Casper Smart Wishes This Butt Came With A Wiener (WINNER: Classiest Headline 2014)

The Superficial / June 5, 2014

If you’ve somehow missed it over the past few days, The Dirty has been posting messages allegedly between Jennifer Lopez’s driver Casper Smart and transsexual model Sofie Vissa. And while the evidence looks pretty fucking damning – and not at all surprising – it seems way too good to be true. Except now People is reporting that JLo and Casper are only “technically” still together, so shit just got real:

A few months ago, Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smart “hit a rough patch,” a friend tells PEOPLE, but the singer has been trying to be supportive of him and work through their issues.
“Now,” notes the friend, “all this stuff comes out about sexting. They’re still together, technically, but no idea for how long.”

“She is excited about where her life is right now,” says the friend. “Her new single (“First Love”) is on fire, and her album is about to drop, and she has movies, and hit TV shows (The Fosters) that she’s producing. She couldn’t be in better shape professionally. Personally, it’s a bit more tricky.
How tricky? A second source says, “Put it this way, they were having problems before the sexting. You do the math.”

Of course, this raises the question of who has been having sex with Jennifer Lopez’s boring, old always-been-a-vagina this whole time because clearly it’s not Casper Smart. And before everyone starts yelling Pitbull, I was just about to say that. You never let me finish! *runs away crying*

Photos: Getty, Splash News