Can We Get DMX in on This Katy Perry/Taylor Swift Feud?

Katy Perry’s PR team must send her a basket of bubble gum lotion once a week to keep playing along with this Taylor Swift feud she has going. If anyone hasn’t noticed, T. Swift has yet to say a word about Katy Perry’s most recent song, “Swish Swish”, but her friends are calling it for what it is… a shitty song.

Now KP just appeared on James Corden and burped about how all Swift needs to do is apologize and we will all be spared the daily blabbering from their stupid feud over goddamn backup dancers. Instead of waiting around for Taylor Swift to save Katy Perry from embarrassing herself further, I propose that someone find a coked-up DMX to roll up on the two on an ATV and call them on their bullshit. DMX is the most terrifying conversationalist on the planet after one cup of coffee; catch him around three in the afternoon after he chased a ham sandwich with an eight ball of coke and he’s a goddamn marauder.

*X rolls up on his ATV and jumps off before it comes to a stop, sending the ATV exploding into a wall.*

X: It’s the DOG! *does a bump of coke and barks* WHAAT!
T. Swift: She stole my backup dancers like five years ago.
X: WHAAT!
KP: She made a song about how we have bad blood.
X: WHAAT!
TS: She still won’t apologize for that so I tried to make one… but it’s a horrible song.
X: WHAAT!
KP: Is that all you’re going to do is just yell?
TS: You’re sweating, like, a lot…

dmx insta

KP: He’s starting to scare me, but he’s right. Taylor- I’m sorry for making such a big deal about this.
TS: Me too, let’s just get out of here… he smells like gasoline…

*The world needs more DMX*