Archive for the ‘Hot Bodies’ Category

Jenny McCarthy & Donnie Wahlberg Got Engaged

April 16th, 2014 // 32 Comments
I'm Sorry, Come Again?
Jenny McCarthy
Jenny McCarthy Says She's Not Anti-Vaccines Read More »

Jenny McCarthy is a reckless fartbag of dumb who’s at least partially responsible for the death of thousands of children, but she has big tits and a working vagina, so that’s good enough for me, says four out of five penises including Donnie Wahlberg‘s who just proposed to her. People reports:

Jenny McCarthy announced on The View Wednesday that Donnie Wahlberg popped the big question (and presented her with a big rock) and she happily said yes.
“I just got engaged!” the star said on the show as she unveiled her hidden hand from behind the desk and then proceeded to jump around the set. “It’s a yellow sapphire,” she explained about the rock.
Crying as she told about the proposal, McCarthy said her son Evan helped with the surprise last weekend, and how Wahlberg – who ended up coming onto the TV set Wednesday and kissing McCarthy – had gotten down on one knee.

What makes a relationship like theirs truly special is the time Jenny McCarthy thought Donnie Wahlberg was gay because he didn’t try to fuck her the second after she gave him her number. Who doesn’t love a mate that consistently jumps to the wrong, extreme conclusions at the drop of a hat? It keeps life interesting. More »

Miley Cyrus Is In The Hospital

April 16th, 2014 // 15 Comments
This Seems Redundant
Miley Cyrus Porn Parody Miley May
Miley Cyrus: The Porn Parody Read More »

Yup, that’s her.

Miley Cyrus was reportedly hospitalized last night and forced to cancel her Kansas City concert after suffering an allergic reaction to antibiotics, according to TMZ, or a case of the sads because her dog died, according to Hollywood Life. As for which one’s the truth, I couldn’t possibly give a shit because did you see Heidi Klum‘s boobs? They’re naked. Completely naked. Think of them as my Malaysia Flight 370 except I actually found them and reunited them with their family, so Wolf Blitzer can suck it in the beard-dick.

Photos: Twitter / MPNC/AKM-GSI

That’s Heidi Klum Completely Topless

April 16th, 2014 // 46 Comments

So remember yesterday when I helped promote an inspirational site then people got butthurt about Creationist Cosmos? Well, now back to NAKED TITTIES. Whoo! Aw yeah! No thinking here! SCORE.

Relevant GIFs After The Jump

Lindsay Lohan Drunk At Coachella? Impossible

April 15th, 2014 // 19 Comments

There’s been a depressing amount of headlines about Lindsay Lohan getting drunk at Coachella even though this should surprise absolutely no one for three very simple reasons: 1. It’s Lindsay Lohan. 2. She said she wasn’t going to drink. And 3. The first rule of hooking is never hook sober. Or is it don’t let a beeje become a bang unless the money’s in your purse? It’s one of those.

Photos: Getty, Pacific Coast News

Jessica Simpson Looks F*cking Fantastic

April 15th, 2014 // 27 Comments

So remember the other day when I geeked out over Jessica Simpson‘s legs? That wasn’t me. That was somebody else. I don’t even know what a blog is. What I do know is how to order Chili’s take-out and might even have some right here. Just right here sitting on my desk with all the sauces you like if you wanted to maybe stop over and eat a few Southwest egg rolls. But just a few! You’ve been so good with your diet, but sometimes it’s okay to cheat. Cheating’s fun. (Is she in the door yet? Pull the stick. PULL THE STICK.)

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Lady Gaga’s ‘G.U.Y.’ Video Wasted 365,000 Gallons of Water In The Middle Of A Drought

April 15th, 2014 // 30 Comments
Born This Way
Lady Gaga Photoshopped Paparazzi
But Some Photoshop Couldn't Hurt Read More »

California is in the middle of an historic drought, so it only makes sense that Lady Gaga blew through 365,000 gallons of water so there wouldn’t be an empty pool in the background while shooting her “G.U.Y.” video at the Hearst Castle. Did the water table write ARTPOP? Then it can go fuck itself. Radar reports:

The pool had to be drained before the shoot because it was leaking 5000 gallons of water each day.
However, once Gaga had finished filming, the water — earmarked to be re-used for on-site irrigation at the state park — was discovered to be unusable, a source who works at the Castle told Radar.
“The water had to be chlorinated because Gaga got into the pool with synchronized swimmers,” the insider, who asked not to be identified, said.
“Since the water was chlorinated, it couldn’t be used for any of the irrigation or landscaping at the Castle. The water was simply drained and disposed of.
“It was a huge waste of water which is such a precious resource in California at the moment because of the draught.”

For those of you living in California, I embedded Lady Gaga’s “G.U.Y.” video below so when the vaqueros begin The Great Water War, you’ll always remember how weird her butt looked as you watch your children die of thirst in a lawless wasteland of dust and hopelessness. Not to mention the Real Housewives are in it, so I don’t see how anyone can act surprised that it foretold the apocalypse. They practically spell it right out.

Lady Gaga ‘G.U.Y.’ Video After The Jump

Kate Upton Hates Everything That Is Awesome And Good About Her

April 15th, 2014 // 31 Comments
A History of Dumb
Kate Upton Nipples Bikini Outtakes Terry Richardson Shoot
Kate Upton Is Religious Read More »

This news was too important to get lost in the onslaught of Coachella and MTV Movie Awards pics, so here’s Kate Upton saying she wishes she had smaller breasts while recognizing she’d be goddamn nobody without them. NOBODY. Via HuffPost:

That’s right, the 23-year-old admitted to The Sun that she would actually prefer a smaller chest, and thinks Cameron Diaz, someone with a much smaller chest than Upton, has the “perfect figure.” She also has some ideas on how smaller boobs would make her life a little less difficult:
“Oh, man, it would be so much easier,’ especially if people didn’t constantly bring them up… If I could just take them off like they were clip-ons.”

For someone who claims to be a Christian – Although, by definition, that would also make her retarded. – Kate Upton seems pretty hell-bent on throwing away the greatest gift God could’ve possibly given her. He puts those things there for a reason, and that reason is people getting boners while looking at my Internet site for His ways are not ours to understand. Case in point: saving this woman from a bear apparently ranks higher than not giving little kids cancer. He’s mysterious.

Photos: Terry Richardson