The Awards for Horribly Bland Pop Music With A Slight Twang For White Trash To Get Teen Pregnant To were last night, and literally the only thing interesting that happened was Carrie Underwood‘s dress had one of those boob window things and Hayden Panettiere looked kinda hot. Also, Taylor Swift didn’t win a single award for all those songs about Jake Gyllenhaal, so hopefully she learned a valuable lesson about not singing about every time some dude dumps her. We get it, men just want to have sex with you then leave when you bring up marriage. What an entirely unprecedented sequence of events, you special little snowflake.
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