Calista Flockhart is looking weird

July 24th, 2006 // 112 Comments

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This is what happens when you don’t work for five years and let Harrison Ford date you. Who needs makeup when you’re going out with a 60-year-old. Looking even remotely attractive risks giving him a heart attack. Or maybe having his arm break off in a cloud of dust.

More of Calista looking peculiar after the jump.


  1. Babydoll

    She reminds me of Rocky Dennis…

  2. oh ladies, please learn from this. Never leave home without your eyebrows.

    OK I am going to stop saying such terrible things — but where are all my stories? If I can’t read stuff, I get bored and I have to comment. Sometimes I even end up reading PerezHilton. Someone help me.

  3. Jacq

    She looks like the beast from the TV show Beauty and the Beast that Linda Hamilton did ages ago.

    HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY! Smile, bi-acha!

  4. Italian Stallion

    Her face is scary. In all honesty it’s krusty like MeganHarris’ and it frightens me……………

  5. Jacq

    #38 – Yes, I must agree with you that was a really stupid post. And no, you didn’t come off as anything other than really stupid.

  6. pinky_nip

    If ugliness were bricks, she’d be the great wall of China.

  7. jrzmommy

    When the fuck did she get so fat? Well, guess we gotta cross her off the old Celebrity Anorexia Death Pool. Why does she look so pissed off? She should be happy someone wants to take her picture now that Ally McBeal has been off the air for, what, 10 years now! I wish she’d catch anorexia again and go starve somewhere.

  8. jrzmommy

    38–How incredibly stupid.

  9. YouWannaBMe

    I just want to take this opportunity to say to the Superfish guy that You’re slacking, big time. Only two posts in the past day and a half and this is what we get? Calista Flockhart? She’s already off of the celebrity radar, so it’s no wonder she looks like she does. She looks normal because that’s what she is now, normal. She has no career. Hopefully you’ll be able to find some “good stuff” that doesn’t include Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, or Lindsay Blohan….

  10. Fisher55

    that’s not ally mcbeal, that’s meredith grey (duh)

  11. Jacq

    Where in the hell are these people hanging out that they are wearing sweaters in the middle of JULY?!?! I know I’m in Texas and it gets hot here like nobody’s business, but these people are in the same cities as the bikini posts (if not far from them). Are they really so fucking skinny that they’re freezing?

  12. Icognito79

    This is actually what people start to look like after not eating for 10 years.

  13. Bugman4045

    Seriously, That puffy look comes from one thing…long term alcohol abuse. Calista needs to get to a meeting.

  14. jrzmommy

    61–totally. I mean, isn’t California in the throes of a wicked heatwave? How old is this picture? Unless it was taken in like, I don’t know…Greenland or some shit. Maybe she’s at the same place Katie Holmes was photographed in last week in HER sweater and jeans and tennys.

  15. Italian Stallion

    I wonder when her birthday is, I want to send her a “Pale is the new tan” shirt……………

  16. jane's eyre

    @64 Yes, it is. I feel like passing out just looking at her. It’s so freaking humid too, I feel like I’m in Georgia or something.

  17. pinky_nip

    I think this happens when you drink 63 year old semen. That shit can’t “keep” forever… it does have a shelf-life, right?

  18. Jacq

    @64, 66 – Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather see her in a sweater than a bikini. I would sooner die than slip into some cashmere right now. I guess sweaters are the new black.

  19. twzzlrgirl

    #38 — it can’t be one of those cameras that takes a picture every second. You can see she’s walking — her legs are moving but her face looks the same.

    And it cracks me up when people sign on and defend the celebrities. We’re here to bash people who think they are so much better than the rest of us, but aren’t. It makes our boring existences seem more bearable.

  20. jrzmommy

    Well, since there aren’t any interesting new posts, here are some things to chatter about….David Hasselhoff is set to star in an Australian theatrical production

  21. I take a break from work, come home to check some internet, and THIS is the thanks I get? Fuck you Superfish, fuck you in your stupid ass.

    Hey, everyone complaining about the heat, it is 69 here, and not getting hotter than 75….hahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

    67 pinky nip (mmmm, nipples)

    It’s a well known fact that young semen is good for the complexion, stands to reason that old man sperm will try and eat your face to stay alive for another week or 2. That’s why women should only let me cum on your faces….it’s SOOOOO good for you!

  22. pop

    i’d rather hit gollum and harrison ford at the same time then that withered piece of ass….

  23. Nikk The Templar

    She looks angry….

  24. jane's eyre

    Screw you, Tranny. Come here so I can shake some sweat on you.

  25. Mr. Fritz

    She looks like that freak from Beauty and The Beast:

    Does anyone remember that show? It sucked big hairy cock, like our friend T.C.

