Archive for the ‘Hot Bodies’ Category

Good Morning, Colleen Shannon, And Other News

October 21st, 2014 // 6 Comments

- I have yet to hear one bad thing about Birdman. [Lainey Gossip]

- Bethenny Frankel‘s mom seems nice. [Dlisted]

- Jenna Handed To You On A Silver Platter [theCHIVE]

- Sean Hannity invited Russell Brand onto his show, then had security kick him out. [Fishwrapper]

- This is a link to penises wearing heels in the most literal way possible. [The Frisky]

- Wait, Nina Dobrev wears bikinis on The Vampire Diaries? *sets DVR* [WWTDD]

- Your hypnotic ass GIF of the day. [Girls In Cute Underwear]

- If Christopher Nolan Directed ‘Spaceballs’ [Death and Taxes]

- Alessandra Ambrosio is still incredibly hot. [Popoholic]

- Monica Lewinsky is giving speeches now. [tooFab]

- What’s up, Shanna McLaughlin? [Hollywood Tuna]

- Holy hell, Katee Life… [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Fame/Flynet

And Now Back To Celebrities: What Are They Doing With Their Vaginas?

October 20th, 2014 // 38 Comments

After the depressing one-two punch (poor choice of words) of Stephen Collins getting off (and I did it again) scot-free and Ray Rice being reinstated next month, I thought we could use some lighter fare. So here’s Miley Cyrus doing wacky stuff with her vulva because she’s not Hannah Montana anymore blah blah blah drugs. The important thing is I wrote vulva instead of vagina which is practically a miracle considering I still think these things can read minds like Quato. Or maybe I just date a lot of women with baby arms down there. Baby arms that, now that I think about, look an awful lot like di- sonofabitch.

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Photos: Vantagenews/AKM-GSI

Jennifer Lopez Still Makes Videos With Fat Joe

October 20th, 2014 // 14 Comments
Jennifer Lopez Stressin Fat Joe
WATCH: Fat Joe - 'Stressin ft. Jennifer Lopez'

For the rest of her natural life, Jennifer Lopez will never make a video that’s better than “Booty.” These are facts. However, that still won’t stop me from posting the new video for Fat Joe’s “Stressin” because there’s nothing more with the times than tone-deaf rap videos where rich people brag about how awesome and stress-free their lives are. Also, Jennifer Lopez over-emphasizes “thousand dollar tips” as “thousand dollar teeeyips,” and that shit will get stuck straight in your head. – The Superficial: I’mma Put My Pain In You.

Kim Kardashian’s Endorsement Demands Are As Ridiculous As Her Ass

October 20th, 2014 // 82 Comments
This Poor Fucking Kid
Kim Kardashian Kanye West Dolls North
She Doesn't Stand A Chance Read More »

Most, if not all, of Kim Kardashian‘s services can be purchased through Kris Jenner. And if you think that’s an exaggeration, here’s Kim accepting an Austrian businessman’s money to be his date to the 2014 Opera Ball in Vienna while engaged to Kanye West. In fact, I ran the numbers on how many times Warren Buffet could afford to have sex with her, and I’m pretty sure I just predicted his death. Anyway, Radar Online has apparently obtained a “secret email” between Kim’s rep and an unspecified firm looking to hire her to promote their brand which basically opens with her requiring at least a $750,000 to $1 million fee before she’ll even think about charging them for a whole bunch of other shit:

Wrote the rep, “I think you should definitely come back with the best offer that you can make her from a money standpoint, so that we can save the time going back and forth.”
But the fee is only the half of it.
For travel related to personal appearances for the brand, the Keeping Up with the Kardashians star requires “5 first class tickets, plus 1 coach [Ed. Note: Because 6 first class tickets would just be obscene. - SW], first class hotel accommodations (1 suite for talent and standard rooms for others in party), portal to portal first class exclusive ground transportation, airport greeter service, security, glam fee (day rate for her hair and makeup squad), and a per diem.”
Her rep also noted, “We would need approval over photographer, all photos used in print materials, glam squad (hair, makeup, stylist, manicurist), hotel/airline/car service and PR usage.”

