Archive for the ‘Most Important People’ Category

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.19

May 5th, 2012 // 57 Comments

Welcome to another installment of The Most Important People on The Internet that begins and ends with Mariah Carey‘s cameltoe. Not only did you find a most fruitful muse but I also think it’s metaphor of how we come into this world and my ultimately exit it. Also, honorable mention has to go to spartacus who probably would have snagged the coveted final spot if the Arnold Schwarzenegger pic had been from this week. So bravo, sir, ma’am, or angry 13-year-old in between masturbation sessions, you’ve once again made me laugh at humanity’s gradual slide into nonexistence.

- Photo Boy

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Photo: Fame/Flynet

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.18

April 28th, 2012 // 45 Comments

Welcome to another installment of The Most Important People on The Internet where your snarky hatred was nearly derailed by pit bull owners almost unanimously saying the breed gets a bad wrap because of thoughtlessly violent jackholes like Chris Brown as well as a fierce debate over the merits of Canada’s welfare system (Thanks for that, Octomom.) But you powered through and found clever ways to call these people; a shameless whore, fat, moronic, shameless whore again, boring, incontinent, hopeless drug addict, irrelevant, batshit, irrelevant again, reptilian, gay, ugly and back to shameless whore, or what we like to call Ground Zero around here.

*single tear rolls down cheek, golf claps* Well played faithful readers, well played,

- Photo Boy

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Photo: Pacific Coast News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.17

April 21st, 2012 // 95 Comments

Welcome to another installment of The Most Important People on The Internet where I swear to God Tori Spelling‘s face was like this when we found her. Anyway, this week’s collection features one of the sweet memes you fuckers have been posting in the comments, and it’s pretty obvious why this one made the cut because lili84 is absolutely right: It was begging to be done. So kudos to her for possessing the Internet balls (And/or the female equivalent of huge brass ones. Steel curtains? I’m going with steel curtains.) to grab the Skars-bull by the penis-horn. Not that I imagine him as some sort of wild, untameable steer who will never break no matter how hard you buck him or anything. That’s probably something you just projected onto this post. You’re obsessed, alright? Just come to terms with it.

I’ll be your Swedish Fish, Mr. Northman BOOBS! I love boobs!

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.16

April 14th, 2012 // 97 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, a collection of your comments that simultaneously makes me laugh and makes first time visitors wonder if they’ve stumbled upon a retard site for retards. (Maybe.) On that note, you might want to mentally prepare yourself for reading the worst thing anything could possibly say about Charlize Theron. I literally balked only to turn around and include it because pageviews are my pimp and I am but its lowly whore.

I’m back on the curb, I’m back on the curb! Jesus…

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.15

April 6th, 2012 // 74 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, coming at you a day early thanks to the holiday weekend. On that note, I’d like to offer my sincere apologies to Easter. Not so much, or even at all, for all those jokes about the holiday basically being another zombie story but for a far, far greater offense. Namely Kim Kardashian having sex with Kanye West the way he likes it enough times that he agreed to let her basically announce their relationship right into the Easter news vacuum so it’s all anyone will talk about. If Jesus actually existed, I’m pretty sure he’d go, “You know, that cross business doesn’t seem so bad all of a sudden.” That or he’d make it rain and go, “Look at me, I’m Ray J!” It’s a coin toss.

See you Monday,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Getty

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.14

March 31st, 2012 // 87 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet where one of you clearly used some form of incredible witchcraft to point out that Paris Hilton looks exactly like George Hamilton’s Gay Zorro if Gay Zorro owned a chicken cutlet factory. My mind is officially blown.

On that note, everyone needs to scope out Shasta’s commenter page which is just full of ridiculous photo gems that make the new comment threads worth their weight in the occasional beaver shot I have to moderate out. Also, someone of you haven’t figured out that you need to register to vote on comments, so do that if you want to be part of our little democratic slut archipelago and soon the most thumbs up’d comments will be highlighted right in the thread. It’ll mouth sex your socks off.

*slashes the letter Z into Photo Boy’s shirt*

- The Superficial

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Photo: INFdaily

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.13

March 24th, 2012 // 122 Comments

After a two-week hiatus, welcome to the triumphant return of The Most Important People on The Internet which is stuffed to the gills with your horrible, celebrity-induced mind-sharts. And, seriously, you guys brought the goods this week, so I’m going to step right the fuck out of the way and let you dive into the gallery that gave me an asshole of time trying to decide who gets the coveted last spot which I’m already thinking about changing to the Michael Bolton one. Or, no, the Jon Hamm app one.

Goddammit,

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.12

March 10th, 2012 // 115 Comments

Welcome to this week’s The Most Important People on The Internet now with 80% more donut-burger induced neck-boils. Ha! You kids and your skin growths. And for those of you new to the site, this is where we gather up all the horrible shit said in the comments and make people read them all over again for the very first time. Think of us as almost-Christ-like figures with similar re-virginating powers as Jesus, except after we revirginate you we go, “So… wanna get naked?” And, yes, I realize that was the most accurate description of this feature I’ve ever written. I’m in awe myself.

Blessed be the penis jokes,

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Getty