Archive for the ‘Hot Bodies’ Category

Good Morning, Maitland Ward, And Other News

October 22nd, 2014 // 19 Comments

- Selena Gomez might be banging Orlando Bloom again. [Lainey Gossip]

- Ryan Phillippe: “I’ve only made five good movies.” [Dlisted]

- Presenting The Internet’s Booty Hall of Fame [theCHIVE]

- Dean McDermott used to jerk off to Tori Spelling when she was on 90210. [Fishwrapper]

- Adobe sides with #GamerGate because the poor wiener children are being “bullied.” [The Frisky]

- Oscar Pistorius will basically spend 10 months in prison. If that. [WWTDD]

- Your Hypnotic Ass GIF of The Day [Girls In Cute Underwear]

- Buzzfeed is the most distrusted media outlet. [Death and Taxes]

- Keeley Hazell is still hot. [Popoholic]

- Renee Zellweger responds to Internet: “I’m healthy.” [tooFab]

- Cora Skinner in lingerie. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Cailin Russo is topless again. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: INFphoto, Splash News

Did Tyga Put A Baby In Kylie Jenner?

October 21st, 2014 // 26 Comments
Nothing Alarming Here
Kylie Jenner Tyga
Just A Teenager Dating A 25-Year-Old Rapper Read More »

As more and more evidence points to Tyga dating Kylie Jenner, his Instagram followers have decided to call him a pedophile for dating a 17-year old, but apparently they just a jealous ass ho who wish he’d put a baby in them. Like he did with Kylie? Wait. Via Fishwrapper:

“why u sound so hateful. U don’t know s–t bout my life but the fake s–t u read online. Worry about your sad boring life. U wish u can have a baby by a n—- like me and live this lifestyle. let me guess no one wants u or ever attempted to spoil u and give u the world like I do for mines. Your ugly not just physically but in your soul. Never speak on on my son.”

Supposedly, he’s talking about the son he was with Blac Chyna, but these are the Kardashians we’re talking about, so it’s not like they wouldn’t jump at the chance to birth some more rappers’ babies. Or “retirement funds” as Kris calls them. “Don’t forget to put a 401k in your ham wallet!” she probably says before sending Kylie off to school. (I’m kidding, that’s the maid’s job.)

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Photo: Instagram

Blake Lively’s Pregnant Body Won The Angel Ball

October 21st, 2014 // 12 Comments

Normally, pregnancy is God’s way of cursing woman for using their filthy vagina holes for sex, but sometimes it can result a in beautiful transformation instead of the Beast of the Apocalypse. And such is the case with Blake Lively who took time away from running a website full of plagiarism and the hottest slaveowner fashions to look goddamn remarkable at whatever the hell the Angel Ball is. There are women without a parasite living inside of them who don’t look this good. It’s changed everything I thought I knew about the female body.

ALTERNATE POST FOR HILARY DUFF:

Your butt’s prettier. Let’s get married! *pulls out diamond ring, waits for it…*

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, MPNC / AKM-GSI, Splash News

Good Morning, Colleen Shannon, And Other News

October 21st, 2014 // 6 Comments

- I have yet to hear one bad thing about Birdman. [Lainey Gossip]

- Bethenny Frankel‘s mom seems nice. [Dlisted]

- Jenna Handed To You On A Silver Platter [theCHIVE]

- Sean Hannity invited Russell Brand onto his show, then had security kick him out. [Fishwrapper]

- This is a link to penises wearing heels in the most literal way possible. [The Frisky]

- Wait, Nina Dobrev wears bikinis on The Vampire Diaries? *sets DVR* [WWTDD]

- Your hypnotic ass GIF of the day. [Girls In Cute Underwear]

- If Christopher Nolan Directed ‘Spaceballs’ [Death and Taxes]

- Alessandra Ambrosio is still incredibly hot. [Popoholic]

- Monica Lewinsky is giving speeches now. [tooFab]

- What’s up, Shanna McLaughlin? [Hollywood Tuna]

- Holy hell, Katee Life… [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Fame/Flynet

And Now Back To Celebrities: What Are They Doing With Their Vaginas?

