Archive for the ‘Hot Bodies’ Category

Kanye West: ‘My Dad Was A Paparazzo’

August 27th, 2014 // 15 Comments
Beyonce Is Beneath Kim
Beyonce VMAs
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“Why does one of them keep yelling, ‘I just want to see my granddaughter!’ instead of taking pictures of my tits? Kanye? — Kanye?

So remember in The Empire Strikes Back when everyone finds out Darth Vader is Luke’s father? This is sort of like that except way, way stupider because only hands got cut off in Empire instead of tone-deaf accusations of being treated like a pre-civil-rights African-American. TMZ reports:

During deposition for the suit filed by Daniel Ramos … Kanye told Ramos’ attorney, “My father was a paparazzo himself.” He added that his parents didn’t raise him to “be out here wrestling with random paparazzi in front of LAX.”
Kanye said he respects some of the paparazzi and gets along with them from time to time, but accused Ramos of asking him about “dumb s**t.”

And if there’s one person who should be the arbiter of what constitutes “dumb shit,” it’s the man who called Kim Kardashian his “dinosaur” and equates getting his picture taken with forced sexual intercourse. That’s a level of intelligence you don’t just fire random questions at. His mind’s a fine-tuned instrument that should only be used on the most next level of shit. And you’re damn right I’m talking about leather jogging pants. They’re jogging pants made out of leather.

Photos: Splash News

Nina Dobrev’s In A Bikini, Probably Banging Alexander Ludwig

August 27th, 2014 // 15 Comments

My knowledge of Nina Dobrev pretty much starts and ends with she’s on not-True Blood, and I had to Google who the hell Alexander Ludwig even is. So here’s the two of them together because this site is a goddamn collision course of superstar fame provided there are butt photos. On that note, I don’t know what else you expect me to add here, but if it’s Ian Somerhalder holding a cat, you’re barking up the tree. — It’s over here. He truly, genuinely loves them. You can really tell.

Photos: FameFlynet

No, Wait, Megan Fox, South Korea’s On Our Side!

August 27th, 2014 // 12 Comments

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is an epic shitbomb of pure fuck-dumb, so here’s Megan Fox dropping it on South Korea yesterday because who needs allies? Amirite? That whole North Korea thing will probably sort itself out. Plus we’re still holding all the Dennis Rodmans. I dare anyone to defy us.

Photos: Getty

Kim Kardashian Doesn’t Have Time For Beyonce

August 27th, 2014 // 23 Comments

We already know Kim Kardashian checked her phone during the Ferguson moment of silence at the VMAs and now comes word that she bailed before Beyonce‘s acceptance speech which, judging by the Internet’s reaction to Beyonce’s performance, practically makes Kim Hitler now. Assy Hitler. Hollywood Life reports:

An eyewitness source who attended the VMAs tells HollywoodLife.com EXCLUSIVELY, “I saw them leave before Beyonce started her speech. They were checked out for the whole show. They left right before she talked and Jay Z arrived to give her the award.”

According to Celebuzz, apparently Kim is so over Beyonce now because she bailed on her wedding and doesn’t think Jay Z‘s worthy to be friends with Kanye. Which is odd considering Kim’s done everything in her power just to sniff Beyonce’s hair and even made it into a blurry concert pic with her. So to give up now when she’s so close to locking her in an old refrigerator and drinking her blood (Can you tell I’ve been watching Luther?) just reinforces what I’ve always said about the Kardashians: Let me know when Kylie’s 18. They’re lazy. Pure lazy.

Photos: Getty

Rita Ora & Kristin Cavallari Deserved Better

August 26th, 2014 // 7 Comments

Yesterday, our server basically burst into flames, fucking a giant hole in our day and causing us to scramble to post what we could, when we could. So lost in that mix were Rita Ora and Kristin Cavallari who both showed up in small doses, but really deserved their own galleries because Jesus Christ. So here’s us righting that wrong and attempting to atone for putting Lena Dunham in the Emmys gallery. That was uncalled for. You have children, for God’s sake, we know.

