Archive for the ‘Hot Bodies’ Category

AMAs: Selena Gomez Didn’t Wear A Bra

November 24th, 2014 // 20 Comments

I wasn’t joking about gunning through these, so here’s Selena Gomez at the AMAs where she wore a braless dress and cry-sang about Justin Bieber because 22-year-olds are dumb. Congratulations, you are now the foremost expert on all things Selena Gomez and may now demand the severed, gilded hands of your co-workers’ children as tribute. Or an omelet bar. Whatever you people do in offices. I don’t have all day for this.

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, MPNC / Piaggio / AKM-GSI, Splash News

AMAs: Kendall & Kylie Brought The ‘Squatch

November 24th, 2014 // 39 Comments

Full Disclosure: I’ve got another giant-ass post to write about Bill Cosby, so I’m literally just throwing AMAs pics in your face starting with the least relevant and working my way up. Which is probably the greatest compliment I’ll ever give the Kardashians because I posted Kylie, Kendall and Khloe after Bleona Qereti and immediately regret it. More importantly, Kylie flashed her nipple during E!’s red carpet coverage because Kris Jenner‘s Internet game is strong, but I’m going to stick to just linking it because I can already see Chris Hansen hiding inside my coffee mug even though Miley Cyrus‘ vagina taught us in 2010 that that shit’s entirely legal. What now, Hansen? – *takes sip of coffee, gets punched in the tongue* – Dammit! It was that. That’s what’s now.

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Piaggio/AKM-GSI, Splash News

AMAs: What The Hell Is A Bleona Qereti?

November 24th, 2014 // 28 Comments

According to Wikipedia, Bleona Qereti is the “Madonna of Albania” and a reality TV person on Bravo’s Euros of Hollywood. I honestly don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that information, but let the record show that I tried to get to know a woman first before yelling, “You sure got nice bewbs!” inevitably making her mine and mine alone forever. I’m growing as a person.

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, MPNC/AKM-GSI, Splash News

Katy Perry’s Giant Breasts Twerking In A Bikini

November 23rd, 2014 // 44 Comments

Katy Perry got into some sort of fight with the paparazzi in Sydney on Friday and made fun of their tiny penises, but everybody seems to be friends now because here are bikini photos of her giant breasts that I’m posting now so they don’t get buried beneath AMAs red carpet pics, or worse, the eight million stories flying out of Bill Cosby‘s Jell-O raping pop. That guy’s done enough shit to women – “allegedly.” He’s good for a while.

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Photos: INFphoto.com

Lindsay Lohan Thinks She’s Poised For A Hollywood Comeback

November 21st, 2014 // 38 Comments
Choppers Full Of Coke
Lindsay Lohan Falling Down Drunk Panty Flash Upskirt Ischia Global Fest Gala
Lindsay Is Friends With People Who Have Them. Read More »

Posted by Photo Boy

Lindsay Lohan‘s starring run in Speed-the-Plow will end November 29th, but before she heads back to the states finally giving England a change to delouse their capitol city, she’s of course already talking about how successful her career’s about to be. Via Radar Online:

“Lindsay is doing better than she has in years!” a close friend of the once-troubled star tells RadarOnline.com exclusively.“Lindsay is determined to be a movie star again.”

“And then Lindsay turned her gaze slightly from the mirror, eyes averted as the lights in the room dimmed without anyone touching a switch. The creature now visible in the darkened dressing room vanity had sagging, gray circles under its eyes. Eyes that were crowded with once playful freckles, now slowly melting into liver spots. Clutching at its pendulous, withered breasts and heaving them sickeningly upwards, it hissed ‘Okay girls, we’re back in the game but this could be our last chance. Anything tries to stop us, we blow it, or kill it and it doesn’t even have to be in that order.’”

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Photo: Getty

Kim Kardashian Is Already Prepared For Her Daughter To Pose Naked

November 21st, 2014 // 15 Comments
'I'mma Stay In Thailand'
Kim Kardashian Naked Ass
Even Orphans Don't Want Kim To Raise Them Read More »

Constantly doing porn has made Kim Kardashian‘s lots of money along with unprecedented fame for her and her family who literally did nothing but be related to a woman Ray J peed on. But enough about why America needs to burn, here’s Kim response to the prospect of her one-year-old daughter doing a similar photo shoot to Kim’s in Paper. Via Fishwrapper:

I would support anything she wants to do. I don’t do anything with the intention to promote anyone else doing it—that’s not even what I’m trying to do. I do it because I’m proud of it. And it empowered me to feel good about myself after I had gained 500 pounds and looked like a huge slob for so long.”

In Kim’s defense, there truly is nothing more empowering than watching a man sit in front of a computer and digitally shrink your waist to a fictional size that basic physics dictate would snap in half if it tried to take one step with that ass. Sure, anyone can get an education and break the glass ceiling at their work, but letting someone Photoshop you to unrealistic proportions so you can feel superior to other pregnant bitches on the Internet? That’s some Susan B. Anthony shit. How is she not speaking in schools? Motherfuckin’ patriarchy, I see you.

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Photos: FameFlynet, Splash News

Gwyneth Paltrow Took A Run At Martha Stewart, She Missed

November 21st, 2014 // 18 Comments
Previously In Goop
Gwyneth Paltrow
The 2014 Gift Guide Seems Reasonable Read More »

Back in October, Martha Stewart dropped a nuclear pie bomb on Gwyneth Paltrow with a recipe titled “Conscious Coupling” complete with a description that took the piss right out of Gwyneth’s divorce. It was a laser-guided strike expected of someone who owns a goddamn drone. But now, a month and a half later, Gwyneth Paltrow has finally fired back by putting a recipe for Jailbird Cake in her latest GOOP newsletter full of deserts for the holiday. Which I guess is kind of a sick burn, except she buried it below a bunch of bullshit sections where PEOPLE eventually found it. Unlike Martha Stewart who made her shit an entire fucking page in her magazine complete with a witty introduction so you knew exactly who it was about. “Don’t be steppin’ no game if y’all ain’t ready to scorch some earf.” Those were her exact words which I’ve now repeated. You can release my family now.

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Photos Getty: