Archive for the ‘Hot Bodies’ Category

Kim Kardashian Tries To Adopt Orphan In Thailand, Orphan’s Like ‘Nah’

November 20th, 2014 // 8 Comments
'I Was Clenching!'
Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tight PVC Dress Fleur Fatale Fragrance Launch
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“I’m here now, child, your Fairy Buttmothe- why are you running?!”

On a recent episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, supreme ass-clencher Kim Kardashian pretended to possess a soul capable of empathy and compassion by expressing interest in adopting a young girl from an orphanage in Thailand because every episode can’t be about shopping and a mouse in Kourtney‘s new mansion. Just most of them. Anyway, the 13-year-old girl was apparently savvy enough to realize she’d just be fed to the Wookiee which is what I’m going with. The Daily Mail reports:

Pink, an outstanding scholar whose mother sent her to the home because she was too poor to care for her and fund her education, immediately bonded with Kim and gave her a bracelet in a visit in April filmed for her hit show Keeping Up with The Kardashians.
But after being told the reality TV star wanted to adopt her, Pink said: ‘Everyone wants to have a different or a better life, I suppose. But when I thought about it I realised it wouldn’t be good for me, because I would have to leave so much behind. I wasn’t ready for that.’

Except if you watched the episode, you were led to believe it was the sage-like wisdom of Kris Jenner who stopped the deal by telling Kim you can’t just buy children from Thailand. You have to go to Malawi. That’s how Madonna does it: More »

Good Morning, Alexandra Eriksson, And Other News

November 20th, 2014 // 7 Comments

- Benedict Cumberbatch wants to be Ryan Gosling. [Lainey Gossip]

- This is what Kylie Jenner looks like without 800 pounds of war paint. [Fishwrapper]

- Donald Sutherland thinks Jennifer Lawrence is Jesus, so guess who saw the nudes. [Dlisted]

- Rip-Roaring Redheads Coming In Hot [theCHIVE]

- Anna Wintour‘s backhanded reason for putting Kim Kardashian on the cover of Vogue. [The Frisky]

- Molly Shannon got breast implants. These are words I actually just wrote. [WWTDD]

- Julien Blanc, the pick-up artist jackass who chokes women, got shut down by the UK now. [Death and Taxes]

- Scarlet Johansson has a new mom hairdo. [Popoholic]

- Victoria’s Secret Casting Is The Best Thing Ever [Hollywood Tuna]

- What’s up, Brooke Perry? [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet

Don’t Friend Taryn Manning On Facebook

November 19th, 2014 // 13 Comments

Crossroads star (That was entirely relevant.) Taryn Manning has been arrested for threatening a former friend/maybe ex-girlfriend in violation of a previous restraining order, according to TMZ:

Taryn had been ordered to stay away from Jeanine Heller, a former pal after the two ended up in court and a judge issued a mutual domestic restraining order.
We’re told the judge determined Tuesday Taryn violated the restraining order by threatening to kill Jeanine via text and social media. According to court docs, Taryn’s threatening messages included: “I will kill you, bitch” … “Go f**k yourself and die” … “What’s taking so long? Shouldn’t you be dead by now?”
Taryn was not in court, so the judge cited her for contempt and police then arrested her.

Am I the only one who laughed at “What’s taking so long? Shouldn’t you be dead by now?” because that’s some classic Hollywood entitlement. “Bitch, I hope you die! But I’m too busy to do it myself, so I’ll periodically check in to see if someone else did it. Or maybe you could just do it for me. OMG, that would be so amaze. BYEESSS!”

And now these four year old bikini photos I had lying around because, again, I have everybody. Literally everybody. That can’t be healthy.

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Photos: Pacific Coast News

Let’s Take A Break From Rapists, Child Molesters, And Everything Else

November 19th, 2014 // 35 Comments

It’s been a heady few days of rape, more rape, and reporters basically asking “alleged” rape victims why they didn’t just not get raped. So before I start writing about child rape (which I may completely flake out on before my soul falls out), let’s just kick our feet up and look at Miss Bum Bum finalist Claudia Alende recreating Kim Kardashian‘s naked photo shoot. And if that’s not your thing, below is Conan taking Jordan Schlansky coffee-tasting which is hilarious if you enjoy watching a replicant spectacularly fail to blend in with normal humans:

Conan Takes Jordan Schlansky Coffee Tasting After The Jump

Thor Is People’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive’

November 19th, 2014 // 15 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

Thor: The Dark World was a pile of shit, but definitely included a gratuitous shirtless scene of Chris Hemsworth because we really are a race of slightly smarter apes who still kill each other over shiny objects. Which is why every year the magazine who’s very namesake would indicate it represents our most fundamental interests, publishes their signature feature that basically says, “That one! We like that purty one bester!!” So, congratulations Chris’ abs, pecs and butt, you are now officially sanctioned masturbatory fodder as well as the subject of great contention, because it totally should have been Channing Tatum again. (Attention terrorists: Start with the midwest and south, then work your way out. By the time you reach the coasts, the rest of us who’ve been eyeing up Denmark for years will already be gone.)

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Splash News

Good Morning, Kat Torres, And Other News

November 19th, 2014 // 8 Comments

- Gwyneth Paltrow is an Oscar-winning contextual commerce-person. And don’t you forget it! [Lainey Gossip]

- The Duggars are still awful. [Fishwrapper]

- The Parents Television Council just now figured out there’s fucking on Sons of Anarchy? [Dlisted]

- Enjoy The Tan Lines Before They Fade Away [theCHIVE]

- Benedict Cumberbatch apparently has trouble describing the word “booty.” [The Frisky]

- Angelina Jolie‘s breasts were in public again. [WWTDD]

- Anonymous declares war on the KKK. [Death and Taxes]

- Nicole Scherzinger‘s ass is still fantastic. [Popoholic]

- Peyton List is trouble. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Hayden Panettiere is pregnant as shit. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet

Kim Kardashian Was Clenching Her Butt, You Guys, It Wasn’t Photoshop

November 18th, 2014 // 34 Comments
It's Kim's Naked Vagina Now
Kim Kardashian Vagina Topless Naked FUPA
Hot Dog!
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Kim Kardashian naked ass butt pussy” is still a huge search term right now (Never change, Internet.), so here she is telling an Australian talk show that her nude photo shoot for Paper is not the product of Photoshop, but of muscular clenching which almost always turns butts into smooth, spherical half-globes. Everyone knows that. Via Jezebel:

“My back hurt for about a week after that shoot. I used muscles! [Photographer Jean-Paule Goude] has an art of posing you and it was definitely not comfortable.”
“I was so honored and excited to work with [Goude] because he is a legend, and for me that was something I wanted to do to make myself feel confident. As a role model I’m not saying anyone else should do that, but for me it was an art project and it taught me to do what you want to do.”

If anyone needs me, I’m going to try and clench my penis into the shape of an octagon because apparently that’s possible if I say it’s for art. It’s for art.

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Photos: Getty, MODE/AKM-GSI, Splash News

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