Archive for the ‘Hot Bodies’ Category

Jessica Simpson’s Baby Is High As Shit

September 24th, 2014 // 19 Comments

Everybody shut up about everything: Eric Johnson throwing Jessica Simpson‘s baby 80 feet in the air is your new shiny object. Is it the cutest thing ever, or the launchpad for a thousand mommy blog posts on child tossing? The world’s your oyster here. As for me, I’m using it to link to photos of Jessica Simpson’s giant breasts because if baby photos aren’t the gateway to boobs then I should probably take this Gwen Stefani post down. Seriously, why didn’t anybody say anything? This on you.

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Photos: Instagram

Stay The Hell Away From Sarah Hyland’s Ex

September 24th, 2014 // 44 Comments
Should've Been In The NFL
Ray Rice Ravens
You Only Got In Trouble If There's Video Read More »

Modern Family star Sarah Hyland has filed a restraining order against her allegedly abusive ex-boyfriend Matt Prokop after enlisting the help of Julie Bowen to get out of the relationship. So if you only read this top part, never, ever date this guy. TMZ reports:

According to the docs, Prokop — an actor who once appeared on “Modern Family” — pinned Hyland against a car during an argument about her outfit back in May and unleashed hell … calling her “c**t, c**t, c**t” and choking her.
Hyland says in the docs, “His grip was so tight that I could not breathe or speak. I was scared and in fear for my life.”

Things went even more south when Sarah staged an intervention to get him to move out: More »

Dakota Johnson’s In A Bikini

September 24th, 2014 // 10 Comments

Everything about the Emma Watson situation makes me want to rub magnets all over the Internet before pissing in its open ports (Wow, that was oddly specific.), so here’s Dakota Johnson in a bikini which is great for you because now you can tell people you saw her butt next to a rock way before everyone knew her as that one chick who got fisted in that movie. And that’s just a taste of the full media experience I bring to the table.

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The Emma Watson Nude Photo Threat Was A Bullshit Marketing Stunt

September 24th, 2014 // 53 Comments
Wielding The Fappening
Emma Watson Ban Ki-Moon HeForShe Campaign Launch United Nations
Which Turned Out To Be A Hoax Read More »

Over the past few days, the Internet lit up with a story that members of 4chan were allegedly threatening to release nude photos of Emma Watson in retaliation for her speech on feminism at the U.N. It even got my attention because if this shit is true (which it wasn’t), it’s pretty fucked up. And after posting it about yesterday, I heard from several commenters that, “No, man, you got it all wrong. 4chan wouldn’t do this. It’s a family place where we do balloon animals now. Now, 8chan. 8chan is where this probably happened.” And then there were of course the commenters going, “Yeah, she needs to shut up,” and, “Keep feminism out of MY GAMES,” because there is still a subculture inside 4chan with a history of violent, rape-filled rhetoric toward women, not to mention where The Fappening started, which made all of this entirely believable. Except everyone was wrong because it was a viral marketing stunt from a company who claims it was hired by celebrity publicists to discredit and ultimately shutdown 4chan. Via Mashable:

The website surrounding the false leaks,, threatened to release nude photographs of the 24-year-old actress and included a clock counting down to Saturday at midnight ET. The person who posted the website said it was in retaliation for Watson’s well-received speech that she gave at the United Nations on Sept. 20.
However, by midnight on Wednesday, the URL redirected to Rantic Marketing’s website. Watson’s face and the countdown clock has been replaced with a banner that says, “#shutdown4chan” and an open letter to President Barack Obama that claims celebrity publicists hired the marketing company to popularize a call for Internet censorship and the end of 4chan.

So let me tell you what was accomplished here: 1. Everyone’s seeing the words <Rantic Marketing now, so great job for them. Mission accomplished. 2. Any further, legitimate discussions on nude photo hacks and violent rhetoric toward women on the Internet – which they claim was the purpose – can now be slapped with a big ol’ “Just A Hoax” label for quick and easy dismissal. So again, super job. Great work.

