‘Captain America’ Had a Premiere

Captain America, or Captain America: The First Avenger, as absolutely no one is calling it, had its Los Angeles premiere last night and has already won over curmudgeony film critic Jeff Wells who openly dreams of “strafing fanboys” at Comic-Con. So, until I get my review up on Friday because I’m just a simple dick joke peddler left to fend for himself on these mean Internet streets – *adjusts cardboard underwear* – here’s a bunch of Hollywood types on the red carpet including Iron Man, Thor, Black Nick Fury and this chick who has really large breasts that explain all the rave reviews. “While I found the characters loquacious and pedantic, the juxtaposition of them titties make this a cinema tour de force of feel-good patriotism and dashing derring-do bouncin’ all up in my hizzy,” is something that Roger Ebert now wishes he wrote. (I drink your milkshake!)

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Getty, Splash News