Cameron Diaz not dating John Mayer

The Superficial / August 28, 2007

Despite recent reports that Cameron Diaz was getting close with Rumplestilskin John Mayer, E! Online’s Watch with Kristin says that Cameron is now dating Bradley Cooper:

Sources close to Bradley and Cameron Diaz tell me that the two have been dating the past couple weeks. Pretty adorable, no? Bradley’s rep insists that it is “not true” that the two are dating. However, insiders tell me that Cameron and Bradley have been busy sending flirty text messages to each other throughout the day and spending quite a bit of time together. This news comes on the heels of rumors in recent months regarding Cam’s post-Justin love life, including rumblings that she was romantically tied to Criss Angel, David de Rothschild and John Mayer.

From here on out, everyday you wake up, just assume that Cameron Diaz is dating a new person. How does she do it? Alcohol. Gallons upon gallons of alcohol. She funnels it into these poor bastards until they find her somewhat do-able. Of course this doesn’t always work because her face could sober up a wino. I saw it happen once. The guy owns a Starbucks now. He may suffer from incurable night terrors, but at least he’s off the streets.