Call In Sick: Miley Cyrus Is Reinventing Herself Again

In a new interview with Billboard, Miley is lubing us up for her big comeback to musicland. She’ll be forcefully inserting her new single, “Malibu”, into our Apple earbutts next week and it’s nice that she gave us a heads up instead of leaving us totally blindsided by another diaper porn. This time she’s going country… again… not really- but I think she really wants to be more approachable by the 46.1% of American zombies who like Blake Shelton.

I’m down for hanging with Blake [Shelton]. I actually want to take advantage of the fact that he’s there, [because] his fans don’t really take me seriously as a country artist,” she said. “One, I haven’t given them that music. But I’ve got a tattoo of Johnny Cash’s autograph that he gave me when I was a little girl that says, ‘I’m in your corner.’ Dolly Parton is my f**king godmother. The fact that country music fans are scared of me, that hurts me. All the nipple pastie s**t, that’s what I did because I felt it was part of my political movement, and that got me to where I am now. I’m evolving, and I surround myself with smart people that are evolved.

There you have it, Miley is claiming her throne as the mulletspawn-princess of country music because Johnny Cash drunkenly gave her an autograph and Dolly Parton sends her a card on her birthday with $20 cash in it every year. Sound logic from someone who’s last tour was roving sex-toy expo, but all that’s over- she’s just like you and me…

I love talking to people, and I approach them in a normal, ‘Don’t treat me different, ’cause I’m not’ way. That’s what started this evolution for me, getting out of my Dead Petz phase… People stare at me anyway, but people stare at me a lot when I’m dressed as a f**king cat… I like talking to people that don’t agree with me, but I don’t think I can do that in an aggressive way. I don’t think those people are going to listen to me when I’m sitting there in nipple pasties, you know?

Oh, she also stopped smoking weed because she needs to stay sharp.

I like to surround myself with people that make me want to get better, more evolved, open,” she said. “And I was noticing, it’s not the people that are stoned. I want to be super clear and sharp, because I know exactly where I want to be.

Miley Cyrus And Her Dead Petz Perform At The Wiltern

Hopefully she didn’t get rid of this friend… Whatever her next “image” may be, I hope she never stops sucking down farts from giant trannys dressed like care-bears. Personally, I prefer the pansexual baby-fetish version of Miley. It keeps me young…