Archive for the ‘Most Important People’ Category

The Most Important People on The Internet: Zombie Jesus Edition

April 18th, 2014 // 60 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet coming at you a day early thanks to America’s magic mascot rising from the dead two thousand years ago because that’s literally how long we’ve been beating the zombie genre into the ground. Anyway, I’ve also got two long as shit comments that broke our gallery, so special thanks to Pierce Bronzetan and cmonreally for paying careful attention to Katherine Heigl‘s Duane Reade lawsuit and pointing out the goddamn ridiculousness of Kim Kardashian‘s Audrey Hepburn photo shoot respectively. May the Holy Bunny fill your Fallopian tubes with assorted eggs, candies, and those little birds made out of marshmallows. For as it is written. More »

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 4.12

April 5th, 2014 // 23 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which you’re surprisingly still getting after I wrote a giant nerd novel about Captain America: The Winter Soldier for I am a kind and benevolent blogger of celebrity boobs with a splash of Commie pinko talking points. And we’ve even got a special comment below thanks to USDA Prime McBeef’s epic table of contents for Farrah Abraham‘s “In The Making”, part one of her Celebrity Sex Tape trilogy because Hitler and Christians were right. We need to burn books. Books have gone bad. I’ll get the lighter fluid.

Farrah Abraham ‘In The Making’ Table of Contents After The Jump

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 4.11

March 29th, 2014 // 41 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which has everything from blasphemous drug humor, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (Why can’t I quit you?) and a two-part history of the butt. Oh, and a “Dis how chicken look” joke because I am simple man of simple pleasures. *sips Peruvian coffee out of Faberge egg coffee mug* Mmm, they didn’t skimp on the orphan tears. Enjoy.

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 4.10

March 22nd, 2014 // 37 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which has to be, by far, the most randomly clever group of comments because, holy shit, are a bunch of these brilliant, but holy shit, will a bunch of you probably not get them. One even involves a calculator. The important thing is it bookended by January Jones, who is admittedly goddamn hot for an eater of souls. I’m man enough to admit that, and also, highly susceptible to sorcery. (I traded my Elvish cloak for a Batarang.)

- The Superficial

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 4.9

March 15th, 2014 // 56 Comments

Welcome to another Sasquatchular installment of The Most Important People on The Internet our grab bag of commentical wonder from throughout the week. And just like last Saturday’s, we’ve got another awesome long-form that deserves better treatment than our gallery offers – And apologies to Gilberator for not thinking of this when he was churning these out. – so you’ll find another one of those below. Will I keep doing this every week? Who knows? It’s a mystery. Much like what I do at night when the lights go down, and the city becomes a cesspool of crime. Perhaps you noticed the masked man who suddenly appeared on the rooftops only to immediately after he hit his ankle on a drain pipe, his cries of “Ow my leggy!” and “Fuck this!” echoing for all to hear. Because that definitely wasn’t me. I was home, uh, masturbating. That’s it. Master catering… More »

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 4.8

March 8th, 2014 // 27 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which for those of you joining us for the first time after Googling “Jennette McCurdy Nude” (Congratulations, you’ve been disappointed and put in a federal database.), this is where I highlight the comments that somehow managed to make me, a joyless, dead-inside publisher of celebrity tits chuckle. On that note, we have a strong showing this week including The Pope‘s comment below which would get mangled in our gallery setup but demands to be seen. Mostly because it’s blasphemous as shit, but there’s also a butt, so it hits all four quadrants. Enjoy: More »

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 4.7

March 1st, 2014 // 25 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which miraculously happened despite the lack of a proper The Crap We Missed yesterday (Handsome bloggers have birthdays, too.), so huge thanks to you guys on that front. That said, even while I’m typing this I’m still torn at who deserved the coveted final slot which went back and forth between what’s there now and the comment before it. I’d probably have an easier time naming a child because I’m already set on Gustaf Rust Cohle Jesus Face Puncher. Now who wants to get pregnant?

- The Superficial

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Photo: Getty

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