Archive for the ‘Hot Bodies’ Category

Bertney And The No Good, Gosh Darn Secret That Wouldn’t Stay Secret

September 10th, 2014 // 23 Comments

Bertney And The No Good, Gosh Darn Secret That Wouldn’t Stay A Secret
A Learning Story For Junior Secret Keepers

A long time ago Bertney got to be in a real, live movie. She doesn’t remember much about it, and has never seen it on account of it not being cartoons, but she does remember a table full of lots and lots of goodies that Papa let her eat if she said her lines right. It was like being in a play everyday!
And, so, while Papa reminded Bertney about her movie, he told her some very exciting news: One of her co-stars was coming to visit!
“A co-star?” Bertney asked Papa, “Like them things you put drinks on that I always think are cookies?”
“Haha, no,” Papa said. “A co-star is like a friend who helps you make a movie.”
“A friend!” Bertney squealed. “Oh boy!” Now she was really excited. Maybe they’d play Barbie dolls together or eat great big bowls of ice creams until their bellies hurt. Bertney loved ice cream. More »

Good God, Raquel Rischard, And Other News

September 10th, 2014 // 9 Comments

Posted By Photo Boy

- Reese Witherspoon is a heroin-addict hiker in Wild. But what about the baby?! [Lainey Gossip]

- Hey, remember Jared Leto‘s gladiator helmet dick? That was only the beginning. [Dlisted]

- Cameras Are A Girl’s (Boobs’) Best Friend [theCHIVE]

- Kris Jenner in a bikini, because Satan needs your eyes for some reason. [Fishwrapper]

- Ranking Jax Teller’s Hair’s Fuckability [The Frisky]

- Rick Santorum wants to ban secularism from schools now. [Death and Taxes]

- Is Paris Jackson pregnant or just 16 years old and shirtless? Discuss. [WWTDD]

- Jesus Christ, Nina Agdal lingerie photos. [Popoholic]

- The thought of pulling your mom’s pubes gave Charlie Hunnam a nervous breakdown. [Starpulse]

- Channing Tatum is terrified of porcelain dolls. [tooFab]

- Here’s a picture moment for Christine. Her boobs deserve it. [Hollywood Tuna]

- And here’s Charlotte Carey naked for something. It doesn’t matter. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Fame/Flynet

Ray Rice Is In ‘Good Spirits,’ Everybody

September 9th, 2014 // 26 Comments

Lost in the media’s zeal to destroy Janay Rice‘s life (Alright, who told her?) by holding the NFL accountable for treating domestic violence with a brief “time out,” are the feelings of Ray Rice. Has anyone stopped to ask how he’s doing after getting cut from the Ravens because everyone found out how hard he knocked his wife out in an elevator? He’s a human being, too, goddammit. Mediaite reports:

“I have to be strong with my wife. She is so strong. We are in good spirits. We have a lot of people praying for us and we’ll continue to support each other. I have to be there for (Janay) and my family right now and work through this.”

So did anyone else read, “I have to be strong with my wife,” and immediately go, “Oh, shit, not again!” or was it just me? The important thing is instead of getting all depressed over our culture that places entertainment above social responsibility, I decided to end one of those posts on a happy note by adding Kelly Brooks’ tits to it. No foolin’. If you click on Ray Rice’s face, it takes you right to them. ESPN should be probably be taking notes while I rock back forth in the corner and think about what I’ve done. Money, Fish, you need the money. Money makes everything better. Money is Jesus. You’re okay. You’re cool. This is cool. No one’s crying. You’re not crying. Those are not your tears. It’s probably just rain in your basement, or something. You’re tough. You’re swoll.

Photos: Getty / Fame/Flynet, Splash News, Vantagenews/AKM-GSI

Ariana Grande Has Demands

September 9th, 2014 // 58 Comments
Rocket Titties?
Ariana Grande Rocket Titties Break Free Video Screencaps
How Long Has She Had Those? Read More »

Ariana Grande looks like a 12-year-old Jennifer Lopez which is probably why she’s so huge on the Internet right now, but enough about the thoughts that keep me awake at night. Anyway, also like JLo, she now travels with a list of demands that has horribly been leaked because, again, how old is this kid? 13? I’ll not ask about Mariah Carey you! Via News Australia:

All media who were granted an audience with the 21-year-old singer were instructed to steer clear of delicate topics during her promotional visit this week.
DON’T ask questions about:
(1) Relationships/Dating/Ex-boyfriends
(2) Mariah Carey
(3) Sam & Cat/Jennette McCurdy
(4) Working/collaborating with Justin Bieber
(5) Her grandfather passing away
Photographers were also given last-minute instructions from the Problem star’s minders.
*DON’T use natural light.
*DO shoot only from the left side of her face.

