Archive for the ‘Most Important People’ Category

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.35

August 25th, 2012 // 72 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which takes us even further into the new Golden Age of Gilberator who’s apparently metamorphosed into the Henry David Thoreau of tit jokes. I’m not lying when I say I’ve literally wept at the end of them. On that note, Photo Boy almost pissed himself at the Gary Oldman comment which means a lot considering he spends 75% of his day hand-picking photos for The Crap We Missed in hopes of inspiring horrible jokes like how much Brett Ratner loves masturbating to shrimp. You’ve given his life purpose where before there was only me and a whip yelling, “BOOBY PICTURES, HYAH! UPLOAD! UPLOAD!” *CRACK-SNAP*

His name’s still Toby,

- The Superficial

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Photo: INFdaily

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.34

August 18th, 2012 // 91 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which might as well be called the “Haha, Bono’s Fat” Edition. No lie, I could’ve easily filled this thing with nothing but riffs on U2 songs which you guys delivered in spades. And speaking of giant hams, Katy Perry‘s naked butt shows up in here, but it’s the weekend, so I just assume most of you aren’t at work and sitting at home nude on a chair crafted from the finest Corinthian leather. There’s really no other way to read the site. Except at work when you should be working. Please keep doing that.

Seriously, I’m too beautiful for retail. They’ll do things to me,

- The Superficial

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Photos: IXOLA/AKM-GSI

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.33

August 11th, 2012 // 70 Comments

Welcome to another installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, where we take the past week’s celebrity schadenfreude and make it have sex with your comments like the two of them are the last pandas on earth. Sometimes there’s some tears, a couple of gunshots, but in the end it all becomes a beautiful love song.

When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie, that’s amore…

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.32

August 4th, 2012 // 67 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which starts out with Katy Perry trying to boob away the gay, ends with a solid Kim Kardashian ass joke but not before tittilating you with a nougaty Arnold wants housekeeper vagina center. In fact, his captions are so good, I wish I could make this post grope you out of respect. He’d want it that way.

Who is your daddy, and what does he do?

- The Superficial

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Photo: INFdaily

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.31

July 28th, 2012 // 62 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet even though that title belongs to Antoine Dodson for helping me rationalizing eating at Chick-fil-A albeit via a defense that immediately falls apart under the slightest of scrutiny, so everybody knock that shit off. Anyway, short gallery this week which is usually what happens when the site’s bombarded with such polarizing topics as mass shootings, enabling child molesters, sparkling emo sluttery, and probably the most detrimental to society, letting Kate Gosselin back on TV. All horribleness aside though, hats off again to Christian Bale who I like to believe kicked in random doors at the hospital screaming “WHERE IS SHE?!” in Batman’s voice because his heart’s that big. (That old guy was gonna die anyway.)

- The Superficial

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Photo: Getty

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.30

July 21st, 2012 // 58 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet coming at you later than usual to give The Dark Knight Rises review room to.. spread its wings? (Innocent people were senselessly murdered in a movie theater, yet I’m alive to make that pun. That’s how you know there isn’t a God.) So keeping that ball of horrible going, here are the comments from throughout the week that broke through my jaded heart and brought brief joy where there was only dick jokes and hate. Also, a special shout out to mismy on the TDKR thread for literally suggesting the government caused the Colorado shooting because it can control our minds via fluoride in the water and now Obama’s all set to sign a treaty with the U.N. in six days and take our guns. That’s the funniest shit I’ve read all week, and I’m not just saying that because the nano-bugs in my Starbucks told me to. (Those mostly just make me shop at Target instead of Walmart and act all prissy about it.)

Haha! We’re a nuclear superpower,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.29

July 14th, 2012 // 81 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which might as well be called “The Time Gilberator Reminded Us All What A Goddamn Treasure He Is Because At Least Half Of These Are Him.” On that note, today’s batch includes a The Incredibles reference, so this really is becoming the nerdiest little boob blog on the Internet and not just because Harvey Levin gave me a wedgie the other day, according to a source close to my underwear:

“There… was… pulling… yanking… and… ellipses… as.. far… as… the .. eye.. can… see.. because… that’s… how… people… talk…”

(Psst. My penis is the source. Shhh.)

- The Superficial

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Photos: INFdaily

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.28

July 7th, 2012 // 82 Comments

Welcome to another sex-citing installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which I honestly didn’t think was going to happen because of the July 4th donut hole in the middle of the week, but you people never cease to amaze me. In fact, I’m still reeling from the amount of people who came out of the woodwork on their day off to defend/attack The Amazing Spider-Man, one of whom I still owe a response to on Facebook it was that fucking passionate. (It’s coming, Hashim.) We’re humongous nerds with no lives is pretty much the point I’m trying to make here. If this site were a black hole, the chance to touch a vagina would be the matter that disintegrates the closer it gets to it. Or accelerates into oblivion, bends, travels back in time, turns into a glowing space baby, whatever. It ain’t here.

Don’t change,

- The Superficial

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Photos: Splash News