Cameron Diaz recently woke up and decided that she had the authority to arbitrarily call all British people “incestuous,” and so she did:
“I saw 10 minutes of Love Actually the other day and I was like, ‘Oh my God, he’s in love with his friend’s wife!’ And I also have English friends – every time I show up, that person is with that person and that person is now with that person. I don’t get it.”
I’m sorry, did Cameron Diaz get some sort of Anthropology degree while I was taking a leak? Because if watching one thirteenth of a movie two years ago makes her a doctor, then I want everyone to call me Pontiff. And all my decrees will be based on scenes from Notting Hill. And for my first order of business: I’m just a Pope, standing in front of a mind-numbingly stupid actress, asking her to shut up before I punch her in the neck with my Pope Ring.