Archive for the ‘Hot Bodies’ Category

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Gone Full Jew

September 5th, 2014 // 25 Comments
Goop Bucket Challenge
Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Ice Challenge
We Get It, You Look Good In A Bikini Read More »

After once referring to herself as a “Jewish princess” due to her family belonging to a Eastern European rabbinical dynasty, Gwyneth Paltrow has apparently stopped dicking around with Kabbalah and fully converted to Judaism. And before someone makes a joke about how she just wants to keep working in Hollywood, I’ll have you know Gwyneth Paltrow launched her career through sheer grit and also being the goddaughter of Steven Spiel- you know what? Let’s just put a pin in this. Page Six reports:

Gwyneth Paltrow is converting to Judaism after her conscious uncoupling with husband Chris Martin, sources tell Page Six.
The actress is quietly converting after years of following Kabbalah, which originated in Judaism, and being friends with Michael Berg, co-director of the Kabbalah Centre.

And while Gwyneth will bring up the rich Jewish ancestry on her father’s side to make it sound like this is her artisanal destiny, her mother’s side is Pennsylvania Dutch which practically makes us relatives and I’m about as Jewish as a pork chop. — Did anyone just hear a scream? Did it sound like bloody murder? Perfect.

Photos: Getty

Jesus Christ, Yasmine Colt, And Other News

September 4th, 2014 // 11 Comments

- Justin Timberlake is probably cheating on Jessica Biel again. [Lainey Gossip]

- Kanye ain’t gonna like this. [Dlisted]

- I have not paid nearly enough attention to Jen Selter‘s ass. [theCHIVE]

- James Franco apparently shaved his head. [Fishwrapper]

- Will Smith dancing on a Segway at Burning Man, anyone? [The Frisky]

- Poop Baby is your new Internet God. [Death and Taxes]

- Anne Hathaway kind of still has her Catwoman butt. [Popoholic]

- Bran‘s storyline won’t be in the next season of Game of Thrones. Thank fucking God. [Starpulse]

- Somebody tell The Joker to stop tweeting bikini pics. Goddammit. [tooFab]

- Jennifer Lawrence released a hot new pic. [IDLYITW]

- Andrea Calle‘s ass is still awesome. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Ryan Seacrest‘s girlfriend doesn’t stand a chance. [Celebslam]

- Good God, Alexa Vega. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photos: FameFlynet

All Things Begin And End With Coco

September 4th, 2014 // 34 Comments

Last Friday when things really started to go pear-shaped, Coco was there to guide us into the darkness. And now that we’re slowly exiting the darkness, it’s only fitting that she’s here to guide us back into the light. Also, Photo Boy cropped these like four days ago, and butts are money. But enough Kierkegaard, we seem to be back in business and Natalie Dormer’s vagina didn’t crash us into next week, so things are looking good. In the meantime, maybe visit our fine quality link partners below who got robbed of a link post today while I continue tidying up the place and prepare for our first full day of business since, holy shit, last Thursday. As for how I’m not homeless right now, The Fappening. The Fappening saved everything. And yet I hear talks of lawsuits and FBI investigations. I thought this was AMERICA.

Lainey Gossip | Dlisted | theCHIVE | Fishwrapper | The Frisky | WWTDD | Popoholic | Starpulse
tooFab | IDLYITW | Hollywood Tuna | Celebslam | DrunkenStepfather

Photos: Splash News

BREAKING: Natalie Dormer Flashed Her Panties. Two Days Ago.

September 4th, 2014 // 13 Comments

Now that I finally have a fully functioning web portal to publish bold, unrelenting journalism in a world that’s afraid to speak truth to power, or at least wave a nipple in its face, I can finally comment on the biggest, most prominent pop culture event of the past 24 hours: Namely Natalie Dormer getting out of a car and you can totally see her underwear. I mean, my God, talk about a story that practically slaps you in the face with its acerbic wit only to die a week later after coming out of a medically induced coma. I don’t why I chose those words. They just come to me.

