Archive for the ‘Hot Bodies’ Category

Take Pictures Of My Boy #BBare And You Get Your Shit Crashed Into, Son

September 2nd, 2014 // 16 Comments
Back Up Off Dat Skeeball
Justin Bieber Instagram
Dave & Busters Belongs To #BBare Read More »

Picture dis: You’re riding your ATV across da Canadian sunset wit #YoBestHo behind you, rubbin’ her fake titties all over yo back when outta nowhere, mothafuckin paparazzi show up in a minivan and start takin’ pictures! Now do you: A. Keep ridin’ dat ho in da sunset. 2. Tell them mothafuckas to step off. Or G. Show dem who’s da hardest, blackest dawg dis side of Ontario-town? Run dat fuckin’ mouth, Bitch-Harv:

Justin Bieber got arrested in Canada after crashing his ATV into a minivan driven by paparazzi … TMZ has learned — and he now faces charges of dangerous driving and assault.
Bieber was taken into custody Friday afternoon in Perth County, Ontario. Police say there was a physical altercation between Justin and a paparazzo in the minivan … after they had the collision.

Now it’s a fact, mothafuckas be dyin’ all over the place from ridin’ dem ATVs, but only one gangsta can straight smash dat shit into a MINIVAN and come out swingin’. Which, honestly, yo? Kinda freaks me dafuq out. Dat’s Satanism. I think my boy’s da devil. The other day I heard him talkin’ in this deep voice sayin’ shit like, “SOON, I SHALL REAP THE WRETCHED SOULS OF THIS LAND INTO MY UNHOLY ARMY,” and “NOW IS THE TIME WHERE I HARVEST YOUR PUSSY,” but that last one coulda been Selena Gomez talkin’. Shit was dark, nigga.

Photos: Pacific Coast News

Kanye West Went Off On Jay Pharoah About His VMAs Jokes, Of Course

September 2nd, 2014 // 24 Comments
'Yo, My Dad's A Pap'
Kim Kardashian Breasts Kanye
I'm Sorry, Come Again? Read More »

During the VMAs, comedian Jay Pharoah did an impression of Kanye West, so naturally Kanye got all kinds of fucked off because he’s the most serious subject in the world and his “vision” should never be distracted from or some stupid horseshit. So here he is bitching to the crowd at the Made in America festival in Philly over the weekend. Us Weekly reports:

“They want to make a joke out of how hard we work,” Kim Kardashian’s husband said while on stage at the Jay Z hosted event referring to Pharoah and one of South Park’s recent spoofs. “It’s fine and all funny and everything, but don’t distract from our vision. It’s not a joke what we do up here. This music that we do is not a joke. What we do culturally is not a joke.”

You’ll also be surprised to learn he doesn’t appreciate jokes about his marriage to Kim Kardashian because apparently theirs is the first and most important interracial marriage to ever happen in America and not, oh I dunno, her third:

“For me to be in a very publicized interracial relationship is not a joke,” he told the crowd of his new marriage. “It’s something that should be treated with respect cause we’re all in this together.”

And by respect he means we should all watch the season finale of Keeping Up With The Kardashians where his real, genuine ceremony of love was manufactured and scripted for a reality TV show. And by we’re all in this together, I think he’s trying to say everyone’s married Kim (fair statement), so he shouldn’t be the only one to eventually pay child support. Not so fast, Vision Quest.

Kanye West Rants At Made In America After The Jump

Marky Mark Skipped Donnie Wahlberg & Jenny McCarthy’s Wedding

September 2nd, 2014 // 19 Comments

Probably coz Jenny McCarthy’s gawddamn tits make you wanna mastahbate, and when you mastahabate you ain’t gawt enough strength to stawp 9/11, frickin’ Mahky Mahk didn’t even go to his brotha Donnie’s weddin’ in frickin’ Chicago. But he did send him this wickid pissah video on Instagram which the cheap bastahd prawbly counted as a weddin’ gift. How’s Donnie s’posed to buy a gawddamn cheese slicer at gawddamn Crate and Barrah wit a gawddamn video? It ain’t like frickin’ cash or nahtin’.

Mark Wahlberg’s Wedding Message To Donnie After The Jump

Nicole Scherzinger’s In A Bikini And Other News

September 2nd, 2014 // 11 Comments

- A Message From The Superficial [Facebook]

- Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are banging in Canada. [Lainey Gossip]

- It’s Angelina Jolie‘s wedding dres- HOLY SHIT WHAT’S WRONG WITH HER HANDS? [Dlisted]

- Labor Day Bikinis [theCHIVE]

- No, she’s not right. Fuck you, Demi Lovato! [Fishwrapper]

- Frisky Rant: I Don’t Understand Why You People Smoke Pot [The Frisky]

- A bikini coffee shack full of hookers? Tell me more of this heaven. [WWTDD]

- The Notebook will make you fuck your sister. Burn every copy. Burn them now. [Death and Taxes]

- Alexis Ren in lingerie. [Popoholic]

