to let her basically announce their relationship right into the Easter news vacuum so it’s all anyone will talk about. If Jesus actually existed, I’m pretty sure he’d go, “You know, that cross business doesn’t seem so bad all of a sudden.” That or he’d make it rain and go, “Look at me, I’m Ray J!” It’s a coin toss.

See you Monday,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Getty

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.14

March 31st, 2012 // 87 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet where one of you clearly used some form of incredible witchcraft to point out that Paris Hilton looks exactly like George Hamilton’s Gay Zorro if Gay Zorro owned a chicken cutlet factory. My mind is officially blown.

On that note, everyone needs to scope out Shasta’s commenter page which is just full of ridiculous photo gems that make the new comment threads worth their weight in the occasional beaver shot I have to moderate out. Also, someone of you haven’t figured out that you need to register to vote on comments, so do that if you want to be part of our little democratic slut archipelago and soon the most thumbs up’d comments will be highlighted right in the thread. It’ll mouth sex your socks off.

*slashes the letter Z into Photo Boy’s shirt*

- The Superficial

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Photo: INFdaily

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.13

March 24th, 2012 // 122 Comments

After a two-week hiatus, welcome to the triumphant return of The Most Important People on The Internet which is stuffed to the gills with your horrible, celebrity-induced mind-sharts. And, seriously, you guys brought the goods this week, so I’m going to step right the fuck out of the way and let you dive into the gallery that gave me an asshole of time trying to decide who gets the coveted last spot which I’m already thinking about changing to the Michael Bolton one. Or, no, the Jon Hamm app one.

Goddammit,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Fame/Flynet

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.12

March 10th, 2012 // 115 Comments

Welcome to this week’s The Most Important People on The Internet now with 80% more donut-burger induced neck-boils. Ha! You kids and your skin growths. And for those of you new to the site, this is where we gather up all the horrible shit said in the comments and make people read them all over again for the very first time. Think of us as almost-Christ-like figures with similar re-virginating powers as Jesus, except after we revirginate you we go, “So… wanna get naked?” And, yes, I realize that was the most accurate description of this feature I’ve ever written. I’m in awe myself.

Blessed be the penis jokes,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Getty

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.11

March 3rd, 2012 // 85 Comments

Welcome to another installment of The Most Important People on the Internet where Jessica Simpson‘s manatee-fetus was clearly your last minute muse because there’s at least three comments in here. On that note, I didn’t even know how to choose from this Lil Wayne thread, so I’d be a shitty purveyor of breasts and wiener jokes if I didn’t bring it to your attention.

Serious note, I joke about the midwest, but best of luck to everyone out there who can’t even sit down for a cup of coffee without a tornado punching their house in the dick. So if you’ve got a couple bucks to kick to the Red Cross to help out your fellow Americans, Donate Here.

- The Superficial

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This goes out to my boy Big Wheel, single wheeledly keeping the economy flowin’ by makin’ it rain on them bitches. And, yes, I am the whitest person alive:

Photo: Bauer-Griffin

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.10

February 25th, 2012 // 120 Comments

After a presidential hiatus, welcome to the tenth installment of The Most Important People on The Internet in this second volume of our Lord which features some of the most pitch-perfectly random references I’ve seen in a while. Seriously, you’ll never look at Alexander Skarsgard the same way again, unless you’ve always had some sort of weird Christmas-themed elf-fucking fetish. (Not to be confused with my love of Dinklage.) In which case, bring tissues.

Feliz Navidad,

- The Superficial

P.S. There will be more Stephen Hawking. Oh, yes, there will be more…

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Photo: Splash News