Archive for the ‘Hot Bodies’ Category

Good Morning, Chelsea Heath, And Other News

September 19th, 2014 // 6 Comments

- Chris Martin‘s singing for Jennifer Lawrence at his concerts now. [Lainey Gossip]

- Matthew McConaughey is officially not in Magic Mike XXL. THIS WORLD MUST BURN. [Dlisted]

- Bouncing Breast GIFs. Don’t resist them. [theCHIVE]

- Lindsay Lohan looks.. healthy? No, that can’t be right. [Fishwrapper]

- GWAR has a new lead singer named Vulvatron. We live in a bold new age. [The Frisky]

- Cameron Diaz poses in her underwear for GQ Germany. [WWTDD]

- Anne Hathaway knows Tai Chi. [Popoholic]

- Gwen Stefani is straight up calling Adam Levine offensive in interviews. [tooFab]

- Anastasia Ashley‘s ass made a video. [IDLYITW]

- What’s up, Maryna Linchuk? [Hollywood Tuna]

- Bruce Jenner has to be trolling us. [Celebslam]

- Jesus Christ, Caitlin Stasey… [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Fame/Flynet

The Other Models Are Mean To Kendall™, You Guys

September 18th, 2014 // 59 Comments

Kendall Jenner genuinely believes her modeling career is solely the result of “hard work,” and being like super pretty, but even models whose diets consist of a sprig of kale and heroin know it’s because someone who fell out of the same vagina as her got peed on in a sex tape. In Touch Weekly reports:

“The other models worked so hard to get a spot on the runway and didn’t think it was fair that she was there,” a source tells the new issue of In Touch, revealing that as revenge they decided to mess with her.
“Some [of the models] put out their cigarettes in Kendall’s drink!” the source explains. “They thought she was getting special treatment and just weren’t OK with it.”

“NO, NOT CIGARETTES IN HER DRINK! Is she alright? We should probably call the police. — Or In Touch. They would probably buy this. Tell her, um, tell her mommy’s handling this, and she did the right thing by talking to somebody, and of course we won’t tell anyone about it because then the other girls will know she snitched. I know have their number somewhere…”

Photos: Getty

A Lady Gaga Post? Okay, Why Not?

September 18th, 2014 // 25 Comments

So remember Lady Gaga? Weird nose, kind of a Madonna thing going on? It’s not important. Anyway, here she is in Athens yesterday where she did a bunch of stuff with her tits and ass which I’m now posting on the Internet for people to get boners from because journalism isn’t always NFL players beating women and children with abandon. It’s sometimes butts.

Photos: INFphoto, Splash News

Mexico Wants To Kill Miley Cyrus Now

September 18th, 2014 // 19 Comments
Never Go Full James Franco
Miley Cyrus Dirty Hippie
Wait, Did She Say Pineapple Jizz? Read More »

If Breaking Bad taught me any lessons in life, it’s that a man shouldn’t have to ask for some goddamn pancakes, and that Mexico will cut your head off and stick it onto an exploding turtle. Which is why I couldn’t be more excited to tell you that it hates Miley Cyrus now. TMZ reports:

Miley was performing Tuesday night — on Mexican Independence Day, mind you — in Monterrey, Mexico when one of her dancers slapped her prosthetic butt with a Mexican flag.
Apparently Mexican officials are super sensitive about disrespecting national symbols so the congress of the state of Nuevo Leon wants her prosecuted. The crime of desecration carries a $1,200 fine and a 36 hour jail sentence.

If any of mi hermanos are reading this south of the border, you should probably know that Vagina Wedgero often disguises herself as a woman named “Justin Bieber” before violating an innocent, young Latina girl. Your vengeance must be strong!

Miley Cyrus Ass Spanked With The Mexican Flag After The Jump

Jenny McCarthy Lost Her Wedding Ring Already

September 18th, 2014 // 21 Comments
Wait, Where's Mahky?
Jenny McCarthy Cleavage Donnie Wahlberg Wedding
He Sent You An Instahgram, Ya Wickid Bastahd Read More »

Because Jenny McCarthy is like super hilariously dumb, you guys – haha, *snort* – she already totally lost her wedding ring, and she hasn’t even been married a whole month! *farrrt* But definitely listen to her for medical advice though. Us Weekly reports, and brace yourself to not reads the words, “I thought it was candy!” I’m as shocked as you are:

I’ve already lost the ring,” McCarthy, 41, said on the local Fox program. “We were staying in a hotel and you can’t have a wedding ring on… it’s a little hard to get romantic with diamonds on your hand. I removed it and put it on the room service table and they came and turned down the room and the ring was gone… But you know what though? If you’re gonna lose your wedding ring, you should lose it that way.”

Asked for how he felt about his wife losing a ring that probably cost him tens of thousands of dollars, Donnie Wahlberg responded, “I had sex with a pair of giant tits. It served its purpose.”

Photo: AKM-GSI, INFphoto, Splash News

Good Morning, Nikki Lund, And Other News

September 18th, 2014 // 8 Comments

- George Clooney only has nine days left to say “Psyche!” [Lainey Gossip]

- Beyonce will Photoshop the lip syncing in later. [Dlisted]

- It’s Yoga Pants Season [theCHIVE]

- Alanis Morisette is blonde now. [Fishwrapper]

- Having trouble going into labor? Batman a purse snatcher. [The Frisky]

- CBS pulled “Run This Town” because they never had the rights to it in the first place. [WWTDD]

- What’s up, Samantha Basalari? [Popoholic]

- Kim Zolciak wants you to see her new plastic surgery. [tooFab]

- Kanye has his wife doing PR for him now. [IDLYITW]

- Goddamn, Alyssa Barbara. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Kerry Washington looks thrilled to stop domestic violence. [Celebslam]

- Sara Malakul still has awesome big breasts. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet

A Moment For Candice Swanepoel’s Butt

September 17th, 2014 // 11 Comments

I’ve got another post coming up where some asshole not only defends Adrian Peterson, but openly considers using a switch on his child. So before we all feel really dark inside from churning up repressed childhood memories, here’s Candice Swanepoel’s butt whose dimples have never beaten a child. Trust me, I have cameras everywhere. I mean… yeah, that came out like it sounds.

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Photos: INFphoto

Beyonce Has The Photoshop

September 17th, 2014 // 17 Comments
Didn't We Just Do This?
Beyonce Butt Jay Z On The Run Tour Opening Night
Now They're Faking A Pregnancy Read More »

Joan Rivers‘s death might have exposed the fatal danger of selfies in the medical field, and large swaths of America still thinks it’s acceptable to beat children with wooden objects, but let’s take a moment for the very serious issue of whether or not Beyonce is Photoshopping herself again. After posting a new bikini picture to her website, her fans couldn’t help but notice the unusual shape of her thigh gap (look at the stairs) and proceeded to lose their shit because Beyonce is a pillar of truth and honesty who’s never tried to hide how she really looks before. How could she do this to them? Is it because of the Illuminati? Tell them it’s because of the Illuminati, and they’ll stop thinking about the whole thing. And if you can’t say it out loud, fake a divorce if it’s yes. A pregnancy if it’s no. Bey-hive, set your decoder rings!

Photo: Beyonce