Calista Flockhart might be Gollum

February 10th, 2006 // 141 Comments

cflockhart-old.jpgIn case you’ve ever entertained thoughts of dating Harrison Ford, let this be a lesson to you all. If I didn’t tell you that this thing used to be Calista Flockhart I know you wouldn’t have guessed it. Instead, you probably would have left some comments asking why I was posting pictures of strange sewer creatures. And then I’d make up some terrible lie about starting a sewer creature fan club, but eventually you’d find out it was actually Calista Flockhart and we’d have a big fight because I lied to you, and trust is the only thing we have in this world, baby.

As unhealthy as she looked as a stick, it was still way more appealing than this. A plate of monkey feces is more appealing than this.



  1. There’s no way in hell that’s her

  2. asmith

    Oh, god….ick! She looked better when she was 57 pounds!

  3. she looks like master splinter.

  4. richelle

    ha hah h ha ha hah ah ah a ha

  5. Binky

    If that’s her – she’s got to stop eating again.
    (But I think that’s gal who’s been running off with the carts at my Safeway.)

  6. LaydeeBug

    Hell way yes, that’s her. She looks exactly the same ‘cept for some reason she’s all puffy. She’s three days younger than Teri Hatcher. I always thought she looked like some kind of starved little bird with her pinched nose. Well, it looks like she finally ate something.

  7. SAPPY14

    she looks like a frightening little elfkin.

    OR, doesn’t she kind of look like those really scary mice from the movie witches, where they run around eating things? i feel like she’s going to open her mouth and there will be these tiny little teeth and she’s going to start gnawing on cheese. or wood. or hopefully not harrison fords weenie.

  8. Zed

    This is a picture of her mother, right? Her mother, not her?

    I’m just going to lie to myself and tell myself that it’s her mother or that she was having a very, very, very bad day of bloating. And forgot her makeup. That’s the ticket–she FORGOT to put on makeup. Or comb her hair. Or, or, or ….

    I’m just so depressed.

  9. CoJo

    She looks like she can be a spokesperson for the “I used to have an eating disorder and look what it’s done to my face” association.

  10. Kim

    You can look at it two ways: Either Calista looks disgusting or Rachel Dratch is looking better than ever!

  11. thenewjesus

    actually i think superficial got it perfect. the way she’s staring at the camera you can FEEL her going, prrreecioussssss…

  12. Solaera

    Whoa! WTF? She looks older than he does and he’s like, what? 21 years older? That’s just plain sad.

  13. bjpack

    So she was the one trailing Jessica Simpson.

  14. Jomairy Ochoa

    well for the first time i actually feel bad for a celebrity’s hideousness. How old is she now like 50?

    she looks so cold and dead. eek!

  15. Jomairy Ochoa

    umm..*scratch*… hideousness even a real world?

  16. mikeski

    Hideosity, then.

    Maybe this is what happens when you kiss Lucy Liu.

  17. Kg

    This is why celebrity-women don’t eat, people

  18. collslee

    This goes out as a warning to all you ladies — this is what happens when one swallows sperm from an aging movie stars or rich men. 100-year-old men’s sperm not only makes you gain massive amounts of weight, but also ages you. Three words, Anna Nicole Smith (back in her J. Howard Marshall days).

  19. Jonboy in SF

    See what Harrison Ford’s ancient love juice is doing to her? It’s aging her rapidly from inside out. Ewwwwww! Oddly I heard that Harrison is really a big stoner…maybe this pic was taken just after she got high with him and ate a bunch of Ho-Hos. Asmith you’re right…she looked better as a stick.

  20. 5paniard

    Yikes! some sort of wax rodent ate calista flockhart…well at least harrison ford is going to die soon

  21. Haroof

    See, that’s what taking an old sausage will do to you.

    Can’t believe she actually used to be semi-hot back in the Ally McBeal days.

  22. LaydeeBug

    Her pinched mouth and nose remind me of a mean grade school teacher. All she needs is the half glasses.

  23. Allie D.

    Her skin looks like freshly stirred Bisquick dough. Someone pass the butter and jam!!

  24. chubby_cheekums

    I’m not sure that she’s actually fat. Just puffy and really, really ugly. She doesn’t look fat at all in recent pix.

  25. Jimmy Jamm

    It looks like the love child of a three way between Ozzy Ozbourne, Calista Flockhart, and Gollum

  26. gsprescueguy

    Holy crap, I thought it was Tanya Harding!!!

    Hey, where are the new Tanya Harding/Jabba the Hutt pics?

  27. Joe Mamma

    Damn! I would have neer told he she needed a sandwich if I knew that was what it would do to her.

    I’d say she looks like shit, but shit might be insulted.

  28. Allie D.

    Oh and you know, there is just something poetically justified in seeing celebrities without their makeup on. I’m thrilled, actually… lol


    She’s never been very cute. Okay, she was once kinda cute. ehhh.. Meh.

  30. maiira

    You know, I never really found Calista Flockhart attractive in the first place, but DAMN. This just takes the cake.

  31. L.ronhubbard

    Who dug up Ray Walston?

  32. hermanita


  33. mamasita


  34. I don’t know what the hell you all are talking about, I think she hasn’t looked this good since she played “Granny” on the Beverly Hillbillies

  35. DonLes91

    I can’t believe this is Ally Mc freakin Beal.

  36. hotwax

    Jowels, people, she has jowels! Like a bulldog or something .. I have to go scratch my eyeballs out now, thx.

  37. escapevelocity

    the only way that could be calista flockheart is if harrison ford murdered her, invaded her body and used it as a bodysuit.

  38. MystressJade

    She looks alot like Montgomery Burns from the Simpsons….

    Not the Jess Simpsons…or maybe…

  39. LaydeeBug

    Eeeexcellent…..(rubs hands together maniacally)

  40. Go Sip

    What the F happened to her? She has the body of a pre-pubescent twelve year old boy and the face of Gollum. My God she is aging in dog years, who the hell is her make up artist? Because if that is Calista without make up, that woman deserves an award. Calista should be pictured “before” and “after” shots on this womans business card.

  41. escapevelocity

    #41: heyyy, gollum IS NOT fat! hmpfft. =p

  42. PapaHotNuts

    Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to gouge out your eyeballs with a Dorito. I was eating a delicious Cool Ranch Dorito when I saw this, an some kind of primal self-preservation instinct took over and I removed my eyeballs with whatever what was in my hand- a dorito. All you guys reading this, realize that with enough make-up and a sun-tan, that ugly bitch at the end of the bar could look like a celebrity. ‘Cause with those things, most celebs aren’t that cute. So go ahead and fuck her.

  43. SMF121490

    Someone call her make-up person. She could really use her/him. After this photo maybe Calista should travel everywhere 24/7 with her.

  44. tis GLAM

    what a beauty!!

  45. ShanDourdan

    I saw a picture of her a few weeks ago and, dare I say it, she looked good. But this?. This is someone getting prepared for Halloween waay too early. No need to frighten the kids Calista.

  46. Akapee

    I can’t believe this is her real face. She might be made up for some weird movie/tv role. This is the Calista we all know

  47. That’s Tracy Ullman, not Callista, no way.

  48. bone_daddio

    can u say, “methamphetamine addict” –> i knew u could!

  49. TG

    aw come on – it’s called getting old. it ain’t THAT bad. someone caught her at an off moment

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