Archive for the ‘Most Important People’ Category

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.28

July 7th, 2012 // 82 Comments

Welcome to another sex-citing installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which I honestly didn’t think was going to happen because of the July 4th donut hole in the middle of the week, but you people never cease to amaze me. In fact, I’m still reeling from the amount of people who came out of the woodwork on their day off to defend/attack The Amazing Spider-Man, one of whom I still owe a response to on Facebook it was that fucking passionate. (It’s coming, Hashim.) We’re humongous nerds with no lives is pretty much the point I’m trying to make here. If this site were a black hole, the chance to touch a vagina would be the matter that disintegrates the closer it gets to it. Or accelerates into oblivion, bends, travels back in time, turns into a glowing space baby, whatever. It ain’t here.

Don’t change,

- The Superficial

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Photos: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.27

June 30th, 2012 // 53 Comments

Welcome to another exciting installment of The Most Important People on The Internet featuring the triumphant return of McFeely Smackup which is the reason why I couldn’t post this week’s cavalcade of commentical WTF until one in the afternoon and not at all because Photo Boy and I smuggled whiskey into a showing of Prometheus last night. In fact, I don’t even know what those words mean, but they sound like the ramblings of a weird man-child with a superhero fetish which, I think we can all agree, doesn’t describe me at all.

Up, up and away!

- The Superficial

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Photo: Getty

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.26

June 23rd, 2012 // 81 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which might as well be called “Wow, Macaulay Culkin and January Jones Are Ridiculous People, Let’s Point That Shit Out.” And if you don’t get half the Macaulay references, well then, fuck you and your youth. Some of us like slowly falling apart and having way less sex. Except not really, I’m going to drink your bone marrow in your sleep absorbing your youth and then touch girls again. Or I’ll just go to Cracker Barrel and gum a biscuit. Probably that.

Get off my Internet yard,

- The Superficial

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UPDATE: The “You are posting too quickly” issue has been resolved, so please continue shoving your comments into this filthy site as often as you like. It’s asking for it.

Photo: INFdaily

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.25

June 16th, 2012 // 61 Comments

“Eww. Did you just get pregnant?”

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet featuring a smattering of your ruminations from throughout our week’s menagerie of penile tomfoolery beneath photographic renderings of celebrity schadenfreude.

I just cunnilinged the fancy part of your brain.. stuff,

- The Superficial

P.S. Did McFeely Smackup die? Or, worse, have his office put up a firewall? God, I don’t even like saying that.

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.24

June 9th, 2012 // 84 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet featuring the largest selection of comments we’ve seen in a while so hookers and coke for everyone! Yay! Also, somebody made a sweet Futurama reference which may be a first, but then again, I drink a lot and the ol’ memory ain’t what it used to be. On that note, if you were honestly expecting me to interrupt my weekly rejuvenation regimen to comment on the Lindsay Lohan accident/publicity stunt (Which I’ll get to Monday.) refer back to that last sentence which may or may not contain words that are relevant to these other words that somehow appeared in front of me. Don’t quote me on that.

And that’s the story of how my best friend Bucky died fighting lazer Nazis,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Fame/Flynet

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.23

June 2nd, 2012 // 58 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on the Internet where, if you’ll indulge me for a minute, I want to respond to commenter Eric on last week’s edition:

I’d like to know how comments get picked for Most Important People. Some really smart, funny comments never make it and some really dumb ones do. Some with a high number of thumbs ups don’t make it either. What’s the secret?

This is really a great question because the answer sheds a light on how hard it is to write comedy from the comfort of my home, mostly while not even changing out of pajama pants until the twilight hours. It’s terrible, I know. Anyway, the comments that make it are the ones that at the moment I read them manage to crack through my hard cynical shell and bring some level of titter to my mouth. Of course, this is entirely dependent on my mood – much like when you read the site – because comedy is extremely subjective which is why I have several ulcers that make me Photo Boy ritualistically commit murders in a secluded cabin based on books of The Bible.

I He sees your sloth,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Pacific Coast News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.22

May 26th, 2012 // 89 Comments

Welcome to another infected exciting installment of The Most Important People on the Internet brought to you by the letters, S, T and D and featuring an almost gynecological glimpse into Paris Hilton‘s death-hole that you get to stare at until we get back on Tuesday. Think of it as our way of saying thanks for coming up with funny shit to populate this post each week. (We always give the best gifts, I know.)

Now would be a good time to start buying hand sanitizer in bulk,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Pacific Coast News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.21

May 19th, 2012 // 63 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet where I’m starting to realize Alan Moore references have become the new Star Wars jokes. I’ll allow it. On that note, it’s nice to see Sean Connery make his first appearance even if the comment is little on the nose, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t look like he’s saying it or getting ready to swiftly apply his hand to a woman’s bottom for daring to interrupt man talk. Probably both.

*makes note to call Photo Boy “Miss Moneypenny” from here on out*

- The Superficial

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Photo: Fame/Flynet