And here’s all of that worked out: More »

Ashlee Simpson’s Sideboob In A Swimsuit, Anyone?

September 9th, 2014 // 15 Comments

Normally, I start each morning with bikini photos, but today I decided to go with Shia LaBeouf’s dick because sometimes I just want to watch the world burn. Anyway, to make up for that here’s Ashlee Simpson sunbathing on her honeymoon which were basically free because Jessica Simpson‘s not in them. There was a time when Joe Simpson might’ve paid money for them, but he’s done pretending to be straight which he apparently equated with wanting to fuck your daughters. Is that what gays think of us? Because we’re not all Billy Ray Cyrus. This Peeping Tom guy, but not Billy Ray Cyrus. No one likes a stereotype.

Photos: AKM-GSI

Taylor Swift Is Writing Songs About Katy Perry Now

September 9th, 2014 // 29 Comments
Is Taylor Swift A Lesbian?
Taylor Swift Karlie Kloss Lesbians
A Sloppy Internet Report Read More »

Taylor Swift‘s schtick used to be writing songs about jerk boys who didn’t make every single date like The Notebook. But she’s evolved as an artist (and a woman… nope, that wasn’t creepy) and has moved on to writing songs about other pop stars who steal her roadies or some stupid bullshit. I honestly don’t know because she’s literally all wet in the pictures. Where am I? What’s happening? Focus, FOCUS. Via Rolling Stone:

Swift’s focus on sisterhood cuts both ways, because when another woman crosses her, she’s equally fierce about hitting back. The angriest song on 1989 is called “Bad Blood,” and it’s about another female artist Swift declines to name. “For years, I was never sure if we were friends or not,” she says. “She would come up to me at awards shows and say something and walk away, and I would think, ‘Are we friends, or did she just give me the harshest insult of my life?’” Then last year, the other star crossed a line. “She did something so horrible,” Swift says. “I was like, ‘Oh, we’re just straight-up enemies.’ And it wasn’t even about a guy! It had to do with business. She basically tried to sabotage an entire arena tour. She tried to hire a bunch of people out from under me. And I’m surprisingly non-confrontational – you would not believe how much I hate conflict. So now I have to avoid her. It’s awkward, and I don’t like it.”

And just so everyone’s absolutely clear she’s definitely talking about Katy Perry who dated John Mayer right after he dumped Taylor, here’s the very next sentence: More »

Beyonce Crashed A Wedding In A Bikini

September 8th, 2014 // 14 Comments

While Gwyneth Paltrow wouldn’t give a commoner’s wedding the time of day let alone her royal Jewish presence and all the gifts that would bestow, Beyonce at least has the decency to pose with a bride even while acting unnecessarily terrified of her face. The poor girl’s just excited to be married and not yet riddled with the guilt of faking a divorce to boost ticket sales. Surely, you remember what that was like that one time.

Photos: CIAO / Xposure / AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Splash News

Lindsay Lohan’s Stealing Apps Now

September 8th, 2014 // 14 Comments
No, Not Meryl!
Lindsay Lohan Meryl Streep
Her Story Wasn't Done Yet Read More »

Lindsay Lohan will steal anything that isn’t nailed down, and even then, there’s still a 50/50 chance she’ll melt through the nail with her freckle acid. But I’m not here to talk science, I’m here to talk about Lindsay stealing some dude’s idea for an app and getting sued into next week for it. Page Six reports:

After completing 90 days in rehab last year, Lohan and Michael Jr. are said to have struck a deal with tech entrepreneur Fima Potik to collaborate on his startup, Spotted Friend [Ed. Note: AHAHAHAHA! - SW], a mobile application that allows users to access celebrities’ and friends’ “virtual closets” to identify the designers and buy items from them.
Lindsay tweeted about Spotted Friend in July 2013, and at the time its Web site said, “A Fima Potik & Lindsay Lohan Production.”

And here’s where shit went classic Lindsay:

Last month, Page Six reported that LiLo’s little brother was raising money for Vigme, a “social shopping community.” He said, “If Lindsay buys something, it goes into her [virtual] closet. People see what’s in her closet. If someone else buys [the same item], it puts money into Lindsay’s pocket.”

Which is great because for once Lindsay isn’t at the mercy of the celebrity justice system, and instead the target of a Silicon Valley techie with startup cash pouring out his anus. Then again, this is also a guy who not only thought Lindsay Lohan would make a great business partner, but also lacked the foresight to realize you could jizz all over any closet anywhere and everyone would believe it’s hers. For example, I could go upstairs right now and 30 seconds later people will wonder why Lindsay Lohan owns nothing but superhero T-shirts and two pairs of jeans. The opportunities are limitless.

Photos: FameFlynet, Xposure/AKM-GSI