Archive for the ‘Hot Bodies’ Category

Bertney & The Amazing Computer Magicked Bikini

December 17th, 2014 // 22 Comments

Bertney And The Amazing Computer Magicked Berkini Belly
A Positive Reinforcement Reader

It was a very special day for Bertney. She was at the courthouse seeing the nice old judge who always had the best news to tell Papa.
“Well, Mr. Spears,” the judge said from his very tall wooden seat. “After watching the surveillance footage you so generously provided, I shudder to think what would happen if Ms. Spears were permitted to make decisions for herself. She’s yours for another year!” And with that he banged his tiny little hammer, and Bertney clapped and giggled. It was her favorite part.
“Does that mean we get to live together forever?” Bertney asked Papa excitedly.
“Yes, it does,” Papa said with a very tired smile. Bertney wondered if he was getting enough sleep. “Now, let’s get you ready for your swimsuit pictures. We’re already running behind.” More »

A Paris Hilton Panty Flash Post? Why Not?

December 17th, 2014 // 27 Comments

In case you can’t tell we’re circling the holiday toilet for news, I already wrote about Lindsay Lohan today, and now here’s Paris Hilton flashing her panties because it’s 2006 again. (To top it off, this is me punting my way to a Bertney post to complete the trifecta.) You’ll also notice Paris has a wet spot on her ass, but before someone suggests it’s some sort of sexual discharge, the fabric is still intact, so take your sloppy science to Natural News. You don’t bring that shit in my house.

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Photos: Xposure/Vantagenews/AKM-GSI

Emily Ratajkowski Made One of Those Sexy Dancing Videos, Too

December 17th, 2014 // 17 Comments

Here’s Emily Ratajkowski‘s video for LOVE Magazine’s Advent 2014 which involves her dancing braless in a loose tanktop while tugging on her panties, so there’s literally no reason for you to have read any of this. In fact, the only person who should be reading this is an automated alien archivist from the future as it sifts through the remains of our planet, so this next part is especially not for you idiots: I know the location of the Paradox Stone. Reanimate my body and make me your king! *crosses fingers*

Emily Ratajkowski Dancing For LOVE After The Jump

Good Morning, Michelle Lewin, And Other News

December 17th, 2014 // 17 Comments

- Aaron Sorkin should really stop talking. [Lainey Gossip]

- James Franco only wants to fuck Lana Del Rey‘s music. Her vagina bores him. [Fishwrapper]

- Scary Spice‘s husband might be an abusive asshole. [Dlisted]

- Nothing Beats A Woman’s POV [theCHIVE]

- Elisabeth Hasselbeck is still a giant fucking moron. [The Frisky]

- Amy Pascal doesn’t owe Al Sharpton shit. [The Daily Banter]

- Demi Lovato‘s side-boob posed for Allure. [WWTDD]

- Oh, good, another Bush running for president. What could go wrong? [Death and Taxes]

- Daniela Lopez Osorio‘s in a bikini. [Popoholic]

Goddamn, Bridget Malcolm… [Hollywood Tuna]

- That’s Olivia Wilde‘s vagina alright. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Splash News

Jennifer Aniston Doesn’t Get Why Everyone’s Obsessed With Her Body

December 16th, 2014 // 49 Comments
'Friends' Reunion!
Actually, It's Just Rachel And Monica In Bikinis, But We'll Take It. Read More »

Posted by Photo Boy

Fish and I have historically¹ held differing opinions on Jennifer Aniston. I find her attractive, while he prefers the company of his illustrated books and his things. *watches him rearrange figurines on his desk for Tuesday positioning* What we both agree on, however, is that it’s kind of ridiculous to discuss feminism, Hollywood sexism, and body issues in between talking points about beauty products. No, really. Via Allure: More »

The Ass Circle Is Ass Complete, Now Khloe Is The Ass Master

December 16th, 2014 // 14 Comments

With Kim Kardashian relinquishing her ass crown to chase an impossible dream that’s never going to happen even if you dropped her from the Empire State Building, it’s now Khloe‘s turn to bask in the warm ass sunlight. So here she is riding a horse while the space age Rubbermers™ that make up her ass bounce up and down which has naturally captivated the Internet because we’ll literally stare at fucking anything on here. Case in point, there’s a video where an Asian man’s giant erection (just go with it) destroys an entire building after making an abuelita’s giant titties dance. It’s been viewed 151 million times. We’re never going to space again.

Khloe Kardashian’s Bouncing Ass On A Horse After The Jump

What The Hell Is A Charli XCX?

December 16th, 2014 // 45 Comments

I have no idea who or what a Charli XCX is, but everybody apparently lost their shit yesterday over her outfits for the Billboard Women In Music Luncheon and Jingle Ball So here are those for you to potentially misplace your own shit over and then maybe have a little treasure hunt trying to find it because being a grown-up is all about doing the things your mom wouldn’t let you do in the house. Why wouldn’t she let your creativity fly?

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Splash News

Good Morning, Kayla Swift, And Other News

December 16th, 2014 // 16 Comments

- And welcome to the Prince George Christmas photos that just made your girlfriend ovulate. [Lainey Gossip]

- Thor just talked shit on Miley Cyrus. [Fishwrapper]

- Lindsay Lohan says she’ll never move back to LA. The streets are safe again! [Dlisted]

- Girls With Future Lower Back Problems [theCHIVE]

- Channing Tatum writes emails exactly like you expect Channing Tatum to write emails. [The Frisky]

- Bradley Cooper‘s teen girlfriend seems fun. [WWTDD]

- The Darren Wilson grand jury continues to be an epic clusterfuck. [Death and Taxes]

- Alexis Ren‘s in a bikini. [Popoholic]

- Jesus Fucking Christ, Kahili Blundell… [Hollywood Tuna]

- Nicki Minaj‘s ass made a calendar. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet