Brooke Shields, I’ve got some bad news

March 7th, 2008 // 39 Comments

Brooke Shields, in what seems to be a complete defiance of logic, found herself swarmed by the paparazzi yesterday. I hate to be the one to break it to her, but Brooke, you sort of look like a certain somebody who gets a lot of media attention. I know your first thought is that it must be Catherine Zeta Jones, but ha, yeah, you wish, so it’s actually Britney Spears. This may seem like a slap in the face, because it is, but I wrote you a letter during this time of hurting:

Dear Brooke Shields,

Words cannot soothe the deep, unimaginable psychological scarring this news may have caused you. But I just want you to know that I thought you were really awesome in that movie I can’t remember the name of. You know, the one where your husband lets you spend the night with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Good stuff. Anyway, know you’re in my thoughts and prayers.

The Superficial Writer.

P.S. Indecent Proposal! Wait, that was Demi Moore. Okay, let’s start over. What are you famous for again? It’s gotta be something. I know! You’re the little girl that fell in the well. Aw, look at you. All growed up.

Photos: Splash News

  1. Girl

    Me first fucky sucky asian toy?

  2. Tapeworm

    Bai Ling is now posting comments.

  3. Randal

    Brooke Shields is an excellent actress and has be seen in Nip/Tuck, Law and Order and That 70′s Show, to name a few TV shows.

    Her movie career is just as notable, her most recent being The Midnight Meat Train along with The Bachelor, Black and White and even Freeway.

    She’s very diversified in many of the roles she has played and is highly respected in the industry.

  4. bonner

    HEEELP! Fish my friend why the fuck do u pollute my retina w/ this supercow? show me kim kardashian, every day, 10 times a day. u hooked me on her man. i need a fix fast.

  5. HuckyDucky


    That is the greatest spam posting on this site ever.

  6. Brooke Shields is Boring!! Almost as boring as D.R.’s life..

  7. HuckyDucky

    An online tall chat!

    Me: I’m tall. You?

    Tall Girl: Tall also.

    Me: Let’s have sexual relations.

  8. Jennifer2

    She was said to have a personal account on ‘ m’ club with her hot pictures and blogs there. The site is getting hotter and hotter, cuz quite a few millionaires and celebrities tend to go there.

  9. Ted from LA

    I thought her “bad news” was that she didn’t know how to tie a tie.

    Is is just me or is society crumbling? Desperate people are doing desperate things on a daily basis. Anymore when you hear 6 people are killed somewhere and it barely registers as surprising.

  10. Sledman

    I’m not sure what the writers trying to say. Brooke is over 6ft tall and in great shape. It’s doubtfull she would be mistaken for Jones or spears. She was actually on the tonight show not long ago promoting Lipstick Jungle and she looked the best I have ever seen her. A little confuzed here.

  11. Very glib, Mr. Fish.


  12. kitty cupcakes

    she DOES look like brit here. that’s not good for brooke.

  13. bonner



  14. yourmama

    hmmm..i wonder if this has anything to do with ashton kutcher’s new show “Pop Fiction” where her punks the paps. turns out paris’s little day with the religious dude in orange was a prank on the paps… uh, how i know all of this idk. (sigh) gal

  15. Auntie Kryst

    Damn, nice one #12, beat me to the joke. I do concur though It is obvious Mr. Fish does not understand the history of psychiatry, you do. He is glib, and indeed, TCLTC.

  16. fergernauster

    Personally, I don’t see a story here.

    How about we discuss Tyra Banks’ shit-stained undergarments instead?

    Now THAT’S a story…

  17. Fag

    Yes, I wonder when those nasty dirty panties hit ebay?

  18. The Laughing God

    She is ok. I mistook her for having androgen insensitivity, my bad. Though she did say some awful things about Micheal Jackson, when they dated.

  19. JoBOO


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  21. JoBOO


  22. JoBOO


  23. randal sucks

    dearest #4,
    shut the fuck up.

    everyone who reads Fish

  24. Randal rules

    #25 only a internet-clinging social loser would think he/she speaks for everybody.

    I love Randal’s comments. They’re a breath of fresh air that cuts through the stench of rotting minds.

  25. kati

    Hahaha. Love you, #8

  26. D. Richards (Bastardo.)

    You ever seen those nude photos of Brooke Shields when she was about eight or nine?

    Pretty choice.

  27. Chef

    Papz should have known it wasn’t Brit cause she is wearing a bra.

  28. grobpilot

    Fucking dinner plate-sized sunglasses. I guess it’s way too much to ask that these hollywood fucks try to be individuals instead of following every fucking trend that comes along. Of course, I’m talking about people who’s working life consists of everything being scripted for them. They don’t have an original thought in their heads and can only function under the direction of someone else. Wastes of air.

  29. jrz

    ow. ugh. damn. sorry pretty baby.

  30. joey buttafuoco

    What is up with all of these assholes posting links to “” and “”?
    Ban these assholes, I didn’t come here to look at spam, I came here to look at Kim Kardishan and jerk off all over myself!!

  31. Victoria

    If she was wearing a shirt that reads, “I just got my kids taken away from me and all I got was this lousy t-shirt,” covered in mustard and peanut butter stains, I could understand their confusion.

  32. Mr. Bojangles

    That’s about as awkward as this watercooler conversation:

  33. Mr. Bojangles

    That’s about as awkward as this watercooler conversation:

  34. CK

    I can’t believe you all have forgotten about her role in “The Blue Lagoon.” She coined the term “wet dream.”

  35. You are very charming. eYour yes there so cute but yet sexy and seductive…I believe you will drive all the men on crazy once you get naked!!

  36. absolute

    She is beautiful. Is she single now? I saw her profile on millionaire&celeb dating site “W e a l t h yR o m a n c e.c o m” last week.

  37. vertmont

    Ah its only the hair and stupid glasses, she looks amazing, and shes about 20 years older than Shitney.

  38. Raven

    Never had talent or beauty and never will. This thing is NOT a “celebrity.”

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