Natalie Dormer’s ‘Game of Thrones’ Nude Scene After The Jump

Justin Verlander: ‘Yeah Yeah, Kate Upton’s Privacy Was Violated, PENNANT, BABY!’

September 4th, 2014 // 27 Comments
Kate Upton: The Fappening
Kate Upton Cleavage No Premiere New York Film Festival
How Is The Internet Still In One Piece? Read More »

[Ed. Note: So this post would've been up around 3 PM yesterday, but then every single server across the company basically looked at the Ark of Covenant, and here we are over 24 hours later recovering from one hell of a blackout. So long story short, I'm about to hit Publish, and honestly, I'm still not sure snakes won't fly out of the screen and kill me. I love each of you like a son/daughter/hermaphroditic porpoise. - SW]

Apparently Justin Verlander plays for the Detroit Tigers (Why would I need to know that information until I saw his penis go into Kate Upton?) who are in the middle of a pennant race, so the last thing he wants to talk about is, what should to be him, the horribly invasive breach of his girlfriend’s privacy because he’s fucking awesome at baseball and we should be talking about that instead. USA Today reports:

I’m not going to comment on my personal life,” Verlander said in the Tigers’ clubhouse before tonight’s game against the Cleveland Indians. “I never have, and I never plan on it. I keep my personal life personal.
“The focus for me is on the Detroit Tigers. I don’t want to take any focus away from this team and what we’re trying to accomplish. We’re in the middle of a pennant race. We’re trying to win a pennant. And all of my focus currently is on doing whatever I can to help our team win our division.”

Of course, it might’ve been nice of him to defend Kate’s honor by saying something like, “Curse you, villains!” but why even bother? She’s just going to fuck him in front of an iPhone again. He’s practically a god now.

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photo: Getty

Kim Kardashian Posed Naked For British GQ

September 3rd, 2014 // 50 Comments

People often forget that Kim Kardashian is only famous because she’s a porn star, a paid porn star who made a “sex tape” because apparently nobody can watch dongs going in anymore without Orwellian undertones. Anyway, here’s the bride of Kanye posing naked for British GQ which probably would’ve been awesome before the whole Internet saw Kate Upton with jizz on her back. Then again, there’s something to be said about a tastefully photographed ass crack the size of a goddamn canyon. There could’ve been a whole civilization in there. Obviously, it’s dead now, we all saw the video, but still one can’t help but wonder what it was like.

Photos: British GQ

Daisy Lowe Won The GQ Men of The Year Awards

September 3rd, 2014 // 14 Comments

You might hear some talk about some other woman winning at The GQ Men of The Year Awards in London last night, but that information is bullshit because Daisy Lowe‘s breasts destroyed anything and everything in their path. One of them even controls Parliament now. Or will once they’re aware of my Doomsday Device. Photo Boy ready the zeppelin! (Can you tell I’m writing whatever bullshit pops into my head before the servers fart out again? Well, stop, because you should be looking at the boobs. Time is a factor.)

Photos: AKM-GSI, Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Good Morning, Petra Benova, And Other News

September 3rd, 2014 // 7 Comments

- Chris Martin was with Gwyneth Paltrow during The Fappening. Interesting… [Lainey Gossip]

- Chris Brown apparently can admit guilt. [Dlisted]

- Wait. Why are you looking at hair? [theCHIVE]

- And now 17-year-old Katy Perry: Christian music artist. [Fishwrapper]

- ‘Hey! Listen!’ Women Have Been Gaming For Decades [The Frisky]

- Good God, Hannah Ferguson. [Popoholic]

- RIP, Russian Space Sex Geckos. [Death and Taxes]

- Apple says The Fappening isn’t their fault. [Starpulse]

- Adam Levine‘s making music videos with Behati Prinsloo now. [tooFab]

- Kelly Brook’s 2015 Calendar Preview [Hollywood Tuna]

- Kendall Jenner did the Ice Bucket Challenge in a bikini. Of course. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photos: Splash News