Archive for the ‘Hot Bodies’ Category

Thor Is People’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive’

November 19th, 2014 // 16 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

Thor: The Dark World was a pile of shit, but definitely included a gratuitous shirtless scene of Chris Hemsworth because we really are a race of slightly smarter apes who still kill each other over shiny objects. Which is why every year the magazine who’s very namesake would indicate it represents our most fundamental interests, publishes their signature feature that basically says, “That one! We like that purty one bester!!” So, congratulations Chris’ abs, pecs and butt, you are now officially sanctioned masturbatory fodder as well as the subject of great contention, because it totally should have been Channing Tatum again. (Attention terrorists: Start with the midwest and south, then work your way out. By the time you reach the coasts, the rest of us who’ve been eyeing up Denmark for years will already be gone.)

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Splash News

Good Morning, Kat Torres, And Other News

November 19th, 2014 // 9 Comments

- Gwyneth Paltrow is an Oscar-winning contextual commerce-person. And don’t you forget it! [Lainey Gossip]

- The Duggars are still awful. [Fishwrapper]

- The Parents Television Council just now figured out there’s fucking on Sons of Anarchy? [Dlisted]

- Enjoy The Tan Lines Before They Fade Away [theCHIVE]

- Benedict Cumberbatch apparently has trouble describing the word “booty.” [The Frisky]

- Angelina Jolie‘s breasts were in public again. [WWTDD]

- Anonymous declares war on the KKK. [Death and Taxes]

- Nicole Scherzinger‘s ass is still fantastic. [Popoholic]

- Peyton List is trouble. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Hayden Panettiere is pregnant as shit. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet

Kim Kardashian Was Clenching Her Butt, You Guys, It Wasn’t Photoshop

November 18th, 2014 // 35 Comments
It's Kim's Naked Vagina Now
Kim Kardashian Vagina Topless Naked FUPA
Hot Dog!
(Down A Hallway) Read More »

Kim Kardashian naked ass butt pussy” is still a huge search term right now (Never change, Internet.), so here she is telling an Australian talk show that her nude photo shoot for Paper is not the product of Photoshop, but of muscular clenching which almost always turns butts into smooth, spherical half-globes. Everyone knows that. Via Jezebel:

“My back hurt for about a week after that shoot. I used muscles! [Photographer Jean-Paule Goude] has an art of posing you and it was definitely not comfortable.”
“I was so honored and excited to work with [Goude] because he is a legend, and for me that was something I wanted to do to make myself feel confident. As a role model I’m not saying anyone else should do that, but for me it was an art project and it taught me to do what you want to do.”

If anyone needs me, I’m going to try and clench my penis into the shape of an octagon because apparently that’s possible if I say it’s for art. It’s for art.

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Photos: Getty, MODE/AKM-GSI, Splash News

Someone Invited Jessica Simpson To ‘The Hunger Games’ Premiere

November 18th, 2014 // 14 Comments

The Hunger Games is about a dystopian future where the rich eat all of the food leaving the poor to starve unless they shoot each other in the dicks with bows and arrows. Those words also describe every Tuesday night at the Chili’s near Jessica Simpson‘s house. Are you seeing the irony now?

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, MPNC/AKM-GSI, Splash News

Bella Thorne In A Bikini

November 18th, 2014 // 17 Comments

A while ago, I had to deal with an annoying situation involving Bella Thorne that really should’ve persuaded me from doing things like giving her free publicity by posting paparazzi photos of her on the site. But then she wore a bikini in Miami yesterday, and I don’t need to tell you what happened next because you’re already looking at the pics. Just looking at them right in the butt, so really, this is your fault. You practically held a gun to my head.

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Splash News

Tila Tequila Is A Mother, This Is Our World Now

November 18th, 2014 // 15 Comments
Jews Killed Paul Walker
Tila Tequila Nazi
And Other Crazy Things A Man Had To Ignore To Have Sex With This. Read More »

Posted by Photo Boy

Since we’re now almost exclusively in the business of reporting awful shit happening to children, here’s the announcement that Tila Tequila replicated, which is the only word I’ll used to describe her somehow making another life form. Via Us Weekly:

I just want my baby to be proud of me and to know how much I love him or her. To love someone else unconditionally is one of the best feelings in the entire world, and I hope I will have plenty more pregnancies to come.”

HA! This idiot’s life plan is to just keep shitting out kids? Just so everyone’s clear just how delusional this is, we’re literally talking about a Nazi midget, who believes she has psychic abilities that she somehow can’t use for profit, so she has to repeatedly release sex tapes. It’s almost like she believes that men are so dumb and horny, they’ll ignore all of that to put their penises near her huge fake ti– California, tell your people to stay away. Stay away now, don’t – don’t come in here. Whatever you hear, stay away! TILA TEQUILA HAS THE UPPER HAND!

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Photo: David Nguyen

Good Morning, Alexandra Eriksson, And Other News

November 18th, 2014 // 6 Comments

- There are Benedict Cumberbatch engagement truthers now? Goddammit, Internet… [Lainey Gossip]

- June Shannon is in Dumb and Dumber To. Yup. [Fishwrapper]

- There’s a Christian version of Fifty Shades of Grey. Of course. [Dlisted]

- Girls With Future Lower Back Problems [theCHIVE]

- Victoria’s Silvstedt‘s in a bikini. [WWTDD]

- Charles Manson is getting married. The Charles Manson. [Death and Taxes]

- Where did Megan Fox‘s ass go?! [Popoholic]

- What’s up, Malin Akerman‘s hot sister? [Hollywood Tuna]

- Amber Heard does GQ Russia. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Fame/Flynet

The 2014 GOOP Gift Guide Is Quintessential GOOP

November 17th, 2014 // 35 Comments

We’re beginning our initial descent into the maw of the holiday beast where we’ll be slowly digested over the course of the next six weeks. So to speed up that process, here’s the 2014 GOOP Gift Guide which promises to try and stay under $100, yet immediately starts with a $285 zipper wallet that some asshole’s trying to call a “currency case.” For that kind of money, it should have a tiny panda inside that blows you, and before you say that’s ridiculous, I just told you a zipper wallet costs $285 because some jerk changed the name to “currency case.” You’re missing the trees for the Blowjay Panda.

The 2014 Gift Guide After The Jump