Archive for the ‘Most Important People’ Category

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.40

September 29th, 2012 // 48 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet brought to you by awesomely timed photographs of teleprompters and the letter Jon Hamm‘s penis. Also, special kudos to whoever the hell is letting John Travolta walk around looking like Bram Stroker’s Dickula while promoting The Savages abroad. Because nothing says enjoy our fine American cinema like a goddamn Nosferatu trying to incept you into thinking alien ghosts in a volcano cause allergies. It’s all the rage in Bruges.

Everybody get the Gilligan’s Island joke so I don’t feel old,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.39

September 23rd, 2012 // 70 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet coming to you a day late because I stepped foot in a Monkey Joe’s yesterday, so none of you know my pain. NONE OF YOU! But enough about how I’m going to start picking off cars from an overpass, this week’s collection is another robust smattering of commentical wizardry because clearly we’re in the middle of a Silver Age of dick jokes. Also, I highly suggest everyone scope out the Photoshop stylings of YerGross who made an image this week that I literally can’t look at for less than five minutes and anyone who’s ever done hallucinogenics knows exactly what I’m talking about. Or seeing nothing but a tap-dancing dog instead of words down here. Haha! He’s got a little top hat.

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.38

September 15th, 2012 // 132 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet where I don’t know what the hell you’ve been feeding each other, but you people brought it this week because I honestly don’t think we’ve had an MIP over 25 comments since Amanda Bynes‘ 80th hit and run which is a really long time, I know. However, if you’re hoping like I was that this thing would be engorged to the point of explosion with Jon Hamm‘s penis jokes, turns out basically everyone that looked at it was frozen in awe and barely able to speak. In fact, I’m almost positive dudes from Westboro Baptist looked at that thing and went, “Praise the Lord and pass the cockunition, goddamn!” It’s powers are legion, I tell you.

Jon Hamm’s penis be with you,

- The Superficial

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Photos: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.37

September 8th, 2012 // 49 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet brought to you by Katie Holmes‘ butt and everyone making BJ jokes about Frank Langella because we’re in a fancy place. And speaking of fancy, I finally watched Contagion last night and there’s no way that movie isn’t exactly what Gwyneth Paltrow thinks will happen if she eats Chinese food. Just no way. (Like how I transitioned into a completely random joke about a movie that came out over a year? Poignancy, I has it.)

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.36

September 1st, 2012 // 56 Comments

Welcome to the Labor Day weekend installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, hand-crafted by yours truly while Photo Boy spends his three-day dying from malaria, so drink one for him. On that note, you’ll notice that this week’s assortment contains two comments that I personally consider blasphemy, but fortunately I’m such a non-biased, objective purveyor of dick jokes. And if you’re trying to figure out which ones they are, here’s a clue: The two of them starred in a movie together, and had their characters banged on screen, I’m pretty sure all I’d see is a beautiful Pegasus that slowly transformed into Alexander Skarsgard‘s face bathed in a golden light. — I’ve said too much again.

Anyone else suddenly hungry for pickles and ice cre- OHMYGOD TWINS,

- The Superficial

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Photo: INFdaily

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.35

August 25th, 2012 // 72 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which takes us even further into the new Golden Age of Gilberator who’s apparently metamorphosed into the Henry David Thoreau of tit jokes. I’m not lying when I say I’ve literally wept at the end of them. On that note, Photo Boy almost pissed himself at the Gary Oldman comment which means a lot considering he spends 75% of his day hand-picking photos for The Crap We Missed in hopes of inspiring horrible jokes like how much Brett Ratner loves masturbating to shrimp. You’ve given his life purpose where before there was only me and a whip yelling, “BOOBY PICTURES, HYAH! UPLOAD! UPLOAD!” *CRACK-SNAP*

His name’s still Toby,

- The Superficial

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Photo: INFdaily

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.34

August 18th, 2012 // 91 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which might as well be called the “Haha, Bono’s Fat” Edition. No lie, I could’ve easily filled this thing with nothing but riffs on U2 songs which you guys delivered in spades. And speaking of giant hams, Katy Perry‘s naked butt shows up in here, but it’s the weekend, so I just assume most of you aren’t at work and sitting at home nude on a chair crafted from the finest Corinthian leather. There’s really no other way to read the site. Except at work when you should be working. Please keep doing that.

Seriously, I’m too beautiful for retail. They’ll do things to me,

- The Superficial

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Photos: IXOLA/AKM-GSI

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.33

August 11th, 2012 // 70 Comments

Welcome to another installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, where we take the past week’s celebrity schadenfreude and make it have sex with your comments like the two of them are the last pandas on earth. Sometimes there’s some tears, a couple of gunshots, but in the end it all becomes a beautiful love song.

When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie, that’s amore…

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News