And while all of that sounds like you’re typical con game, here’s the best part that perfectly sums up this entirely family:

But if Kardashian’s diva demands put her out of the company’s price range, the rep was willing to offer second best: Kendall Jenner would shill the line for $500,000 to $1 million, the rep said.

Do I even need to write a joke here? Kris Jenner’s children are cattle. They’re literally cattle. This just validated every single “Moo” in the comments. And the ones I know you people are saying out loud. Don’t deny it.

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, RAAK/AKM-GSI

Good Morning, Vivica Mitra, And Other News

October 20th, 2014 // 9 Comments

- Chris Martin apparently gets the Beckhams in the divorce. [Lainey Gossip]

- Pregnant Blake Lively is craving the most Blake Lively foods. [Dlisted]

- Mariah Carey is going to put us at war with China. [Fishwrapper]

- She’s Got Legs For Days [theCHIVE]

- This Is Why You’re Afraid of Ebola (Despite The Fact That You’re Not Going To Get Infected) [The Frisky]

- If I don’t post anything today, it’s because I’m still hypnotized by this. [Girls in Cute Underwear]

- Obama‘s credit card was declined in New York, so there’s Fox News’ entire week. [Death and Taxes]

- Goddamn, Nathasha Barnard in lingerie. [Popoholic]

- Never put recent photos of Kirsten Dunst next to old ones. [tooFab]

- Dutch bikers drove into Northern Iraq and just start shooting at ISIS for shits and giggles. [WWTDD]

- Kelly Brook‘s cleavage show. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Miss Ukraine Universe topless in Russia GQ. Apparently that’s allowed. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Fame/Flynet

This Is A Post About Iggy Azalea’s Camel Toe

October 17th, 2014 // 48 Comments

My last post dealt with such topics as the Antebellum South and rampant plagiarism in Internet journalism, so here’s Iggy Azaela wearing tight booty shorts that show the outline of her vagina which involves none of that stuff unless her vagina somehow owned slaves. Which for the record, I would be open to. It can even call me “Mammy.” Suppa’s ready, Ms. ‘Gina! (This is why I’m alone. All of this right here. Plus comic books.)

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News

Blake Lively’s Website Loves Slaveowners, Plagiarism

October 17th, 2014 // 6 Comments
Martha Stewart Gwyneth Paltrow Conscious Coupling
Martha Stewart BURNED Gwyneth Paltrow Read More »

While Martha Stewart has declared all-out war on Gwyneth Paltrow, pretentious, young upstart Blake Lively is successfully torpedoing herself by publishing articles about the Antebellum South that would give Paula Deen a butter boner and then threatening to sue Gawker for epically calling her on it. Which should’ve stopped there, but Lainey Gossip took notice and discovered that Preserve has a bit of a plagiarism problem which then prompted Jezebel to run the entire site through a plagiarism tracker and shit did not go well. As for why I’m telling you all of this, consider it a lesson on what happens when someone who isn’t me knocks you up. Talking to you, Hilary Duff. I know you see me out here. I mean, raccoon! It’s just a raccoon. (Stay out of the shed.)

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Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto

Charlie Sheen Has Decided Not To Marry A Porn Star

October 17th, 2014 // 20 Comments
Did You Say Dentist?
Charlie Sheen Gross Mouth Lindsay Lohan Refused To Kiss
That Can't
Be Right Read More »

The last time I posted about Charlie Sheen he’d “allegedly” tried to stab a dentist with a knife (and maybe grabbed a hygienist’s breasts), but clearly he’s sobered up since then because he finally realized you’re not supposed to marry porn stars. Pay them for sex essentially making them hookers, but never marry them. E! News reports:

“Scotty and I had a great year together as we traveled the world and crossed a lot of things off our bucket list,” Sheen tells E! News in a statement. “She’s a terrific gal—but we’ve mutually decided to go our separate ways and not spend the rest of our lives together.”
He continues, “I’ve decided that my children deserve my focus more than a relationship does right now. I still have a tremendous fondness for Scotty and I wish her all the best.”

In related news, Charlie Sheen’s children were last seen fleeing to Stephen Collins‘ house where they’ll, quote, “take their fucking chances.” Should that not work out, they’ll stay with a couple of coyotes they saw the other day. The pack leader seemed nice.

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