Because A-Rod clearly prefers a strong, unyielding arm up the anus, here’s a ripped Cameron Diaz leaving a Venice Beach gym yesterday. Unfortunately for her, I can see the semblance of a breast so this relationship was doomed before it even began. It’s a hard truth, but someone has to tell her before she spends another night packing sand in her vagina and building up the courage to eat a small African child. Not that she should feel bad or anything because we all do crazy shit for love. I spent most of 2009 pretending to be a bottle of Canadian Club in Don Draper’s office. — To attract chicks! Women. God, I love them and those things they have in places, all thinging around.