Archive for the ‘Hot Bodies’ Category

Charli XCX’s Breasts Are Back

December 19th, 2014 // 16 Comments

I still don’t know who or what a Charli XCX is, or why her name is a Bratz doll, but I do know you people will click the hell out of her breasts, so here they are at the Jingle Ball in Chicago last night because I show you the occasional boob, and then you make me mone- oh, God, I’m your wife. I’m your wife in this transaction. And you didn’t even notice my hair!

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Photos: Getty

Kate Upton Wins ‘Sexiest Woman’ At PEOPLE Awards

December 19th, 2014 // 47 Comments

Kate Upton won the PEOPLE Magazine Award for Sexiest Woman last night and couldn’t look more boring doing it, but you’ll notice that didn’t stop me from posting about it, or PEOPLE from finding literally anybody else, because we both bow at the altar of SEO. It is the one true God. *slices open palm, drips blood onto keyboard* Hyperlinked nude leaked photos with bold HTML tag SHALAMAKAKA!

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Photos: Getty, Splash News

Good Morning, Vicky Pattison, And Other News

December 19th, 2014 // 15 Comments

- Burt Macklin: Velociraptor Cop: Justice just got a new name. [Lainey Gossip]

- Legolas wants to do Lord of The Rings porn. The world needs three hours of dongs going in! [Fishwrapper]

- Jennifer Aniston grouchy? Inconceivable. [Dlisted]

- If You Like Tattoos, Get Over Here [theCHIVE]

- Here’s why Republicans oppose ending the Cuba embargo. [The Frisky]

- Now we can’t even show Team America in theaters. WTF? [The Daily Banter]

- Lauren Silverman‘s in a bikini. [WWTDD]

- If Tampon Commercials Were Made By Men [Death and Taxes]

- What’s up, Alyssa Arce swimsuit photos? [Popoholic]

- Brina Chantal‘s bikini booty. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Bill Clinton will make your wife leave you. [COED]

- Victoria’s Secret forgot to airbrush Candice Swanepoel‘s nipple. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Xposure/AKM-GSI

Alessandra Ambrosio Topless And Stripping Down To Her Panties, Anyone?

December 18th, 2014 // 7 Comments

I’ve got posts about a child molester and an alleged rapist coming up, so for something less depressing here’s Alessandra Ambrosio stripping for LOVE Magazine’s Advent 2014 which means Lindsay Lohan‘s shitty video was sandwiched between a world-class supermodel and Emily Ratajkowski making it even more shitty because Kirk Cameron was right, the Christ-child is real and getting presents is the most important part of the season. To Walmart! *dumps over Salvation Army bucket* BABY JESUS SAYS MONEY’S FOR PLAYSTATIONS!

Alessandra Ambrosio Stripping For LOVE Advent 2014 After The Jump

Nicki Minaj’s Nipple Was On TV!

December 18th, 2014 // 24 Comments

A major American film studio completely caved to North Korea-sponsored hackers essentially putting unprecedented power into the hands of anyone who can access rich people’s emails, but that was 10 minutes ago. Now it’s all about Nicki Minaj’s nipple slip provided you count 1/4th of an areola as a nipple which the Internet does because it doesn’t have time to quibble over semantics. Show it the boob parts! In the meantime, what movie would the nipple like us to cancel? I’m pretty sure that’s how this works, and might have already left a suspicious package at a showing of The Hobbit. (It’s just an old alarm clock tied to some C4. Relax.)

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Photo: Instagram

Good Morning, Colleen Shannon, And Other News

December 18th, 2014 // 5 Comments

- Selena Gomez came down with the drama in front of Beyonce. Girlfriennnddd… [Lainey Gossip]

- Nicki Minaj is going to blow up dickheads. [Fishwrapper]

- The time Alex Trebek almost quit Jeopardy because he was asked to have feelings. [Dlisted]

- Wake Up With Jennifer [theCHIVE]

- Pat Robertson thinks gay people will go extinct because they can’t reproduce. [The Frisky]

- When did Rachel Bilson get breasts? [WWTDD]

- How to react to catching your husband fucking your twin. [Death and Taxes]

- Miranda Kerr in lingerie, anyone? [Popoholic]

- Alyssa Barbara still has huge awesome breasts. [Hollywood Tuna]

- How do I get Nina Agdal under my Christmas tree? Without Cosbying her. No Cosbying. [COED]

- Porn Stars reading “How The Grinch Stole Christmas.” [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Fame/Flynet

Bertney & The Amazing Computer Magicked Bikini

December 17th, 2014 // 22 Comments

Bertney And The Amazing Computer Magicked Berkini Belly
A Positive Reinforcement Reader

It was a very special day for Bertney. She was at the courthouse seeing the nice old judge who always had the best news to tell Papa.
“Well, Mr. Spears,” the judge said from his very tall wooden seat. “After watching the surveillance footage you so generously provided, I shudder to think what would happen if Ms. Spears were permitted to make decisions for herself. She’s yours for another year!” And with that he banged his tiny little hammer, and Bertney clapped and giggled. It was her favorite part.
“Does that mean we get to live together forever?” Bertney asked Papa excitedly.
“Yes, it does,” Papa said with a very tired smile. Bertney wondered if he was getting enough sleep. “Now, let’s get you ready for your swimsuit pictures. We’re already running behind.” More »

A Paris Hilton Panty Flash Post? Why Not?

December 17th, 2014 // 27 Comments

In case you can’t tell we’re circling the holiday toilet for news, I already wrote about Lindsay Lohan today, and now here’s Paris Hilton flashing her panties because it’s 2006 again. (To top it off, this is me punting my way to a Bertney post to complete the trifecta.) You’ll also notice Paris has a wet spot on her ass, but before someone suggests it’s some sort of sexual discharge, the fabric is still intact, so take your sloppy science to Natural News. You don’t bring that shit in my house.

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Photos: Xposure/Vantagenews/AKM-GSI

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