“How was my day? Oh, the usual. Stood around staring into Victoria’s Secret models asses with a smirk on my face. Same old, same old.”
I make a lot of jokes about stereotypes: Women are terrible drivers, black people love fried chicken, Republicans are all secretly homosexuals, Eskimos covet our gratuitous access to fleece, etc. But the one stereotype I conveniently avoid is how men are huge fucking whiners because, my god, are we babies. And that’s how you trap us. (Write that one down.) So here’s Candice Swanepoel in a bikini to compensate for the man-meat I’ve been tossing the ladies – and gentleman callers – all week. If this was an orgy, I just reached around all of you because that’s how deep I love. That’s how deep.