Photos: Fame/Flynet, MPNC/AKM-GSI, Splash News

Miley Cyrus’ Date To The VMAs Isn’t Exactly Homeless

August 26th, 2014 // 54 Comments
It Could've Been Worse
Kardashians Checking Phones Ferguson VMAs
She Could've Done This Read More »

Most people consider homeless to mean poor, destitute, no place to turn to. So when Miley Cyrus brought a “homeless” date to the VMAs, it was just assumed that she picked this poor guy up off the streets where poverty had left him. Turns out he’s a struggling model whose mom says he can come home anytime he wants. Whoops. The Daily Mail reports:

Speaking from her home in Salem, Mrs Helt, mother to Jesse’s three brothers and sister, added Jesse chose to ‘go it alone’ and chase his dreams.
She said: ‘He wanted to be in Los Angeles and he had opportunities and he took them, but you know, he’s had his ups and downs like anybody else.
‘It was his choice, he was always welcome, he could always come back any time. If he needed help, I’d help him, we help one another,’ she added.

And if you’re about to say this is nitpicking, go ahead and ask a real homeless person what they’d do just to sleep in a clean bed let alone after a home-cooked meal because I’m pretty sure they’d apologize to their mom for doing drugs and breaking into houses in a heartbeat. In fact, they’d probably say, “Wait, that’s it?!” before stabbing you with a tin can for actually thinking they’d be stupid enough to pass that up. Goddammit.

Photos: Instagram / Getty

Shit, Y’All Know Dave & Buster’s Is #BBare’s House

August 26th, 2014 // 27 Comments
#BBare's 4 Lyfe
Selena Gomez Kissing Justin Bieber Instagram
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YO! Getcha ass up off my boy’s skeeball. AND STAY OUT DA BALL PIT. Tap Maple Zizzurp:

Justin and Selena Gomez were at Dave & Buster’s Monday night when a fan started taking cell phone pics and video of the two. Law enforcement sources say … Justin lunged at the guy … in an attempt to take his cell phone and presumably erase the pics and video.
Justin’s security held him back and he never made contact with the fan.
Police were called but before they arrived Justin booked it out of there.
Our law enforcement sources say the fan wants to press charges and Justin is being investigated … and the possible crimes are attempted battery, attempted theft (stealing the pics) and attempted robbery (grabbing the camera in an attempt to permanently deprive the fan of the pics and video).

Let me make this Crystal Light clear: ALL Y’ALL PHONES BELONG TO #BBARE. You may think you signin’ a contract with AT&T or Verizon or mothafuckin Sprint, but in actuality, you signin’ a contract to hand that shit over to #BBare if he don’t like you takin’ dem pictures. Ya see, sometimes my boy needs to have a quiet night with his girl like errbody else. Take her to dinner, get dat pussy with some Dave & Buster‘s as pussies do, and then drop dem panties with a Frosty on the way home. It’s a beautiful thing dat y’all up and ruin when you up in his face with dat cameraphone. And my boy coulda killed y’all, too, but you lucky he on parole. (And used all his bullets on Suge. WHAT.) So remember dat shit for next time: Let a nigga be Batman, man. Let him be Batman.

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Wait. Lindsay Lohan Is A Nanny?

August 26th, 2014 // 33 Comments
Lindsay's Being Lindsay
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“Call me Mrs. Crotchfire.”

I would’ve posted this sooner, but a gaping vagina and 18 server crashes will fuck a man’s schedule up, so here’s In Touch Weekly reporting that not only is Lindsay Lohan “dating” an investment banker, she’s also taking care of his kids who presumably don’t have a mother that loves them because she hasn’t tried to flee the country with them:

Lindsay helps the kids take baths. She really pitches in looking after them, and the girls really like her,” a second source tells the mag, adding that the actress is doing better than ever. “She’s finally in a mature relationship with a really grounded guy.”

So you know how everyone’s been freaking out lately about the over-militarization of local police forces? Hear me out: What if we gave all that shit to child services? Mainly wherever this guy lives. Who’s going to argue that? Besides libertarians. They’re a silly group.

Photos: Splash News

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