Archive for the ‘Hot Bodies’ Category

Happy Easter, Constance Nunes, And Other News

April 20th, 2014 // 4 Comments

[Ed. Note: As you'll notice, it's technically still Easter, but we're giving our link partners some love a bit early thanks to the past three days we took off to thumb our buttholes in a fit of lethargy. And trust me when I say that's nowhere near as seductive as it sounds. It's MORE. - SW]

- James Franco responds well to criticism. [Lainey Gossip]

- Gwyneth Paltrow is taking celebrity friend selfies now. Fuckdammit… [Dlisted]

- Cute Girls Make The Sun Shine A Bit Brighter [theCHIVE]

- Dolly Parton has no fucking clue what Miley Cyrus is doing. [Fishwrapper]

- There’s literally a shortage of sturdy shower rods thanks to Mimi Faust‘s sex tape. [The Frisky]

- Heather Graham will never stop being hot. [Popoholic]

- For the love of God, please pay attention to Sofia Vergara‘s ass. [Starpulse]

- Paul Walker‘s brothers are making sure the world gets a seventh Fast & Furious movie. [tooFab]

- Ashley Greene‘s gym owes her a refund. [IDLYITW]

- Karolina Kurkova‘s hotness is back. [Hollywood Tuna]

- The Sexiest Social Media Pics of the Week [Celebslam]

- Samuel L. Jackson is doing a Quentin Tarantino live-read. Fuck yes. [FilmDrunk]

- That’s Scarlett Johansson‘s labia. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet

Just Kidding! Kate Upton Loves Her Boobs

April 17th, 2014 // 17 Comments

Earlier in the week, the Internet lost its shit after becoming deeply concerned that Kate Upton might get a breast reduction because she hates her giant boobs. Except now she’s backtracking those remarks which she claims she never said probably because people called her out on how she got famous in the first place. So if you think I’m going to let her get away with that, you’re goddamn right because her breasts are gigantic. Would she like to murder a puppy? Because I can get her puppies. I’ll get her all the puppies. Just say the word.

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Maitland Ward Got Her Own Post

April 17th, 2014 // 29 Comments
Previously In Nostalgia
Melissa Joan Hart Bikini Nutrisystem
Clarissa Explains Her Bikini Read More »

If you’re avid clicker of The Crap We Missed, you’ve probably seen Maitland Ward at some red carpet event thanks to Photo Boy’s uncanny ability to somehow not make every pic Prince Charles. So for reasons that can be described as, “How am I not seeing her vagina?” here’s Maitland’s very own post from last night’s A Haunted House 2 premiere. Later, today you can tell your friends you saw that chick Corey and Erik fought over after letting her live in their apartment which seems kind of a rapey thing to do, but if 90s sitcom were anything, they were a mirror to the world. Oh, how we wanted to know if people had any cheese back then. How we wanted to know so bad.

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

Holy Shit, Tom Cruise Really Did Buy Hot Donna With His Space Money

April 17th, 2014 // 25 Comments
So We've Got These Slaves
Tom Cruise
Why Not Make Them Date Tom? Read More »

When you’re the Planetary Prince-Regent of Adamanthium 7, you get only the finest quimmelwidgets to galactic shazzlebang your norfbong. It’s practically your birthright. Which is why the rumors are true that Tom Cruise has chosen fellow Scientologist Laura Prepon to be the new slave-bride he makes people believe he has heterosexual relations with under the cover of darkness. Page Six reports:

P.R. reps for the two denied any romance in November after the actors were spotted enjoying a cozy dinner at the Manor Hotel in Los Angeles.
However, my source on the Left Coast says Cruise and Prepon are still seeing each other, but they are being extremely careful to keep it secret. “It’s the buzz on the set of her show,” the insider told me.

When asked how many weeks he’d keep this one locked in the engine room of a slave ship, Tom Cruise laughed then asked, “Why? Did she get out?” while secretly wondering if he forgot to check the padlock. Later, his guards would seal all the exits, and it’d be 18 weeks until any of us saw our families again. But we weren’t the same people they remembered. And probably never would be again…

Photos: Getty

Heidi Klum’s Still Topless

April 17th, 2014 // 37 Comments

Here’s Day 2 of Heidi Klum‘s topless vacation with 27-year-old Vito Schnabel who at one point was banging Demi Moore, but presumably saw Boba Fett crawl out of her stomach and called it a day. As for what that has to do with the price of flapjacks in Germany, who understands half of these posts, amirite? High five!

Photos: AKM-GSI

Good Morning, Lexie Marlow, And Other News

April 17th, 2014 // Leave a Comment

- Katy Perry is banging some dude named Duplo? Diplo? [Lainey Gossip]

- Lindsay Lohan‘s reality show won’t get a second season because it stars Lindsay Lohan. [Dlisted]

- The Newly Single Chivettes Have Come Out To Play [theCHIVE]

- Olivia Wilde is nude and all is right with the world. [Fishwrapper]

- Seth Rogen smacks down Nancy Grace. [The Daily Banter]

- The Kardashians are officially an epidemic. [The Frisky]

- More like Elisandra Tomachesty. … I’ll go turn in my keyboard now. [Popoholic]

- Samuel L. Jackson wants you to check your motherfucking dick for motherfucking cancer. [Starpulse]

- Tori Spelling turned her husband’s affair into a reality show. Of course. [tooFab]

- There is… another… Mila Kunis… [IDLYITW]

- What’s up, Georgia May Jagger? [Hollywood Tuna]

- Pink in a bikini, anyone? [Celebslam]

- Val Kilmer‘s spirit animal is David Schwimmer? Sure, why not? [FilmDrunk]

- Paulina Gretzky just made me interested in golf. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet

BREAKING: Hilary Duff Looks Hot In Overalls

April 16th, 2014 // 9 Comments

Here’s Hilary Duff continuing her trend of looking hot as shit which was all just a ploy to get back together with the boring husband she left instead of finding a new, way less rich one who blogs about naked boobs all day. You’ll barely even know I’m there. Sexually and emotionally, I’m like a ninja.

Photos: Fame/Flynet

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