Archive for the ‘Hot Bodies’ Category

How Is Hayden Panettiere’s Baby Not Kicking Through Her Stomach Already?

June 24th, 2014 // 10 Comments

Because I’m still trying to work myself up to write about Gary Oldman, here’s an increasingly pregnant (IN THE BEWWWBBSS!1) Hayden Panettiere in Italy over the weekend which I was going to post yesterday but got distracted by such pressing topics as who’s grooming Miley Cyrus‘ vagina and Wiener-Tuck: A Rich Man’s Game. So enjoy these, and see if anyone can figure out if Hayden’s actually walking with her own legs or the baby’s. I honestly don’t know how you could tell.


Good Morning, Izabel Goulart, And Other News

June 24th, 2014 // 6 Comments

- Robin Thicke really wants you to think he wants to bang Paula Patton again. [Lainey Gossip]

- Kristen Bell is pregnant again. [Dlisted]

- And speaking of #Pedorazzi, how’s that working out? [WWTDD]

- Discover The Sexy Side of Tapiture [theCHIVE]

- Kate Gosselin thinks you’re as dumb as Kate Gosselin. [Fishwrapper]

- Funny Girl Sex Guide: Blowjob Techniques You (Maybe) Need To Try [The Frisky]

- Again, this will totally make George Clooney jealous. Well played. [Popoholic]

- Okay, so maybe JLo really is banging Maksim Chmerkovskiy. [Starpulse]

- Holy shit, Maria Menounos bikini photos. [tooFab]

- And you, too, Laura Brunskill. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Anna Paquin‘s still getting naked on True Blood. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Splash News

Miley Cyrus: ‘Noah Is My P*ssy Police’

June 23rd, 2014 // 14 Comments
Vagina Melvins or GTFO
Miley Cyrus Bikini Cheyne Thomas Make Out
Miley Cyrus Bikini Photos Read More »

If it seems like Miley Cyrus has been spending an awful lot of time with her 14-year-old sister Noah lately, it’s because she’s in charge of making sure Miley’s vagina is ready to be shown to as many as possible with a leotard violently wedged up in it. Haha! And you worked at Dairy Queen like a loser. Via Gossip Cop:

[Sophie] Monk was curious about whether Cyrus waxes or shaves, given how the singer’s stage show includes lots of dancing in a unitard that barely covers her pelvic region.
Cyrus explained that Noah serves as her “pussy police” to make sure “everything is staying in tact.”

Somewhere, Billy Ray Cyrus stares into an empty box of Corn Pops. “I never get the fun job,” he sulks.
“Shh, there, there,” says Fred Durst. “You got me.”
“‘Back in the basement, boy!” Billy yells, but the gimp is right. He does got something to live for. Something no vadgity beaver can ever take from him unless Fred’s family comes lookin’ for him which makes Billy laughs just thinkin’ about it. Why’d they ever go and do a thing like that?

The End.

Photos: Terry’s Diary

Hank Baskett Allegedly Cheated On Kendra Wilkinson With A Tranny

June 23rd, 2014 // 24 Comments
It's All The Rage
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Trigger Warning: Penis into vagina that used to be a penis talk.

According to Radar, Hank Baskett allegedly cheated on Kendra Wilkinson – while she was eight months pregnant, by the way – with transsexual model Ava Sabrina London and checked into a hotel on Friday presumably because Kendra found out. Which makes no goddamn sense sense to me because I can barely have sex with a singular vagina, yet these guys are running around looking for ones that could turn into a boner at any second. It’s gotta be like having sex with a Jack In The Box. And before the PC Police arrive, they actually prefer that terminology, you were just too cisgender to ask. Check your privilege.

Photos: Facebook

Kate Hudson Makes Matt Bellamy Kiss Her Ass. Literally.

June 23rd, 2014 // 14 Comments

When we last saw Kate Hudson‘s butt in a bikini it was eh. Fortunately, here it is over the weekend where it looked so awesome Matt Bellamy had to kiss it in front of their kids. Which makes him a better father than I’ll ever be because no one’s exchanging money afterward or asking why mommy only ever stays for an hour. Or at least they’ll try to ask before she makes with the cigarette burns. Which is why I’ll love her the most.

Photos: FameFlynet

That’s Kelly Osbourne’s Butt? Shut Up

June 23rd, 2014 // 25 Comments

So remember all those times Kelly Osbourne made fun of Christina Aguilera‘s fat ass? Turns out she was entirely justified in doing that because Kelly Osbourne’s butt looks absolutely nothing like you’d expect Kelly Osbourne’s butt to look. I’m don’t see a single bat flapping out of a beanbag chair. There’s no way this is right.

Photos: Instagram / MPNC/AKM-GSI

Good Morning, Jessica Simpson, And Other News

June 23rd, 2014 // 8 Comments

- Jennifer Lopez admits she used to pick out Ben Affleck‘s outfits. [Lainey Gossip]

- One of the Duggar kids got married, so congratulations, America. Our population just doubled. [Dlisted]

- A Woman’s Back Is A Beautiful Thing [theCHIVE]

- Whoever’s doing this shit to Chrissy Teigen should be lynched. [Starpulse]

- Lady Gaga thinks she’s on the same level as Van Gogh. No, really. [Fishwrapper]

- James Madison University to 100% guilty rapists: “Okay, you’re expelled, but after we give you your degrees.” [The Frisky]

- Nicola Peltz Is Your New Transformers Babe [Popoholic]

- Christina Aguilera‘s prego-boobs, anyone? [tooFab]

- A moment for Kimberley Garner‘s “booty profile.” [Hollywood Tuna]

- Heather Graham‘s in a bikini. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Instagram / BONI/AKM-GSI

Here’s Michelle Lewin’s Crazy Butt While I Talk About Moon Knight

June 20th, 2014 // 11 Comments
Previously In Nerd Shit
Justice League New 52
Kevin Smith Says Nikki Finke's List Is Legit Read More »

If I’m going to burn another post talking about nerd shit, the least I can do is give you a butt to look at, so enjoy Michelle Lewin‘s while my eyes turn black like a shark’s from dork-blood in the Internet-water.

According to some heavy speculation on Cinema Blend‘s part, there’s a chance Moon Knight might be popping up in Ant-Man and could be part of the reason why Edgar Wright quit. Which makes sense considering Marvel wants every film to be a springboard for future films and Edgar Wright’s more of a standalone filmmaker who’s very protective of his creative vision. It also sounds more realistic (except not at all because everything’s coming out of everyone’s butts) than “Stupid fucking Disney made him put stupid fucking ads in it,” considering Edgar Wright’s next project is giving Disney a new Johnny Depp movie. That’s like three blowjobs and a rosebud to them. They’re practically married. Anyway, where was I? Oh, right, MOON KNIGHT. More »