Bruce Willis Knocked Up His Wife

October 26th, 2011 // 65 Comments

While Ashton Kutcher‘s wayward wang continues to remind Demi Moore she’s going to die much, much sooner than him, I’m talking decades earlier, her ex Bruce Willis is on the complete opposite end of the marriage spectrum where he’s celebrating the miracle of life by putting a baby in his wife Emma Heming, according to Life & Style:

Life & Style can exclusively reveal that Bruce and his wife, Emma Heming, are expecting a child.

“Emma is showing!” an insider exclusively confirms to Life & Style.

Keep in mind Bruce Willis is 56, so he’ll be seventy-fucking-five when this kid graduates high school which has to be awesome for a young adult looking for some parental support before striking out on his/her own. “Hey, dad, did you watch me get my diploma?” “I have angina and it hurts to see.”

Photos: Getty

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  1. Richard McBeef

    Bruce knocked up his wife? Let’s hope this isn’t just another rumer.

  2. DrunkRussian

    56 and he could kick all of our asses.

    AND his wife’s hot as fuck.

    AND back in the day he fucked Cybill Shepherd, who in turn fucked Elvis when she was Miss Tennessee. And Elvis fucked Ann-Margret!

    So any way you slice it, Bruce is like a fucking god. Fuckin’-A

  3. Let me scout out the situation and report back.

    .

  4. cc

    Look at him standing there ‘My wife’s pregnant already and I’m stuck with this boner.’

  5. JPC

    Hopefully this time, if it’s a girl, she will actually receive some of her mother’s genes. I really do not need to see another girl with the Willis chin.

  6. LegMan

    Why would he want to ruin her sensational body?

    • It’s what hot chicks do. Being sexy is too much work, so they get pregnant and then live off the fumes of “used to be hot” for the rest of their lives while salving their ego with “I’m a mommy now”.

      • LegMan

        He should have capped that thing first.

      • MJB

        I know it’s a novel concept but some people want to have kids with their spouses.
        And even if she gains 30 lbs, she’ll still be hotter than Bruce.
        It’s not like she can’t lose the pregnancy weight after the baby arrives.

    • right

      The answer is simple. Its golddiger 101. Find the richest guy you can, crap out a baby. Two babies is even better. Hire nannies and live off the child support once you get traded in for the younger piece he goes to.

  7. good roughing speaks for itself

    He knocked up Emma Triming, the real Miss Tahiti? I see old habits die hard for Mr Willis.

  8. Bruce Willis Wife Pregnant Emma Heming
    Bob
    Commented on this photo:

    nom nom nom nom

  9. This will push Demi over the edge.

  10. She’s been training for this even by learning to pass a boat anchor through her vagina.

  11. “Dammit woman, stop sucking up to the cameras! I’ve really got to pee!”

  12. Bruce Willis Wife Pregnant Emma Heming
    jasmine
    Commented on this photo:

    You think she married him and had a kid with him to see Bruce at 75 raising his high school kid? Now that the baby’s on the way…she can start planning her escape.

  13. In Bruce’s defense… actually, fuck that. What an idiot.

    And there was today’s attempt at being nice.

  14. Clarence Beeks

    Hopefully this genetic mix with be better. Those Willis daughters are scary ugly.

  15. David Bowie

    Tiny little bald man, national joke…. The “tough guy” everybody laughs at… they all just wish he’d die.

  16. Dan

    Good job Bruce!

  17. maybe the odds are his his favor with this one that the kid won’t have a face like an anvil

  18. Schmidtler

    Isn’t it just great that women are golddigging whores? If that were not so, what chance would a short old bald jackass like Bruce Willis have with a young hottie like this? At least us guys can hold on to that slim hope that we might hit the lotto or inherit a giant fortune, then hand it all over to some hot young snatch for acting as if they like us for a while.

    • MJB

      As long as there are shallow, dirty old men with money, there will always be equally shallow golddiggers. Demand meets supply.

      • Venom

        Well said MJB. lol

      • Anon

        I know that almost all you commenters are going to point out, “You’re on the Superficial, what do you expect?” But really, sometimes you are really lame. What’s so unbelievably crazy about a celebrity having a mutually happy relationship? I don’t know about Bruce and his wife, but they seem happy, and it goes beyond just them. Not everything’s about money. I come from a rich family, and my boyfriend a very poor one. It doesn’t make a difference.

        Also, about the “why would he want to make her get fat?” comments… what MJB said. Some men actually love their wives for more than their bodies, and want to have a family. If you can’t or won’t grasp that, then I feel sorry for you.

    • kimmykimkim

      Schmidtler, I promise that if you weren’t such an insufferable asshole and maybe had an ounce of charm and respect for women, your broke fat ass could maybe get a decent girl. Or you can just continue kidnapping and collecting them.

    • Who's short?

      I don’t know if Bruce Willis is a jackass or not, but he is sure NOT short at all. Chances are he is taller than you, since the average height of adult american males is 5ft 9 and he is 6ft tall.

  19. So, Pippa likes the bald guys.

  20. Cock Dr

    Bruce continues his DNA experiments. Well, he has the money; good luck with that.

  21. Pippy Longcockings

    Well he doesn’t have to look so fucking smug about it!

    • Schmidtler

      his entire career is being smug.
      does that dress have some kind of optical illusion thing going on, that seems to be forcing me to look straight at her vagina? good god, she’s hot.

  22. dontkillthemessenger

    If he wasn’t hitting that raw, then what the hell was the point of marrying her?

  23. Mighty Thor

    I miss the days when short, bald men were mocked and ridiculed the way God intended.

    • Who's short?

      Short? Chances are he is taller than you, since the average height of adult american males is 5ft 9 and he is 6ft tall.

  24. forrest gump

    explanation?
    ……..HIS EGO MUST BE TINY, folks.

    (so is his penis)

  25. TomFrank

    Sooo…48 comments, and not one about the translucence of her dress. My God, what’s happened to the people on this site? Have we become so catty and so jaded that we can’t stop to admire a pair of breasts that stand out and say “Hi!” to us?

  26. Bruce Willis Wife Pregnant Emma Heming
    Lala
    Commented on this photo:

    you can see through that shit!!1

  27. Pokemon Mon

    His sperm’s WAAAAAY too old. It’s no good after 40. Autism risk is like 50% higher with older fathers.

  28. tlmck

    Is it just me, or does she look a bit like a young Demi Moore?

  29. Bruce Willis Wife Pregnant Emma Heming
    amir
    Commented on this photo:

    …and so would I!

  30. Bruce Willis Wife Pregnant Emma Heming
    Commented on this photo:

    whats with the weird standing leg cross and the hand in the crotch? does he have to pee really bad?

    btw…she’s hot….

  31. Rob

    Its just you. new wife kicks old wifes ass in hotness

  32. asianchicslookthesame

    There is nothing special about this plain Jane other than she is not an out and out pig-no tits, no spectacular ass, generic Asian looking face. No one would kick her out of the bed but face it, she is not all that, not striking or smoking hot gorgeous, just average.

    Also whats up with the pansy ass side step going on with baldy? Does he have a boner? Need to pee? That just looks strange.

  33. sue

    Demi Moore! You are a great mum to your three daughters, You should feel proud being cheated by your men. They are losers Cheers Demi!

  34. Gothikarose

    Eww

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