Bruce Willis Told Demi Moore To Go To Rehab, She Chose Penis Cake And Whip-Its

February 3rd, 2012 // 32 Comments
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Shortly before Demi Moore somehow found herself in the hospital after sucking back whip-its and K2 Spice on a stomach full of nothing but Red Bulls, Bruce Willis reportedly urged her to go to rehab. So just assume that conversation involved both of their daughters looking like the goddamn Elephant Man so they’ve been through enough. People reports:

“He was worried about her and wanted her to get better,” says the source. “Many of her friends did the same thing, but she just wouldn’t listen.”

And by just wouldn’t listen, they mean got shitfaced drunk with Miley Cyrus and watched her eat a penis cake because Demi’s so young, you guys. For real, people think her and Rumer are twins. Fraternal, obviously, but still twins. Via TMZ:

Demi Moore partied under the radar at Miley Cyrus’ BF’s birthday bash in L.A. … you know, the one with the penis cake … more evidence that Demi was desperately clinging on to her fading youth.
Multiple sources who were at Club Icon on January 14 tell us … Demi was hanging out with her daughter Rumer and some young friends … mostly kickin’ it in the VIP section.
We’re told Demi was drinking Red Bull all night … a drink she’s been obsessively sucking down for years. We’re told she left with Rumer sometime after midnight.
A few days later, Demi was seen clubbing with Rumer around Hollywood … and on January 23rd, she was hospitalized after inhaling nitrous.

So basically the moral of the story is, Demi Moore is weak sauce and can’t hang. Because, seriously, if you’re going to party with your kids, at least have the courtesy not to stroke out. That’s the important lesson here. Maintain your shit.

Photos: Getty,


  1. Bruce Willis… doing his best “satisfied ex-husband” look.

  2. FattyFatty2X4

    I’m a straight man and I’d choose a penis cake

  3. JC

    I was going to ask what kid wants to go clubbing with her mom, but then I remembered Rumer’s face. She’s probably just hoping to pick up Demi’s sloppy seconds.

  4. Ioink

    Actually I would love to go party with my mom but she’s more the housewife kind, even though she looks young she doesn’t drink or smoke or anything. She just loves gossip. Quite boring
    I would party with Demi Moore

  5. pretty vacant

    one thing in rumers favor is that she got her hair gene from demi.

  6. Whoopi

    …and Ashton Kutcher says what?

  7. Coka Colla

    She tried to kill herself.

  8. Posterity

    I hope to dear God someone is filming all this.

  9. “Because, seriously, if you’re going to party with your kids, at least have the courtesy to not stroke out.”

    That’s why I come here every day, Fish, you madman, you.

  10. Bruce Willis
    Commented on this photo:

    You’ve evolved wonderfully, Mr.Willis. You’re now a spitting image of my old drama teacher.

  11. forrest gump

    this is an old tramp in a “Downfall”.

  12. The Royal Penis

    It’s so much easier for men in Hollywood to age well and score young poon than it is for cougar milf’s…kinda sad in a way.

    I think Demi was trying to pull a Bruce and it all spiraled out of control….probably started around the time the boy toy started banging age appropriate chicks. She’d have been better off to do the Mrs. Smith thing for a while and then settle down with an attractive and rich older man.

    • Dan

      “It’s so much easier for men in Hollywood to age well and score young poon than it is for cougar milf’s…kinda sad in a way.”

      It is pretty much like that everywhere… it is just how it works.

      • Zhenya

        Errr…really?? Because I live and work in one of the larger cities on the West Coast, and most of the middle-aged and older men I see aren’t attractive or sporting beautiful younger women on their arms (or elsewhere, for that matter). Come to think of it, there’s no surplus of attractive YOUNG men, either.

        I realize my standards may be out of whack because I’m a former hottie blessed with a brain, but I remember looking at men over forty when I was in my 20′s and thinking “ew, please don’t talk to me.” Sure, I might have accepted a ride in a Ferrari, but then laughed with my friends about its owner’s bald head/big gut/would-be mack daddy banter. I guess I will just have to be the one to say it – - the Emperor has no clothes, and guys don’t retain their hotness any more than women do as they age. Maybe less so, because they tend to be such dumb asses.

        Side note: Cock Dr. be funny.

  13. That photo of Demi and Miley sticking their tongues out at that African American Penis Cake is just too bizarre!

  14. Bruce Willis
    Commented on this photo:

    Bruce seen wearing the latest from the Yasser Arafat Spring collection.

  15. King Diamond

    Hey! Its that bald chick from Sex and the City (or whatever its called???)

  16. EricLr

    Oh, NOW he’s trying to act like a decent father, and pretend that he’s gave a rat’s ass about the woman raising his kids in a nightmarish environment. My hero.

    If this guy were John McClain, he would have showed up days after the terrorists killed everybody, said “Yippie Ky Yay” and proclaimed “Hey, I tried.”

  17. Carla

    Hello, Grandpa Willis… DAMN the hot is gone.

  18. claire rochford

    im a dumbass shemale

  19. yael

    why you did this things dad, i love u as my show to every one you big penis…

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