Archive for the ‘Most Important People’ Category

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.31

July 28th, 2012 // 62 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet even though that title belongs to Antoine Dodson for helping me rationalizing eating at Chick-fil-A albeit via a defense that immediately falls apart under the slightest of scrutiny, so everybody knock that shit off. Anyway, short gallery this week which is usually what happens when the site’s bombarded with such polarizing topics as mass shootings, enabling child molesters, sparkling emo sluttery, and probably the most detrimental to society, letting Kate Gosselin back on TV. All horribleness aside though, hats off again to Christian Bale who I like to believe kicked in random doors at the hospital screaming “WHERE IS SHE?!” in Batman’s voice because his heart’s that big. (That old guy was gonna die anyway.)

- The Superficial

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Photo: Getty

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.30

July 21st, 2012 // 58 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet coming at you later than usual to give The Dark Knight Rises review room to.. spread its wings? (Innocent people were senselessly murdered in a movie theater, yet I’m alive to make that pun. That’s how you know there isn’t a God.) So keeping that ball of horrible going, here are the comments from throughout the week that broke through my jaded heart and brought brief joy where there was only dick jokes and hate. Also, a special shout out to mismy on the TDKR thread for literally suggesting the government caused the Colorado shooting because it can control our minds via fluoride in the water and now Obama’s all set to sign a treaty with the U.N. in six days and take our guns. That’s the funniest shit I’ve read all week, and I’m not just saying that because the nano-bugs in my Starbucks told me to. (Those mostly just make me shop at Target instead of Walmart and act all prissy about it.)

Haha! We’re a nuclear superpower,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.29

July 14th, 2012 // 81 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which might as well be called “The Time Gilberator Reminded Us All What A Goddamn Treasure He Is Because At Least Half Of These Are Him.” On that note, today’s batch includes a The Incredibles reference, so this really is becoming the nerdiest little boob blog on the Internet and not just because Harvey Levin gave me a wedgie the other day, according to a source close to my underwear:

“There… was… pulling… yanking… and… ellipses… as.. far… as… the .. eye.. can… see.. because… that’s… how… people… talk…”

(Psst. My penis is the source. Shhh.)

- The Superficial

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Photos: INFdaily

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.28

July 7th, 2012 // 82 Comments

Welcome to another sex-citing installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which I honestly didn’t think was going to happen because of the July 4th donut hole in the middle of the week, but you people never cease to amaze me. In fact, I’m still reeling from the amount of people who came out of the woodwork on their day off to defend/attack The Amazing Spider-Man, one of whom I still owe a response to on Facebook it was that fucking passionate. (It’s coming, Hashim.) We’re humongous nerds with no lives is pretty much the point I’m trying to make here. If this site were a black hole, the chance to touch a vagina would be the matter that disintegrates the closer it gets to it. Or accelerates into oblivion, bends, travels back in time, turns into a glowing space baby, whatever. It ain’t here.

Don’t change,

- The Superficial

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Photos: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.27

June 30th, 2012 // 53 Comments

Welcome to another exciting installment of The Most Important People on The Internet featuring the triumphant return of McFeely Smackup which is the reason why I couldn’t post this week’s cavalcade of commentical WTF until one in the afternoon and not at all because Photo Boy and I smuggled whiskey into a showing of Prometheus last night. In fact, I don’t even know what those words mean, but they sound like the ramblings of a weird man-child with a superhero fetish which, I think we can all agree, doesn’t describe me at all.

Up, up and away!

- The Superficial

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Photo: Getty

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.26

June 23rd, 2012 // 81 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which might as well be called “Wow, Macaulay Culkin and January Jones Are Ridiculous People, Let’s Point That Shit Out.” And if you don’t get half the Macaulay references, well then, fuck you and your youth. Some of us like slowly falling apart and having way less sex. Except not really, I’m going to drink your bone marrow in your sleep absorbing your youth and then touch girls again. Or I’ll just go to Cracker Barrel and gum a biscuit. Probably that.

Get off my Internet yard,

- The Superficial

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UPDATE: The “You are posting too quickly” issue has been resolved, so please continue shoving your comments into this filthy site as often as you like. It’s asking for it.

Photo: INFdaily

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.25

June 16th, 2012 // 61 Comments

“Eww. Did you just get pregnant?”

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet featuring a smattering of your ruminations from throughout our week’s menagerie of penile tomfoolery beneath photographic renderings of celebrity schadenfreude.

I just cunnilinged the fancy part of your brain.. stuff,

- The Superficial

P.S. Did McFeely Smackup die? Or, worse, have his office put up a firewall? God, I don’t even like saying that.

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.24

June 9th, 2012 // 84 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet featuring the largest selection of comments we’ve seen in a while so hookers and coke for everyone! Yay! Also, somebody made a sweet Futurama reference which may be a first, but then again, I drink a lot and the ol’ memory ain’t what it used to be. On that note, if you were honestly expecting me to interrupt my weekly rejuvenation regimen to comment on the Lindsay Lohan accident/publicity stunt (Which I’ll get to Monday.) refer back to that last sentence which may or may not contain words that are relevant to these other words that somehow appeared in front of me. Don’t quote me on that.

And that’s the story of how my best friend Bucky died fighting lazer Nazis,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Fame/Flynet