UPDATE: And Rantic Marketing is a fake company. I hate everything. *buries face in bikini photos*

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Photos: Getty, INFphoto, Splash News, WENN

Good Morning, Ashley Lee, And Other News

September 24th, 2014 // 13 Comments

- Chris Pratt has to put up with Ariana Grande this weekend. [Lainey Gossip]

- Paula Deen is changed, y’all. [Dlisted]

- Girls Tugging On Their Clothes is why we Internet. [theCHIVE]

- James Franco is still writing shitty poetry about not banging Lindsay Lohan. [Fishwrapper]

- My mom wouldn’t let me watch The Simpsons until I was 16. And then there’s this lady. [The Frisky]

- Miranda Lambert bikini photos, anyone? [WWTDD]

- Kevin Sorbo used the NFL to bring up Benghazi. Okay… [Death and Taxes]

- Sometimes you have to look at Sofia Vergara‘s butt. [Popoholic]

- And a Wookiee’s. [tooFab]

- Beyonce has a three-year-old half-sister. [IDLYITW]

- Nicole Meyer belongs in lingerie. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Taylor Swift apparently wears underwear. Good to know. [Celebslam]

- And for a change of pace, Anais Zanotti eating ice cream. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet

On Emma Watson And The Shitheads Threatening Her With The Fappening

September 23rd, 2014 // 158 Comments
4chan's Off The Hook
Emma Watson Noah Premiere Berlin
It Was A Viral Marketing Stunt Read More »

UPDATE: At midnight Wednesday ET, Rantic (which is apparently a fake marketing company) took credit for this viral stunt which was supposedly aimed to discredit and shutdown 4chan. I have no clue anymore.

Let me start out by defining my absolutely questionable relationship with The Fappening, so I look slightly less hypocritical here. For starters, like anyone writing about The Fappening(s) whether to condemn it or go, “Holy shit, boobs!” it’s been a goddamn SEO boon, the lifeblood of any site. We’re all drinking deeply from the same trough no matter how you dress it up. That said, I have never entertained the thought that the celebrities who take nude photos (See? I’m doing it right there.) are “sluts” or “whores” that were asking for it. Except for maybe Kim Kardashian who uses a Blackberry yet somehow ended up being included in an iCloud hack, but I digress. I will, however, admit to being largely indifferent to the cause of “celebrity privacy” and operate under the belief that they willingly traded it to be in the spotlight. Does that mean their phones should be illegally hacked and private photos leaked online? Not at all. Am I not losing sleep over it and viewing it as the toothpaste’s already out of the tube? Yes, but keep in mind, I’m kind of an asshole. And for the record, if this shit happened to men, you’re goddamn wrong if you think I wouldn’t milk the SEO out of their dongs. I’d milk it so hard. Anyway, all of this is becoming moot thanks to a group of alleged 4chan members [Ed. Note: Or not. Maybe? I hate the Internet. - SW] deciding to wield these hacks like a club to shame Emma Watson for – GASP! – mildly extolling the virtues of feminism. Here are exact words which apparently aren’t for the faint of balls. Via Death and Taxes: More »

Daphne Joy’s In A Bikini

September 23rd, 2014 // 27 Comments

You’re probably wondering how I can just go from a post defending Emma Watson and the virtues of feminism to Daphne Joy bikini photos, and it’s simple, really. I push “Publish,” and then people go, “Good heavens, are those ass and titties?” before clicking on each photo hundreds of thousands of times which somehow makes me money to write whatever bullshit I want. I have no idea how it keeps happening.

This has been another exciting installment of, “At Least I’m Not Dealing Drugs, Mom.”

Photos: Splash News

If Only There Was Some Way To Tell If Lady GaGa Has A New Album Out

September 23rd, 2014 // 10 Comments

If you’re wondering why I put stars over Lady Gaga’s pasties, trust me when I say that from far away – say the exact distance you’re boss would be standing – the fabric of her dress creates a circular effect that looks exactly like a nipple. Which is also why I’m typing five feet away fomar my deskmm withA BROoom> iTs’ goigng we;ll

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Photo: Pacific Coast News, Splash News