October 20th, 2014 // 38 Comments

After the depressing one-two punch (poor choice of words) of Stephen Collins getting off (and I did it again) scot-free and Ray Rice being reinstated next month, I thought we could use some lighter fare. So here’s Miley Cyrus doing wacky stuff with her vulva because she’s not Hannah Montana anymore blah blah blah drugs. The important thing is I wrote vulva instead of vagina which is practically a miracle considering I still think these things can read minds like Quato. Or maybe I just date a lot of women with baby arms down there. Baby arms that, now that I think about, look an awful lot like di- sonofabitch.

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Photos: Vantagenews/AKM-GSI

Jennifer Lopez Still Makes Videos With Fat Joe

October 20th, 2014 // 14 Comments
Jennifer Lopez Stressin Fat Joe
WATCH: Fat Joe - 'Stressin ft. Jennifer Lopez'

For the rest of her natural life, Jennifer Lopez will never make a video that’s better than “Booty.” These are facts. However, that still won’t stop me from posting the new video for Fat Joe’s “Stressin” because there’s nothing more with the times than tone-deaf rap videos where rich people brag about how awesome and stress-free their lives are. Also, Jennifer Lopez over-emphasizes “thousand dollar tips” as “thousand dollar teeeyips,” and that shit will get stuck straight in your head. – The Superficial: I’mma Put My Pain In You.

Kim Kardashian’s Endorsement Demands Are As Ridiculous As Her Ass

October 20th, 2014 // 80 Comments
This Poor Fucking Kid
Kim Kardashian Kanye West Dolls North
She Doesn't Stand A Chance Read More »

Most, if not all, of Kim Kardashian‘s services can be purchased through Kris Jenner. And if you think that’s an exaggeration, here’s Kim accepting an Austrian businessman’s money to be his date to the 2014 Opera Ball in Vienna while engaged to Kanye West. In fact, I ran the numbers on how many times Warren Buffet could afford to have sex with her, and I’m pretty sure I just predicted his death. Anyway, Radar Online has apparently obtained a “secret email” between Kim’s rep and an unspecified firm looking to hire her to promote their brand which basically opens with her requiring at least a $750,000 to $1 million fee before she’ll even think about charging them for a whole bunch of other shit:

Wrote the rep, “I think you should definitely come back with the best offer that you can make her from a money standpoint, so that we can save the time going back and forth.”
But the fee is only the half of it.
For travel related to personal appearances for the brand, the Keeping Up with the Kardashians star requires “5 first class tickets, plus 1 coach [Ed. Note: Because 6 first class tickets would just be obscene. - SW], first class hotel accommodations (1 suite for talent and standard rooms for others in party), portal to portal first class exclusive ground transportation, airport greeter service, security, glam fee (day rate for her hair and makeup squad), and a per diem.”
Her rep also noted, “We would need approval over photographer, all photos used in print materials, glam squad (hair, makeup, stylist, manicurist), hotel/airline/car service and PR usage.”

And while all of that sounds like you’re typical con game, here’s the best part that perfectly sums up this entirely family:

But if Kardashian’s diva demands put her out of the company’s price range, the rep was willing to offer second best: Kendall Jenner would shill the line for $500,000 to $1 million, the rep said.

Do I even need to write a joke here? Kris Jenner’s children are cattle. They’re literally cattle. This just validated every single “Moo” in the comments. And the ones I know you people are saying out loud. Don’t deny it.

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, RAAK/AKM-GSI

Good Morning, Vivica Mitra, And Other News

October 20th, 2014 // 9 Comments

- Chris Martin apparently gets the Beckhams in the divorce. [Lainey Gossip]

- Pregnant Blake Lively is craving the most Blake Lively foods. [Dlisted]

- Mariah Carey is going to put us at war with China. [Fishwrapper]

- She’s Got Legs For Days [theCHIVE]

- This Is Why You’re Afraid of Ebola (Despite The Fact That You’re Not Going To Get Infected) [The Frisky]

- If I don’t post anything today, it’s because I’m still hypnotized by this. [Girls in Cute Underwear]

- Obama‘s credit card was declined in New York, so there’s Fox News’ entire week. [Death and Taxes]

- Goddamn, Nathasha Barnard in lingerie. [Popoholic]

- Never put recent photos of Kirsten Dunst next to old ones. [tooFab]

- Dutch bikers drove into Northern Iraq and just start shooting at ISIS for shits and giggles. [WWTDD]

- Kelly Brook‘s cleavage show. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Miss Ukraine Universe topless in Russia GQ. Apparently that’s allowed. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Fame/Flynet

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