Candice Swanepoel is Important

August 11th, 2010 // 133 Comments

Candice Swanepoel helped launch the new Incredible Bra by Victoria’s Secret yesterday, and I honestly don’t know what to say here without turning the site into six months ahead of schedule. So if you don’t mind, I’m going to just quietly sit here muttering “humina humina humina” before biting my fist. *chomp*

That did absolutely nothing. You’ve deceived me again, television!

Photos: Splash News


  1. havefunemily

    emily, don’t let this media crap get to you. The comments are all for fun. Men are not that unrealistically picky in real life (except for a few immature).. People come here just to appreciate perfection like anyone else.

    1) the younger women have been selected and filtered to be advertised. It’s like the NBA / NFL for women. How does the average man compare to an athlete/model/actor ?
    2) these women spend 24/7 taking care just of their bodies, clothes, etcs.. nothing else!
    3) the older or “old news” women, have been photoshopped to death to keep them in the running.
    4) Look your best and more important have a personality. Women with nothing interesting to say get boring after about two weeks.

  2. anonym

    she can use my face as a seat cushion

  3. Candice Swanepoel
    Commented on this photo:

    I would slap that bitch in the face with my cock so many times her new name would be Cock Face.

  4. Candice Swanepoel
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Those boots kick ass, and the woman wearing them is impossibly beautiful.

  5. Vito

    I’m gonna go out on a limb here and conclude that, Photoshop, make-up, and plastic surgery aside, there really is a human being on this earth as fucking gorgeous as this goddess. I’d walk 5 miles barefoot in snow just so I could stand in her shit.**sigh**

  6. Parker

    I want to be her anal avenger. I don’t know what the job involves but if her ass has anything to do with it count me in.

  7. Vito

    Good lord, that’s ridiculous. Try this one instead…

  8. Jim

    How come everyone has to look and act like a skanky slut? There’s no real talent any more in this country. Just a bunch of trashy whores trying to be “models” and “actresses.”

    • Mr. Nice Guy

      WTF, she is a Model. Take your prude ass to some other website asshole.
      FYI, we love sluts, just like your Father. He feel in love with your Mother when she acted like a skanky slut. That is how you got here asshole.

    • bitingontinfoil

      For the simple fact that their only talent is shaking their (relatively) nice ass and implated boobs.

      The fact that most men are about as deep as a puddle and think mostly with their penis doesn’t hurt either.

  9. Candice Swanepoel
    Commented on this photo:

    I want to french kiss her, after she sucks my c0ck after I fvck her in the ass after she takes a dump.

  10. Grace

    Wow, I’m with ya, Emily. And I’m surprised to see the honest responses from men here, too.

      • Becky

        me too

      • Rough, the new blaq

        I am all for the smoke blowing, and kumbaya response of our sweet posters on the Superficial to the “Emily” girl. It’s also important to be aware of how people around you treat you because of a pimple on your face. Human is nasty by nature, unless they want to prove otherwise to their neighbors or if they see a camera near by. My advice is being you, always. Plus learn how to be a girl, smile a lot, and if you’re not beating them off with a two by four, stick with your academics. Some have to pay the bills….

  11. Candice Swanepoel
    Commented on this photo:


    i’m afraid, however, that i’m not at all sold on the bra – just that ass. what the hell were they thinking?

  12. WhitePussyLover

    man would i like to run my tongue through that ass a time or 20

  13. Alli Watermelon

    This girl makes me SICK. Like…in a good way haha

  14. Candice Swanepoel
    Hugh Gentry
    Commented on this photo:

    amazing turd cutter!

  15. Da Troooooof

    She isn’t so great, do your thang Emily I’m sure you are gorgeous!!!

  16. captain america

    ………………DREAM ON!!

  17. Candice Swanepoel
    Commented on this photo:

    Does anyone know the name of the girl on the right?

  18. Candice Swanepoel
    Commented on this photo:

    This pic made my august almost as much as Jillian made my July

  19. temp

    i honestly couldn’t nitpick anything about this girl – she’s so gaaaaaawrgeous. *lady swoon

    to the person who was criticizing her body ratios/proportions – REALLY? really now? i guess in some ways it’s appropriate because she’s a supermodel and they probably strive for perfection, but that’s just a bit far. she’s as close to it as you can get!

  20. Candice Swanepoel
    Commented on this photo:


  21. Garry

    Wow………. Candice is a perfect 10, the one that will be remembered years from now, along with Adriana Lima and (maybe) Selita Ebanks.
    On the other hand Moronda Kerr will be forgotten very fast….. nobody remembers chicks ugly as hell (careful with the following link, especially if you suffer from heart condition LOL).

    • Dude

      Selita Ebanks? Isn’t that the black chick? Eww. Miranda, Candice, and Adriana are the hottest models out there.

      • B.