- Ashlee Simpson apparently got married. Neat? [Starpulse]

- Carrie Underwood is pregnant if anyone gives a shit. [tooFab]

- Miley Cyrus is going to be naked again soon. [IDLYITW]

- Courtney Robertson‘s sexy car wash. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Joe Mangianello is apparently fucking Sofia Vergara right. [Celebslam]

- Paris Hilton DJs in a bikini? I believe that’s called stripping. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: AKM-GSI

Kate Upton Has Leaked Nude Photos, Too

August 31st, 2014 // 70 Comments
Hilary Duff, Too?!
Hilary Duff Legs Butt
Wait A Minute,
Is This A Joke? Read More »

So remember that scene in Ghostbusters when Peck shuts down the containment unit and floods the entire city with ghosts? Well, today’s been like that except with every single celebrity naked instead of the undead. I’m doing my best to stay away from them (WHICH I HAVE ALL DAY YOU CAN’T PROVE ANYTHING) because I’d prefer not to get sued right the fuck off the Internet, but sometimes a man has to stare death in the eyes and show everybody giant breasts. So here’s a link to the alleged Kate Upton nude photos (NSFW) which seem to fly in stark contrast to her Ice Bucket Challenge where she might as well have worn a nun’s habit. And, wow, apparently this post can get more erotic. I didn’t think I had it in me.

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Here’s Coco’s Giant Anus Because F*ck It

August 29th, 2014 // 117 Comments

So it took me at least two hours to get Rihanna up, and I practically forced these Coco bikini pics into the site using a crowbar because apparently our database has “corrupt tables,” and I can’t even tell you who the hell’s bribing them. Couple that with a distinct lack of Photo Boy, and I’m taking a mental health day before I’m outside Hilary Duff‘s house again disguised as a trash can. If she’d just wear this dress I made with my pub- Anyway, a special thanks to the criminally understaffed product team who’s been putting out no less than eight million fires across the company this week. You guys (and gal) somehow keep our sites running and could use some more co-workers instead of Directors of Sticky Widgets or whatever bullshit positions somebody came up with for cachet. Fingers crossed we’ll start heading in that direction. In the meantime, enjoy Coco whose epic struggle to stay on an inflatable raft is the perfect metaphor for me trying to publishing anything today.

See you after the holiday, and follow us on Facebook or Twitter (below) where I’m sure I’ll be bitching about something all weekend. I have no life.

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Photos: Splash News

Rihanna’s In A Bikini And Other News

August 29th, 2014 // 16 Comments

- Jessica Alba‘s organic diaper company is worth a billion dollars. A BILLION. [Lainey Gossip]

- I’m going to assume James Haven‘s response will be “Muuuurrder…” [Dlisted]

- A Bikini A Day Keeps The Doctor Away [theCHIVE]

- Ariana Grande‘s brother is a fucking douchebag. [Fishwrapper]

- I love how the solution here was basically, “Bitch, just clean your damn purse.” [The Frisky]

- Goddamn, Johanna Lundback. [Popoholic]

- Kendall finally realizes her last name is tainted. [WWTDD]

- Joan Rivers is “resting comfortably” and presumably telling Death it has a small dick. [Starpulse]

- The Unauthorized Saved By The Bell Story is stressing people out. AS IT GODDAMN SHOULD. [tooFab]

- Are you black and just waiting to pick your kids up at day care? Suck Taser, thug! [Death and Taxes]

- The NFL will only let you hit a woman once now. And, okay, probably a second time. [IDLYITW]

- Hilary Duff is becoming already the hottest MILF. I fixed it for you. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Celebslam Presents: It’s Cold Outside [Celebslam]

- Jesus Christ, Lizzie Caplan posing for Rolling Stone. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Xposure/AKM-GSI

Beyonce’s Dad: ‘The Divorce Rumors Were A Hoax To Sell Tickets’

August 28th, 2014 // 15 Comments
Beyonce Is Beneath Kim
Beyonce VMAs
You Are No Longer Worthy! Read More »

So one of two things are happening here: 1. Matthew Knowles reads the Internet and saw of all your conspiracy theories about Beyonce and Jay Z‘s divorce. 2. You’re all fucking detectives who probably solve murders in Hawaii without even inviting me. Goddammit. Page Six reports:

Sometimes rumors “ignite” tours, he explained. “The Jedi mind trick fools you a lot of times. So things you see sometimes are [makes poof noise],” he said.
When asked if he thought the now famous elevator fight between Jay Z and Solange was staged, Knowles refused to go into details but said, “Everyone’s talking about it. Ticket sales went up. Solange’s album sales went up 200%.”

Okay, so they made a shitload of money in ticket sales. That’s cool, I guess, but Chris Martin got to bang Jennifer Lawrence, so I’mma let you finish, but Gwyneth Paltrow had the greatest divorce OF ALL TIME. (You know she’s saying that shit into a $48,000 Chakra mirror while conditioning her pubic hair with Allosaurus marrow. Don’t even pretend she’s not.)

Photos: INFphoto