  26. Jacq

    #75 – I remembered it in post #53.

  27. Jacq

    P.S. Oops – posted too fast…
    Whenever I mention that show, when I see someone who looks like the beast, everyone always looks at me funny. Then, they claim that they have no idea what I’m talking about. Thanks for being with me proving the show did, in fact, happen.

  28. hopeless_screenwriter

    @71 hysterical as usual. I gave a sorority chick her first facial on Saturday and at first she was like, “ewww I can’t believe you just did that to me”, but after she washed it off her face she was like, “wow, I never thought my skin could feel so soft.” And I was like, “Fuck yeah! Now make me a sandwich.”

    I would be happy to blow a copious load on Calista’s face, and I bet she can make a good samwich.

    P.s. Ladies. For greater silky smoothness, let the cum set for 15 minutes. Rinse and repeat if necessary.

    Here’s to your gorgeous face.


  29. Fugurself

    It’s her inner-glow that makes her so lovely.
    That warm and compassionate glitter in her eye; the caring, slow smile.
    It’s the intelligent forehead, the high cheekbones, the sensual line of her jaw.
    Oops. Sorry, I was looking at a picture of Francis, the talking mule wearing a
    blonde wig and cocktail dress drag.

  30. Sheva

    Look she’s not angry, she’s just devoid of expression due to lack of alcohol, eyebrows and bong hits.

    She’ll have it all squared away by 11:30 am. Okay, not the eyebrows.

  31. jane's eyre

    Check out Lindsay in her underwear, silver flats and aviator sunglasses. Beware, you’ve never seen her freckles like this before!

  32. Calista’s looking weird? When hasn’t she looked weird? She singlehandedly started the Auschwitz look back in the ’90′s and perfected the trout-lipped pout that Meg Ryan loved so much she surgically butchered her face to copy. Calista always looked like a Wednesday fuck – good for middle of the week nookie, but you don’t know the bitch come Friday night. And she was soooo thin that it appeared one would crack her pelvis like a crab leg should they fuck her proper, or their prick would get cheesegrated down to a nub on her cervix. And Harrison Ford’s got as bad a taste in women as Bill Clinton. The guy’s the #1 box office star in history, could have any actress in Hollywood, and he takes the one that has the body of a 13 year old Vietnamese boy.

  33. Jacq

    Tell us, Unwashed, how do you REALLY feel? Don’t hold back.

  34. francesfarmer

    @52 Januaryanne – for Gods sake don’t read Perez Hilton, staring at Gollum’s face for a whole day is better than that fat paris loving faggot

  35. francesfarmer

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  36. francesfarmer

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  37. francesfarmer

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  38. @78 – Although I do enjoy the occasional facial, I believe in swallowing because cum is best for the skin if it works from the inside a vitamin. That’s what I attribute my gorgeous skin to….

  39. pinky_nip

    I know I’ve been a very bad girl, but do I have to be punished by looking at this bocci-ball head all day? What’s next, piping “Butterfly Kisses” over the sound system at work all day?


  40. @84 – You can’t blame her…stay on this site long enough without an update and you’ll end up talking to yourself like Smeagol.

    Why do you cry Smeagol?

  41. biatcho

    So has anyone taken the “Are you a good Kisser” test that keeps popping up on here?
    I am so afraid to because after 18 years of kissing I just don’t think i quite have the hang of it yet and I’ll be goddamned if some computer is going to tell me I kiss like a wet dog. fuck that bitch.

  42. jane's eyre

    Cruel men hurts us. Master tricks us.

    Of course he did. I TOLD you he was tricksy, I TOLD you he was false.

  43. tati

    you cant tell her age by looking at her, she’s ageless. the kind of person that looks like ‘an old person wanting to look young at the age of 30′ forever.
    how old IS she?

  44. Zanna

    @92 – it makes me feel SO much better to know I’m not the only DORK around here. ; )

    Check this out Jayne, it’s fucking HYSTERICAL:

    And to further my dorkiness I will say this to 93:

    You see 30′s? I see the Borg Queen.

  45. Mr. Fritz

    Hey Jacq, glad to help you feel less paranoid. I never saw a complete episode of that show, but it left a freaky impression on me. Calista never did it for me, I like a woman who looks like a woman and not a lollipop.

  46. jane's eyre

    Ha ha, Zanna, that was funny! My husband pleaded his way into buying a $550 storm trooper armor kit for Halloween. So we’re pretty much a family of dorks. Yup.

  47. jane's eyre

    @97 LMAO! Eeeee…

    He had a little too much Jager in him.

  48. saintmaybe

    Is someone implying that she doesn’t always look weird?

  49. Zanna

    @98 – Is there such a thing as having too much Jager?

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