        Yes, Selita is the very beautiful and sexy black chick.
        Miranda is the one that looks like a troll who was hit in the face with a frying pan and whose jowls are bigger than her tits.

    • fwiw id rather have banner contestant jillian than candace. candice would be taller than me in heels. jillian would still have to look up a little :)

      to any and all emilys in here, if you take anything from this site it should be that the MORE outwardly beautiful you are, the more you’ll be treated like shit by other women and by gay men. who frankly dont matter in your mating game (well unless you’re a dyke or fag hag). but considering all the total fugs out there who are married with children that should tell you that real men are not nearly as superficial as women when it comes to judging the fairer sex. flash a smile in the supermarket, you’ll find more sincerity there.

    • toocutequinn

      What’s wrong with this picture? Sure, it’s an un-airbrushed close-up, but how many of us would look waaaaaay worse under those circumstances?! I think if they had reputations for being supreme bitches, I’d think they were uglier, but they seem nice and they’re pretty, so I don’t get all the criticism!

  22. Candice Swanepoel
    Commented on this photo:

    sdf, you should write erotica–that statement of yours would make Anais Nin proud.

  23. Ninny

    So, where’s the bra?

  24. It is very usefull information for every one.

  25. They Call Me The Butthole Kid

    Ahh, shamelessly posing in a one-piece, hot pants suit. Models have no class. Plus, this girls ass is actually quite flat. She is just giving the illusion that it is big by sticking it out and curving her back. Look at other pictures on the web of her. She has absolutely no ass.

  26. bitingontinfoil

    Wow, unfortunately, this site has gone waaaaaaaay downhill as of late. Lucky to have it updated once a day and the captions are seeming rather forced and, well, just not *funny*. Too bad.

  27. Candice Swanepoel
    Commented on this photo:

    I found a great site,” MYDISCOUNTBAG ” on googlek,only $98,get Designer Luxury H a n d b a g s as Lo u is V uit ton, Ch a nel

  28. Candice Swanepoel
    Crabby Old Guy
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh HELL TO THE YES on that rear! In the immortal words of the great ancient philosopher, “Lou Grant”, “You could crack an egg on that fanny!”

  29. Candice Swanepoel
    Commented on this photo:

    Why is this girl not walking around clad in a Supergirl or Black Canary outfit?

  30. Candice Swanepoel
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like the other girl…Doutzen Kroes(?).

  31. Candice Swanepoel
    markus wallett
    Commented on this photo:

    An arse to bury your face in.

  32. TS

    That is possibly the best ass on the planet. One of the hottest chicks I have ever seen.

  33. Candice Swanepoel
    Commented on this photo:


  34. Candice Swanepoel
    Commented on this photo:

    OMGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD…..this girl is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fucking hot, its just not right that I will never ever ever have a girl that hot. Can you imagine (if your girlfriend isnt this hot, if she is I fucking hate you too) waking up to this in the morning and just leaningover and kissing that amazing ass and her laughing in that cute little voice and telling you she wants you NOW!!!!! THUMP…..Sorry I fell out if my chair and had a heart attack for a second. All you dorks who thank she is too thin or not hot enough for some bullshit reason are just fucking stupid..Even the gay dudes would say this chick is hot and she might even turn some of them straight just for a crack at that azz… I have to relube now and finish with the rest of the pages.

    Cracker Out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  35. Candice Swanepoel
    Commented on this photo:

    All I can say is she is absolutely PERFECT !

  36. Candice Swanepoel
    Commented on this photo:

    Spank and eat.

  37. Candice Swanepoel
    Commented on this photo:

    The mold has to have a recast to keep duplicating such beautiful awe inspiring smiles!!!

  38. reality

    she’s taking Megan fox’s place…

  39. Candice Swanepoel
    Commented on this photo:

    candice swanepoel is nothing other than a slutty racist south african whore!

  40. Nice ass, but a troll face.

  41. Candice Swanepoel
    Commented on this photo:

    Maybe she should launch some push-up underwear next.

  42. Candice Swanepoel
    Commented on this photo:

    Daaaamn…screw this Candice chick, I want the chunky-thighed cutiepie on the right!

  43. toocutequinn

    I’m a girl, and I don’t know much about Candice Swanepoel, but I thought those nude photos were fantastic! She was so proportionate, just a lovely shape. Very uniquely beautiful. You can’t be jealous when someone is just that pretty.

  44. Candice Swanepoel
    Commented on this photo:

    Well said yourstupid…..

    I think my heart literally stopped from pic #s 8 – 11 – 12


    I don’t think my girlfriend likes that I have somehow memorized the names of Allessandra Ambrosio, Rosie Huntington-Whitely, Candice Swanepoel, Miranda Kerr, Adriana Lima….basically every Victoria’s Secret model…..and they are NOT easy names to remember.

  45. Candice Swanepoel
    Commented on this photo:

    Her ass is shaped perfectly for my cock!

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